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Monday, June 2, 2014

THE STARTING 11: Trillium Cup privileges

Take that, Budweiser FA Cup!

We have banged on for years now how the Trillium Cup is a farcical corporate faux trophy. Despite TFC's exciting comeback victory on Saturday, the reward for winning the annual series of matches between Columbus Crew and The Reds is still lame-o. To watch a player like Jermain Defoe look at the local tin-cup and sort of lift it in sort of victory is all a bit cringe. That being said, there are actually a few rarely known perks to winning the cup. No, not money - but these privileges aren't bad...

11. Tim Bezbatchenko is bestowed the title "Archduke of Dayton"

10. TFC gets dibs on the next Higuain offspring

9. Gilberto gets to take credit for the next three Columbus goals

8. Former Crew cheerleaders "The Crewzer Dancers" are re-united for Jermain Defoe's amusement

7. Columbus must hire Jim Brennan as their next manager

6. When detaining Toronto fans in Columbus, Ohio police must stop using tasers in favour of tickling them into submission

5. TFC's captain is invited to light the next ceremonial scoreboard fire at Crew Stadium

4. The fine folks at Crew sponsor Barbasol must travel to Toronto and treat Tim Leiweke to a classic olde timey hot shave... full body

3. The three construction workers on Crew's badge must help build BMO Field's new roof for free

2. Columbus mascot "Crew Cat" must spend a romantic evening making sweet, sweet inter-species love to Bitchy the Hawk

1. Argos to Crew Stadium

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