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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Adopt-A-Cup Minnow 2014


Way, way back in the olden days of 2010, The Yorkies decided to adopt a World Cup Minnow to become our "Official World Cup Team". After a grueling process of elimination, we adopted the mighty All Whites (still not racist) of New Zealand.

What happened next was nothing short of almost-miraculous. The plucky Kiwis did not lose a match, grabbing three draws including one against mighty Italy. They missed escaping the Group Stage by one measly point. Two years later, the team captain Ryan Nelsen became Toronto FC manager. Mind blown.

Four years on and we are set to join TFC in a weeks long sabbatical of TV football overload. However, before we get a Bro-zilian, put on our Sepp Blatter autographed thong and order in a giant spit of Amazonian meat; we have to once again adopt one of the World Cup Minnows to support and consequently anoint TFC's next manager.
We make the future happen

Of the bottom seven FIFA ranked participants in this year's Cup, there are some compelling pros and cons...

GHANA: # 37
- National dish is called "Fufu"!
- Possibly too good to be a minnow. More of a tilapia.
- Get to potentially yell "We've Got Ghana-Rhea!"

IRAN: # 43
- Hilarious Iron Sheik style tweets that call Lionel Messi "the raisinballs"
- Would really piss-off other "Axis of Evil" squads.
- A Vancouver Whitecaps player is on the squad. Ouch.

- Not exactly Country of the Year (pick up a newspaper)
- Super Eagles are better than Lazy Harris Hawks.
- Maybe those Nigerian princes will finally wire us that email money!

JAPAN: # 46
- They are from the future.
- Pretty sure at least three of them are robots in disguise.
- They have an Italian manager which means one thing: meatball sushi

- Roger Milla as next TFC manager.
- "The Indomitable Lions" is too hard to put into a song.
- They are almost Macaroons which are delicious.

- Kick-ass white tiger badge.
- Bulgogi kind of freaks us out.
- Hard to forgive the Hyundai Pony

- After adopting New Zealand last time we'd feel dirty.
- Good excuse to recycle hilarious Crocodile Dundee Halloween costume.
- Country or continent? Pick one you greedy buggers.



That's right! We're adopting Japanese; We're adopting Japanese - We really think so! The wee Samurai Blue are The Yorkies Official 2014 Minnow. Being Japan, that minnow will be instantly be prepared on a tiny bed of rice and served to us raw!

Set robots lasers to stun, plug in that old Super Nintendo and grab some Yen for that weird Tokyo vending machine that sells underwear because we are all up in Soccer Nippon Daihyo's hibachi grill! So look out Colombia, Greece and Ivory Coast - Japan has got the Yorkies' bump and the only way is up! Or at least sideways followed by the hiring of Shinji Kagawa as next TFC manager!


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