THE MATCHUP: "Exhibitionists" on roller coaster ride

Way better than the "CHAD II"

TORONTO FC (9th) VS. REAL SALT LAKE (3rd)
　
BMO Field - Saturday 7PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONTARIO & PACIFIC RADIO THE FAN 590
　
A summer night on the CNE midway. Carnival barkers yelling, the smell of deep-fried butter in the air, dudes urinating against the side of the Food Building... what better time for TFC to get back on the Polar Express to victory? There's no time for carnival fun on Saturday though - The Reds (or “The Exhibitionists” – why didn’t that catch on?) need to be all business against a tough Real Salt Lake club who also happen to be their Champions League group stage rivals.
　
Both clubs are coming off a bad result in this week's CCL match day but at least RSL gave an effort against Cruz Azul while Preki didn't feel that TFC's supporters deserved the effort to bag an available 3 points in Panama. TFC also has last week's home field drubbing at the hands of New York in their memories and need to re-build "Fortress BMO" in a hurry if their increasingly slim playoff chances are to survive.
　
Team Canada's September schedule takes Dwayne De Rosario, Julian de Guzman and Nana "Yo TFC, Smell Ya Later" Attakora hostage, so getting maximum points in this match becomes imperative. With that in mind you would expect Preki to go for the Mormon jugular but you can never tell with Prekiball. With Chad Barrett and Maicon Santos still out, the offensive options are limited meaning that the "no problem" between Mista and Preki will have to be forgotten unless Preki plans to cut off TFC's chances before the first whistle... again.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Royal Visit"
　
FORTRESS BMO: Stefan Frei, Adrian Cann, Julian de Guzman
CASTLE MORMONSTEIN: Kyle Beckerman, Nick Rimando, Will Johnson
　
THE ODDS:
- RSL to wear "short-shorts" like 1980's Utah Jazz John Stockton: 10-1
- Real's Canadian winger Will Johnson to score own-goal - dubbed "a Canadian double-agent" by Utah press: 50-1
- Mo Johnston taking credit for the birth of academy signing Doneil Henry: 2-1
- Preki & Mista sharing a post-match waffle ice cream: 5000-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- TFC lobbied for this match to be held at night in the hopes that the CNE's "sinful" flashing lights would offend RSL's Mormon sensibilities
- The Reds have been attempting to lull their opponents into a stupor at halftime by pumping fumes for "Tiny Tom Donuts" into the visitor's dressing room
- The Canadian government has written a stern letter to Major League Soccer demanding the "Real" be taken out of Salt Lake's name due to Toronto FC being the only MLS club that plays in a monarchy
- Commuters will have an easier time getting through the Exhibition GO Station tunnel post-match as city officials plans to coat the walls with left-over "Deep-Fried Butter" residue to help move crowds along
　
DE GUZMAN'S AFRO SAYS: 1-0 Toronto
BECKERMAN'S DREADS SAY: 2-1 RSL
HEADLINE: "MISTA SITS ON BENCH - STILL NO PROBLEMS... HONEST"

Jazz in his pants