Goats on top of Asses. Think about it... well done.CHIVAS USA 3 - TORONTO FC 0
It's late in the season. It's late at night. Chivas USA didn't want to be there. Toronto FC didn't want to be there. I didn't want to watch. Neither did you. As two pretty woeful teams heading nowhere fast played out the string on Saturday night, we decided to present this post-match report with the same amount of effort put in by Maple Leaf $ports and "Entertainment" in building TFC over the last five years.
Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever. As long as you renew your season tickets...
- Crappy crowd playing Mexican mariachi music. Like BMO 2012
- TFC wearing white. Hey new kits in two months. Whatever.
- Some guys are kicking the ball.
- Whatshisname - Dave De Romario almost got a goal. Fail.
- Chivas have the sauciest middle-age cheerleaders in MLS. Hola.
- That guy who looks like Poor Rooney... Barretta - miss.
- More kicking.
- Toronto's secret: pass to the goalie. Hasn't worked yet.
- Poor Rooney blew out his hamstring.
- I'm going for a ham sandwich.
- Our guy with the afro knocked a dude over.
- Maicon Santos... aren't Brazilians good at the soccer?
- I think this ham is off.
- Halftime.
- Fell asleep. GOL TV talking about pride and passion. Uh-huh.
- Missed some kicking.
- A Mexican dude scored. We should get one.
- Earl Cochrane. Jim Brennan. Discuss.
- The ham was definitely off.
- Kicking.
- I can hear Jason De Vos talking about TFC's "future" from the bathroom. Mine... not his.
- Maxim Usanov hasn't punched anyone in too long.
- Have we been falsely linked to any Italian coaches today?
- Remember late-night Italian movies? Ciao Tutti.
- 73rd minute... hey Jacob Peterson has been playing.
- O'Brian Wide.
- Ham was a terrible mistake.
- Nick Dasovic is shouting. You're hired. Discuss
- Budweiser and Clamato? That's a thing?
- Dichio sent off. Just like the old days... without the fun.
- No subs left and Cann goes off injured. Bet it was ham.
- Nodded off. Woke to Mexican guy scoring. Really, let's have one.
- His hombre got another one. Ariba.
- It's done. What? Three more of these? Wish the ham would have finished me off once and for all.
MAN OF THE MATCH: That Mexican guy
GOAT OF THE MATCH: Tiny expiry dates on cold cuts
MATCH IN FIVE WORDS: Desire. Pride. Future. Blah. Blah.
SENSATIONAL HEADLINE: "PLAYING FOR PRIDE NOT AS GOOD AS PLAYING FOR A TROPHY"
TOTALLY FAKE POST-MATCH QUOTE: "Playing for pride blah blah. The badge on the blah blah. Next year will be blah blah. Blah blah blah. All for blah." - Either of the current ML$E employees who will be named next GM
- Some guys are kicking the ball.
- Whatshisname - Dave De Romario almost got a goal. Fail.
- Chivas have the sauciest middle-age cheerleaders in MLS. Hola.
- That guy who looks like Poor Rooney... Barretta - miss.
- More kicking.
- Toronto's secret: pass to the goalie. Hasn't worked yet.
- Poor Rooney blew out his hamstring.
- I'm going for a ham sandwich.
- Our guy with the afro knocked a dude over.
- Maicon Santos... aren't Brazilians good at the soccer?
- I think this ham is off.
- Halftime.
- Fell asleep. GOL TV talking about pride and passion. Uh-huh.
- Missed some kicking.
- A Mexican dude scored. We should get one.
- Earl Cochrane. Jim Brennan. Discuss.
- The ham was definitely off.
- Kicking.
- I can hear Jason De Vos talking about TFC's "future" from the bathroom. Mine... not his.
- Maxim Usanov hasn't punched anyone in too long.
- Have we been falsely linked to any Italian coaches today?
- Remember late-night Italian movies? Ciao Tutti.
- 73rd minute... hey Jacob Peterson has been playing.
- O'Brian Wide.
- Ham was a terrible mistake.
- Nick Dasovic is shouting. You're hired. Discuss
- Budweiser and Clamato? That's a thing?
- Dichio sent off. Just like the old days... without the fun.
- No subs left and Cann goes off injured. Bet it was ham.
- Nodded off. Woke to Mexican guy scoring. Really, let's have one.
- His hombre got another one. Ariba.
- It's done. What? Three more of these? Wish the ham would have finished me off once and for all.
MAN OF THE MATCH: That Mexican guy
GOAT OF THE MATCH: Tiny expiry dates on cold cuts
MATCH IN FIVE WORDS: Desire. Pride. Future. Blah. Blah.
SENSATIONAL HEADLINE: "PLAYING FOR PRIDE NOT AS GOOD AS PLAYING FOR A TROPHY"
TOTALLY FAKE POST-MATCH QUOTE: "Playing for pride blah blah. The badge on the blah blah. Next year will be blah blah. Blah blah blah. All for blah." - Either of the current ML$E employees who will be named next GM
Posts
Senior, ya got Gol TV to watch this sucker? I get free for nuting.
ReplyDeleteJa? Ham no gud? Try da Salami.
Oh Kay Dokay Daso?
I like it. I was actually at the game, and you pretty much nailed it. seems like the ref took the same attitude you did, 1 minute of injury time in the second half? ridiculous yet merciful release.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say for any COlumbus Crew fans who are reading this blog...you already won the derby.
ReplyDelete