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Monday, June 9, 2014

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC plans during the World Cup

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The most holy of all holy months is but days away. More than any other event on the planet's social calendar, the World Cup is responsible for the most fake sick days, "doctor's appointments" and mini-flag related injuries. Personally I'm thinking of contracting a mystery ailment called a "sepped bladder" to get some time off. One group that doesn't have to lie their way out of employment are your Toronto Eff Cee's. MLS has enforced a break during the opening rounds of the Cup but just how are some of The Reds planning to spend their glorious vacation?

11. DOMINIC ODURO: Shaving minute-by-minute highlights of all Ghana matches into his hair

10. STEVEN CALDWELL: Watching hours of World Cup coverage with family - Instinctively jumping up and flailing arms wildly whenever there is a shot on goal

9. MICHAEL BRADLEY: Choosing which part of his head to open a new massive wound... against Cristiano Ronaldo's delicate face

8. JOE BENDIK: Taking long walks on the beach - kicking pebbles at awkward 45 degree angles

7. BRADLEY ORR: Shopping for new TV after watching England crash out of the tournament... and headbutting old TV

6. JULIO CESAR: Winning the World Cup. Wearing a tiny towel. Crying.

5. DONEIL HENRY: Just having some wholesome, quiet family time... somehow receiving a red card

4. RYAN NELSEN: Watching the tactical masterclass of technical Dutch football... yelling "4-4-2!!!" at the TV screen

3. DWAYNE DE ROSARIO: Trying to buy a Betamax VCR so he can watch Canada World Cup highlights in their only available format

2. JERMAIN DEFOE: Demanding a refund on his Rickie Lambert voodoo doll

1. GILBERTO: Watch amazing goal highlights. Weeping gently.

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