7 AM: Wunderbar! I love der fresh und crisp Dezember mornings! Things are finally going in the direction I command. Must go forward! I will let nothing destroy my pleasant mood today - nichts!
7:15 AM: Strange texten message from Herr Anselmi, Chancellor of FC Toronto: "if Rogers callz u - just don't answer. Gave them your # by accident! LOL!" Again mit the LOL - was ist LOL? Liverwürst On Liverwürst? This texten has made my tum tum mumble mit hunger.
7:30 AM: Breakfast: Fridge is not full to mein specifications! Delivery from German interweben food merchant "You Will Eat This and Enjoy It" is late! Not a breakfast mackerel nor morning gherkin in der sight! Be cool Jürgy... must keep Kalifornien gut vibes going. Ironically eat liverwürst on liverwürst. Hunger driven into the sea.
9 AM: Observe ocean from bird's eye view. One can never be too careful of die sudden nautical invasion. See korpulent child fall und destroy sand castle. Made me smile.
9:15 AM: Ocean observation interrupted by telefön. Someone by name of Roger Cäble asken me to "bundle zie package"! I am no dummkopf - this ist der crank call! I tell Herr Cäble to "shove der summer sausage where the sun is no longer providing light" und hang up. Mood shaken but not stirred... liken famous German moviefilm karachter Helmut Bondël in spy thriller "Der Spy Who Had Adequate Emotions Towards Me"
10 AM: Get down to konsültantwerk. I see that zie Earl of Cockrain and der JimmyBee have been busy. Der legacy of Mö Jaansten must be destroyed immediately. Tzar Nicholas Garcia has been removed from locker room power und I am pleased. I do not trust man in headband. Never since Gabriel Batistuta put knee in mein kugelsack during Sampdoria v Fiorentina!
10:30 AM: Another telefönen call from der Roger Cäble! Who ist zis man? Und nein - I am nicht interested in der free trial of der Roger Homeföne! Who is testing mein gut mood with such dark idiocy?
11 AM: Nackt Yoga.
12 PM: Took special kitty kat friend Karl-Heinz to Katzen Doktor for annual inoculations against feline diseases, der fleas und Dutch people. Stop at der Stärbucks und ask for Marzipan Frappucino. I am met with stüpid stare from der koffeestaffen. “You can get der Marzi-cino in München Starbucks” I yell. Force a smile to maintain cool dude Kalifornien mood.
2 PM: Strange texten: “Switch to Rogers Wireless today and receive 10000 free air miles!” Was ist this madness? Why is Herr Roger Cäble hunting me like die wolf in zie Black Forest? I don’t even want die air milen! I kollect Lufthansa Luftmetres!
3:30 PM: Speak to Herr Anselmi, ask him if mein Englische is not guten but I am thinking “interim” is meaning temporary. He seems very nervös und mumbling about “us all being interim if those teachers...” then he just grumbled und I think a tiger growled in der background.
5 PM: Checken zie emailen. Oh mein Gott!!! Nein! I don’t want zie Rogers Yahoo! emailen! How has das Roger Cäble gestapo found mein emailen?
5:30 PM: I am hiding in die Klinsmann Family Bibliothek from Herr Cäble. Try to read best-selling German komedy book “Moustachen und Beards of The Hapsburg Empire” but am in no mood for der giggles. Instead put on DeeVeeDee spy film of Helmut Böndel “Achtungpussy”.
7:15 PM: Roger Cäble will not halt calling der telefön! Was ist der PVR? Is this some type of landing vehicle? I rush to oceanview... still clear.
8 PM: The Dinner: Herr Cäble has not only ruined mein day but mein appetite! Und still no Bavarian food packages! I am forced to eat olden snack from last trip to Frankfurt - Chocolate bunny filled with minced beef. Delicious - yet mood is rife with defeat.
9:15 PM: Erotische Zeit.
10 PM: Enough ist enough! Roger Cäble und I get into a screaming battle. I tell them “to never come near me or der Klinsmann home or I will get Rudi Völler und his gang to teach them a lesson - East Berlin style!”. Mood has become light again. I will never have to deal with Herr Cäble again! Decide to sürf das interweben before bedtimen. Sürf to Toronto news zeitung Glöbben Und Mailen. Headlinen: “Rogers to buy MLSE”
10:03 PM: Schiesse.
7:15 AM: Strange texten message from Herr Anselmi, Chancellor of FC Toronto: "if Rogers callz u - just don't answer. Gave them your # by accident! LOL!" Again mit the LOL - was ist LOL? Liverwürst On Liverwürst? This texten has made my tum tum mumble mit hunger.
7:30 AM: Breakfast: Fridge is not full to mein specifications! Delivery from German interweben food merchant "You Will Eat This and Enjoy It" is late! Not a breakfast mackerel nor morning gherkin in der sight! Be cool Jürgy... must keep Kalifornien gut vibes going. Ironically eat liverwürst on liverwürst. Hunger driven into the sea.
9 AM: Observe ocean from bird's eye view. One can never be too careful of die sudden nautical invasion. See korpulent child fall und destroy sand castle. Made me smile.
9:15 AM: Ocean observation interrupted by telefön. Someone by name of Roger Cäble asken me to "bundle zie package"! I am no dummkopf - this ist der crank call! I tell Herr Cäble to "shove der summer sausage where the sun is no longer providing light" und hang up. Mood shaken but not stirred... liken famous German moviefilm karachter Helmut Bondël in spy thriller "Der Spy Who Had Adequate Emotions Towards Me"
10 AM: Get down to konsültantwerk. I see that zie Earl of Cockrain and der JimmyBee have been busy. Der legacy of Mö Jaansten must be destroyed immediately. Tzar Nicholas Garcia has been removed from locker room power und I am pleased. I do not trust man in headband. Never since Gabriel Batistuta put knee in mein kugelsack during Sampdoria v Fiorentina!
10:30 AM: Another telefönen call from der Roger Cäble! Who ist zis man? Und nein - I am nicht interested in der free trial of der Roger Homeföne! Who is testing mein gut mood with such dark idiocy?
11 AM: Nackt Yoga.
12 PM: Took special kitty kat friend Karl-Heinz to Katzen Doktor for annual inoculations against feline diseases, der fleas und Dutch people. Stop at der Stärbucks und ask for Marzipan Frappucino. I am met with stüpid stare from der koffeestaffen. “You can get der Marzi-cino in München Starbucks” I yell. Force a smile to maintain cool dude Kalifornien mood.
2 PM: Strange texten: “Switch to Rogers Wireless today and receive 10000 free air miles!” Was ist this madness? Why is Herr Roger Cäble hunting me like die wolf in zie Black Forest? I don’t even want die air milen! I kollect Lufthansa Luftmetres!
3:30 PM: Speak to Herr Anselmi, ask him if mein Englische is not guten but I am thinking “interim” is meaning temporary. He seems very nervös und mumbling about “us all being interim if those teachers...” then he just grumbled und I think a tiger growled in der background.
5 PM: Checken zie emailen. Oh mein Gott!!! Nein! I don’t want zie Rogers Yahoo! emailen! How has das Roger Cäble gestapo found mein emailen?
5:30 PM: I am hiding in die Klinsmann Family Bibliothek from Herr Cäble. Try to read best-selling German komedy book “Moustachen und Beards of The Hapsburg Empire” but am in no mood for der giggles. Instead put on DeeVeeDee spy film of Helmut Böndel “Achtungpussy”.
7:15 PM: Roger Cäble will not halt calling der telefön! Was ist der PVR? Is this some type of landing vehicle? I rush to oceanview... still clear.
8 PM: The Dinner: Herr Cäble has not only ruined mein day but mein appetite! Und still no Bavarian food packages! I am forced to eat olden snack from last trip to Frankfurt - Chocolate bunny filled with minced beef. Delicious - yet mood is rife with defeat.
9:15 PM: Erotische Zeit.
10 PM: Enough ist enough! Roger Cäble und I get into a screaming battle. I tell them “to never come near me or der Klinsmann home or I will get Rudi Völler und his gang to teach them a lesson - East Berlin style!”. Mood has become light again. I will never have to deal with Herr Cäble again! Decide to sürf das interweben before bedtimen. Sürf to Toronto news zeitung Glöbben Und Mailen. Headlinen: “Rogers to buy MLSE”
10:03 PM: Schiesse.
“Das Falsche Konsültant Journal” does not claim to represent the words of any real Germanic person living, dead or miscellaneous. No package was budled during the publication of this falsche Bavarian diary. Danke.
Posts
Before Rogers buys any OTPP stock, the teachers need to buy something to continue the investment tree. May I suggest a Brazilian Bank. Then they will need the cash from Rogers.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this series. Comedy gold = " I am forced to eat olden snack from last trip to Frankfurt - Chocolate bunny filled with minced beef. Delicious - yet mood is rife with defeat."
ReplyDeleteC.