THE MATCHUP: "Hey You, The Not Red-dy for The Crew"

Yeah. No drugs there.



COLUMBUS VS. TORONTO

CREW STADIUM - SATURDAY 6PM ET

TV: SPORTNET 360

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?

- Well apparently Columbus are our heated rivals. Apparently.

- Can TFC manage to look much different than TFC 2012 without the likes of Jermain Defoe, Steven Caldwell, Jonathan Osorio and (PENDING) out of the line-up?

- Is Ryan Nelsen able to juggle a starting eleven and change his tried and tested tactics to paper over the big challenges The Reds have this week?

- Which club will win the annual prize of the world’s supply of trillium seeds?

- Is DP Gilberto capable of spearheading an attack alone?

- Will Crew Cat be in one of his pussy stupors?

- Who the hell will start in the back four?!

- What noise does it make when tourists jump off a bandwagon?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"The New Soft"

THE DUEL:

Steve Clark vs. Julio Cesar and/or

Crew Cat vs. His Demons

WHO ARE YA?

Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford may be an international laughing stock but has a surprising supporter in the form of Columbus celebrity - Crew Cat. The notorious MLS mascot bad boy has had more than his fair share of very public run-ins with the law and shared his kinship with the Toronto "mayor" with Ohio press this week.

"Look, them left-wing dog-owning commies up there in Toronto don't realize how lucky they is. Rob Ford is the single greatest civic leader since my former owner Marion Barry. Like me, Crew Cat, Robbie loves pullin' on that sweet glass kibble, has more than enough Crewzer Dancers to eat at home, loves pissing in public and has a whole litter of totally awesome party siblings..." (Crew Cat then paused for 20 minutes to tongue-bathe his genitals and make a call to someone named "Itchy Dave" about "his order")... "Also" Crew Cat continued "I have equally little patience for Nelson Mandela and Paralympians. Overrated. I'm Crew Cat and I approve this message."

WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS:

 

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
April 5, 2008: Mo Johnston was informed by MLS Head Office that it was literally impossible to accept his trade offer for the three construction workers on Columbus Crew's badge despite his overly generous offer.

 

And... Since they already have sweet yellow shirts on...