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Monday, December 6, 2010

THE STARTING 11: Ways Toronto FC would change under Rogers

"Duddi-dum-dum" - Oh, you know the tune.

Last week, news emerged in Toronto that cable TV, wireless, internet, telephone, nuclear weapon and human sport-hunting giant Rogers Communications, wanted to purchase ML$E's sporting empire. The rumoured deal for the Teacher's Pension Fund's stake in the trophy-phobic sports franchises is reportedly worth well over a Billion dollars and is still making waves across the business landscape. Of course part of the package deal would be our dear Toronto Football Club which raises the question - how would things be different for Reds supporters if the The Ghost of Ted Rogers and his executive team took charge at BMO Field?
11. Stadium scoreboard to have giant PVR installed below
10. Season ticket holders to be constantly pestered by telemarketers
9. All matches to be broadcasted on The Women's Network
8. You can "bundle your package" at halftime
7. Team nickname changed from "The Reds" to "The Teds"
6. Matches scheduled on weekdays "anytime between 9AM and 5PM"
5. Nick LaBrocca moves from midfield to "Breakfast Television"
4. Desperately scouting Brazil for player named "Rogerinho"
3. Chip Buttys now wireless
2. Front Office replaced by offshore call centre
1. Dichio On Demand


  1. TFC plays in the Rogers centre. The skydome renamed yet again to the Real Rogers Galaxy Cosmo Sporting Dome.

    Rogers renames the Blue Jays to the the Rogers Dodgers.

    Double headers are soccer-baseball events called "the Bundle".
    Strictly a strike and hit event.

    Rogers continues issuing scarves that are too small, even for kids.

  2. Great, TFC will now be more like the Blue Jays than the Leafs. Great.

  3. I don't know - what's worse? Football Jays or Football Leafs. At least the Jays have won a couple of championships in the last 30 years. And - they do seem to try and win - MLB's screwed up financial model prevents them from really contending. Might take my chances with Rogers - MLSE will never change their ways.