AFTER 90: "Pana-mess! Pana-me-hess!"

Dave looks how we feel

ARABE UNIDO 1 - TORONTO FC 0

David Lee Roth is spinning in his grave. This is not the way "Panama!" was supposed to be. It was gonna be about doing the splits in mid-air, hitting giant cymbols covered in glitter and being "hot for teachers" dammit! While Toronto FC did indeed travel in body down to Central America's dangly bit, they definitely left their competitive spirit on the baggage carousel at Panama City's Eduardo Van Halen Airport.

Oh the excuses will be fast and furious on Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning. Aaah! - the terrible pitch (yes, shiny green carpet); Oooh! - those dirty Panamanian floppers (true, mucho flopista); Whoah! - what a crappy stadium (Scarborough's Birchmount Stadium is fancier) Ack! - that referee was terrible (uh-huh, it's CONCACAF Town, baby); but the sad, hard truth was that this loss came from the top. If a club plays like its manager, then Preki led by example by not taking this match seriously at all.

The reality is that this match was there for the taking. Arabe Unido is a sub-par CONCACAF CL club and were not even playing anywhere near their hometown. The three points were indeed very available. Instead, Preki decided to trot out a TFC B squad (although how you tell the difference recently I don't now) and the scrappy (see dirty) Arabe Unido made the most of it. Yes, the Panamanians only managed one sloppy goal from defender Fidel Cesar but TFC's starting offensive "weapons" of O'Brian White and Fuad Ibrahim were laughable. Preki's only defense is that Mo Johnston has failed miserably to build a squad capable of a MLS playoff run and a CCL challenge simultaneously. That being said, TFC lost a chance for at least one point if arrogance and/or lethargy hadn't ruled the contest.

Oh, by the way... Mista didn't play. But there's no problem there! Keep repeating that until you believe it.

MAN OF THE MATCH: Eric Davis (Arabe Unido)... for having the least Panamanian name

GOAT OF THE MATCH: Preki (TFC)... Prekiball un grandos catastrophia!

MATCH IN FIVE WORDS: Floppy. Dirty. Red Cards. Waste.

SENSATIONAL HEADLINE: "PANAMANIANS CANAL-LY PROBE SLEEPY TFC"

TOTALLY FAKE POST-MATCH QUOTE: "While I may look like a mild-mannered accountant, let me tell you I am plenty steamed. I am calling the law offices of Cellino, Barnes and La Brocca as soon as we get out of this country and that referee can expect a class action lawsuit on behalf of me Nicholas La Brocca - Attorney-at-law, and my client Fuad Ibrahim!"- Lawyer-featured Nick La Brocca discusses the red cards given to himself and Fuad Ibrahim