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Monday, June 30, 2014

THE MATCHUP: Catching Fire... (With Bonus STARTING 11 - Yours Free with Purchase!)

Great Lakes fever!
 
CHICAGO VS. TORONTO
TOYOTA PARK - WEDNESDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Because TFC are attempting to become a fairly solid club away from home. Fun and weird isn't it?!
- Can the smouldering Jermain Defoe keep his hot streak alive? Can he play a full 90? Are him and Gilberto BFF's 4 Life again?
- Because Chicago and Toronto have some real hard-nosed battles and really should be more heated rivals.
- Can TFC's bench strength produce the same positive football we saw in large parts of the match against New York?
- Deep Dish is excellent.
- Can Gilberto bounce back from injury and get another goal?
- You'll still be hungover from Canada Day - have a better plan?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"Copa Del Grandos Lagos"

THE DUEL:
Mike Magee vs. Jermain Defoe

BONUS!!!

THE STARTING 11: Things that Jermain Defoe said to Gilberto during their free kick scuffle

Strikers are a proud lot. The best ones want the ball at their feet at all times. While that desire to be the big man on campus is a positive for many forwards, it can sometimes create friction with teammates. As TFC supporters watched on with horrific visions of a dressing room meltdown, Jermain Defoe and Gilberto went handbags at each other at Red Bull Arena with Defoe knocking the ball away before walking away swearing in Cockney. Luckily for Gilberto, he scored a screamer and the what-ifs will never need to be worried about but what was said to him by Defoe in the lead-up to that famous goal?

11. "I'm a Big Bloody Deal! You are merely a Fairly Substantial Acquisition!"

10. "Yikes! I just saw a C.H.U.D. under the pitch let me slam its cannibalistic head with the ball!"

9. "This is NO way to treat a former guest of the Much Music Video Awards!"

8. "There is absolutely no way you score here. Mathematical impossibility. Boy are you going to look dumb. It's your life chum."

7. "This is a disgrace! I played for Portsmouth! I command your respect!"

6. "There's a bee on the ball! I'll swat it off for you pal!"

5. "Do you realize how many potential New York WAGS are waiting to watch me take this free kick? So selfish."

4. "Please let me take this. If I score then the Daily Mail will write another article lambasting Roy Hodgson!"

3. "Ok, let's pretend to fight... when they get distracted... blast it!"

2. "This ain't no car commercial Gilberto."

1. "You're lucky I don't bite you."


2 comments:

  1. funny read, are 'the yorkies' always this idiotic?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If by idiotic you mean funny, witty and satirical - then yes, yes they are.

      Delete