THE MATCHUP: That fresh "new season" smell

-------------------Aw crap, The Reds are already behind

TORONTO FC (15th) VS. PHILADELPHIA UNION (10th)
　
BMO Field - Thursday 7:00PM EST
TV: GOL-TV
　
New! New! New! Yes, the N-word is the buzz around BMO Field as Toronto FC hosts MLS debutantes Philadelphia Union in the club's fourth home opener. For the second season in a row, TFC is opening against an expansion side and will be hoping that it doesn't turn into two losses in two years. But surely all this "new" stuff which we have been told to celebrate, while ignoring everything else, will turn into delicious, juicy goals right?
　
"NEW" OPPONENTS: As mentioned, the newest MLS side, Philadelphia Union, is in town fresh off a big win over local rivals DC United. Former Seattle forward and current Frenchman Sebastien Le Toux (it means "The Two") is leading the charge for Union with best-single-name in the league, Fred, adding support. Surely a "new" team can't win here though right? We were told you have to have a 5 year plan first. "New" opponents = no extra TFC goals.
　
"NEW" MANAGER: Yes, the Serbian Sir Alex is in charge of TFC's troops now and has come down with his iron fist. Hard work, keeping the ball down, all out defence and getting rid of any player who disagrees is the way forward for The Reds' under Preki. Sadly, he can't suit up and play as well. "New" manager = no extra TFC goals.
　
"NEW" SEATS: One of the major infrastructure improvements undertaken over the season sees about 1000 news seats added to BMO Field's North End. The new seating allows for single game tickets and also inadvertently turns the beer garden into more of a "beer cavern". Also added as part of the refurbishment was players’ bench dugouts but unless the new player's seats are really inspirational... "New" seats = no extra TFC goals.
　
"NEW" GRASS: Oh boy, this is the big addition. While no one is disputing the tremendous improvement to football in Toronto that real grass will bring, you could have been forgiven for thinking it was grown in the garden of Pele Maradona Zidane Jr. A terrific addition, but not worthy of MLSE's attitude that they had gone Oprah and put a car under our seats. Unless it's that new Japanese tilting computer grass... "New" grass = no extra TFC goals.
　
"NEW" PLAYERS: Forget the giant BMO logo on the front of our kits - for the first few games the players should have their names on the front as well. A wad of B and C list midfielders and defenders have been added to the squad - mostly Re-Rapids, First Wave Agency clients and Eastern European subs. Not a single useful striker was deemed necessary. "New" that + Chad Barrett = no extra TFC goals
　
So there you have it, the "new era" at TFC officially arrives Thursday night. Lots of "new" things we are told to celebrate but after a few minutes the grass is just grass, the new seats are just more people shaking their heads and the new players are a long way from being championship contenders. If MLSE wants to offer us real "new" - it's time to fire the oldest piece left. In case you don't know... he's the one upstairs on the phone with Barry MacLean.
　
NEW LAWNMOWER SAYS: 2-1 Toronto
DAY OLD CHIP BUTTY SAYS: 0-0 Draw
NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: "NEW GRASS EATS GARCIA - FANS CHEER"