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Monday, October 28, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Halloween tricks and treats at Toronto FC

Irish DP target Jack O' Lantern

"Toronto FC! Spooky scary! Reds missing playoffs, Reds becoming wolves!" Or something like that.

Late October marks two annual traditions that go back to the earliest days of modern-era North America: Halloween and Toronto FC being eliminated from MLS play. The carving of pumpkins and expensive fullbacks packing their suitcases for good goes hand-in-hand on the streets of Toronto. However, The Reds' goal scoring ability isn't the only horror show in town. Down in the creepy, foggy alleyways of Exhibition Place, Toronto FC always have a few extra tricks and treats for All Hallows' Eve...

11. Tim Leiweke hands out root vegetables to kids who knock at his door - apologizes and tells them to check back in January for delicious candy

10. Danny Koevermans, Collin Samuel and Ali Gerba face-off in tense, growling showdown at BMO Field over the last mini Coffee Crisp

9. The redheaded kid isn't allowed to go out trick-or-treating

8. Ryan Nelsen's house is completely covered by tell-tale Swiss brand of toilet paper

7. Justin Braun wears Jermaine Defoe costume and begs for contract extension

6. Bright Dike travels up to TFC Academy and beats up the U-17 team for their candy

5. Tim Bezbatchenko gets angry as everyone keeps telling him they "love his hilarious nerd outfit"

4. Reggie Lambe dresses up as a goat - doesn't get the irony

3. UNICEF boxes stuffed with allocation money

2. Warnings of razorblades in chip buttys

1. The club's future is just as frightening as every other day

"Boys becoming men... Richard Eckersley to Wolves"


  1. I was facing a bleak and boring TFC off-season -- almost as bleak as the season has been in fact -- but then I realized: Have no fear, the Yorkies are still here, to keep us entertained! Or at least to keep us channeling our pent-up anger into healthy sarcasm. Nice Halloween piece!

    1. We promise to do our darndest to get you through the off-season. Then 2014. Then 2015 pre-season. Even through the unexpected re-hiring of Mo Johnston.

      We may take 2016 off but nothing is scheduled to happen. 2018 though? Watch out for good timez!