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Monday, September 2, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Hardest workers at TFC

"You. Better. Work!"

Happy Labour Day comrades! Not just a day of where parents drunkenly celebrate their children getting the eff back to school but also a day where we throw off the shackles of our American oppressors and stand up for our right to spell "labour" with the letter "u"! Wourkers of the Wourld Unite! Despite zero production output, BMO Field is actually home to some tough jobs and today we stop socializing and start socialisming over the unsung heroes whose back-breaking labour puts the "u" in TFC...

11. The person who has to figure out where in the CNE Food Building Danny Koevermans is hiding and get him back to his strenuous "re-hab"

10. That guy who has to meticulously draw Kevin Payne's head on top of a Greek god's body into the foam on top of the president's daily latte

9. The admin assistant that has to constantly schedule potentially successful days five years into the future

8. The barber who must carefully cut only the sides of Maxi Urruti's hair while leaving the top looking like a puffy mink stole

7. The office staff member who picks the short straw and has to be Bitchy the Hawk's "husband" that week

6. The social media expert who has to translate all of Reggie Lambe's perfectly spelled Queen's English tweets into marketable street-cred Caribbean patois

5. The person who has to figure out what to tell fans they would have spent $25M on if there had actually been $25M to spend on a mystery player who was worth $25M and would actually consider coming here for said $25M if they were "the right fit". Oh... and not make it sound like a plea for 2014 season ticket renewals.

4. "The Dichio Buffer"

3. The team who have to wrangle, capture and cage the halftime Timbits children players so they can be used at the next home match

2. The summer student intern who is in charge of the club's entire scouting department

1. The supporters... who have to constantly "get used to it"

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