THE MATCHUP: Bit off Mormon we can chew?

Marie Osmond! You traitor to Utah and the Spanish Crown!



REAL SALT LAKE VS TORONTO FC
RIO TINTO STADIUM - SATURDAY 9:30 ET
TV: TSN 2

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- This is arguably TFC's stiffest competition so far.
- Ryan Nelsen has been poking RSL with a stick by wondering aloud if DP Alvaro Saborio should be banned for this match due to an infraction last week vs LA Galaxy. Will RSL use it as motivation?
- Will TFC sign Issey Nakajima-Farran and have his paperwork processed in time for the match? Would he take the banned Jackson's starting spot on the wing? (UPDATE: See news below)
- How will Jermain Defoe react when he finds out how many wives you're allowed to have in Utah?
- Will Michael Bradley prove his dominance after RSL's Nat Borchers publically claimed that Kyle Beckerman was the better player of the two?
- Do RSL's horrible new shirts come with matching John Stockton super-shorty-short-shorts?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The King Juan Carlos I Invitational"

THE DUEL:
Kyle Beckerman vs. Michael Bradley

WHO ARE YA?
We gently mock our MLS brethren south of the border for their tendency to add on concerts and other spectacles post-match to help draw bigger crowds to matches. Most are cringe-worthy local artist shows with a dose of fireworks thrown in but RSL have outdone themselves with "Tintopalooza" a huge show following Saturday’s match full of Utah's finest music. Come for the match, stay for...

TINTOPALOOZA

Featuring...

DA OSMONDZ: THE NEXT GENERATION
Folk-funk fusion duo STOCKTON & MALONE
UTAH SAINTS
THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR
UTAH JAZZ
MAJOR LUZER feat. Kyle Beckermon
THE MORMON TABERNACLE DEATH METAL ENSEMBLE
NICK RIMANDO'S RHYTHMIC BELLY SLAPPING

WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS:

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
March 29, 2011: Three days after scoring two goals in his home debut, Javier Martina - confident in the knowledge that his long, successful TFC career has begun - spends his full season salary on a boat named "BRACE YOURSELF"

BONUS NEWS SECTION NEWS!
ISSEY REALLY SIGNED?

According to Luke Wileman at TSN and now being "scooped" by MLS' official site, Canadian international winger and long-term trial aficionado Issey Nakajima-Farran has signed with TFC and the deal only awaits Commissioner Dong Grabber's erotic rubber-stamp.

The 29-year old Alberta native has one colourful passport as his professional career has seen him play in Singapore, Denmark, Australia and most recently Cyprus. With 30 caps to his name with Canada, Nakajima-Farran offers a lot of experience and some depth to TFC's flanks. As mentioned above, he may be pressed into immediate service versus RSL due to "InfrAction" Jackson's ban.

Most importantly, the winger adds some needed pun-meat to the club with "Issey or Isn't he?" lines due to see a sharp increase. He also represents one of TFC's few hyphenated players. Arguably the finest since "Young" Nana Attakora went by Nana Attakora-Gyan. Important football analysis 24/7 at The Yorkies.

And... If you like this kind of jibber-jabber but wished it could be shoved in your ear like a moist Q-tip - we've got you covered! The Yorkies and Waking the Red join forces weekly on The Vocal Minority Podcast... "Get used to it" here... (NEW EPISODE ON FRIDAY!)