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Saturday, September 27, 2014

AFTER 90: In the year 2019


On the heels of MLSE's momentous BMO Field expansion announcement earlier this week, we thought we'd treat you dear reader to a glimpse into the future. The future you say? Yes - the future. All the way to the year 2019.

Using science and stuff. Math we guess? Sure... math. We bring you this match report as Toronto Ford Motors FC host Portland Timbers on September 27, 2019 in a crucial match as TFMFC strive for their first ever playoff appearance. To the future action!

TORONTO FORD MOTORS FC VS. 
PORTLAND TIMBERS
MICHAEL CLEMONS FIELD at FORD PLACE

1' - A blustery day. The canopy over our usual Sokoloff Lawyers Present The South Stand has once again failed to keep the rain out jamming the folding metal benches that make up our removable Tim Hortons' Supporters Family Fun Zone Section. We have been relocated to the East Side Mario's East Side Stand upper level. Not too shabby considering the reasonable $350.00 ticket face price per match.
5' - Slow start for The Reds under new first-time manager Danny Koevermans installed last week after Terry Dunfield's reign came to an end after 5 tumultuous weeks.
12' - Jermain Defoe goes close in his first game back with TFMFC. The 36-year old of course left in 2014 to sign with QPR. After further stints with West Ham, Bournemouth, Portsmouth and Barnet, Defoe returns and claims to be fully committed.
18' - A moment of silence for "Butchy the Hawk" after last week's unfortunate laser incident.
21' - These $18 Becel Presents Chip Buttys aren't too shabby.
25' - Six-year veteran Dominic Oduro tries to run onto a pass but continues to run through the empty Clearasil Completely Clear North Plaza (preserved for CFL end zones) and crashes head first into the Food Building.
31' - A roar of excitement as Mayor Mikey Ford is shown on the scoreboard.
37' - Portland's 30-goal scorer Maxi Urruti looking dangerous.
38' - Portland's 40-goal scorer Gilberto looking dangerous.
44' - Captain Nick Hagglund warned after arguing disallowed goal with Head of MLS Referees Dave Gantar.
45'- Match halted as stadium's primary tenant the Toronto Argonauts run onto field and proceed to give wedgies to the soccer players until they leave the playing area. Match called off and Portland are given the 3 points in default thus eliminating TFMFC from the 30-team MLS Playoffs once again.

FULL TIME:
TORONTO ARGONAUTS 21
HALIFAX ROUGH RIDERS 27

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