THE SOUTH STAND REPORT: Toronto v D.C. ... or what a club looks like when only on chapter 3 of the "Total Football Manual"

This whole March/April home games thing is really backfiring. With the horrible weather we've been having, don't be surprised if the pansy schedule people decide that TFC's home opener won't be until May. Summer holidays will be brutal. Anyways, I've been sick and I know you all miss me. Right. Whatever. You do, and even if you don't, I'll lie to myself anyways.

The mighty Robins (I'm over this whole "Reds" thing for now) are on the cusp of mediocrity. Yes, they've mustered up some points against a few sides, that's well and good and all, but where are the goals going to come from? My prediction : from a player who isn't here yet... because we know he isn't here already.
Quote of the match came early:

I'm the president of the Luton Town Supporters Club of North America. Not just Canada, but the whole of North America. We have 6 members!

~ President of the Luton Town Supporters Club of North America

We are truly in the presence of greatness. Speechless really.

5' - GOAL - So this is how it's gonna be. Chris Pontius on the right side breaks in to lose his defender and slides it to the right, past a sprawling Frei. Here's a look at his celebration

9 - GOAL - Charlie Davies picks up a loose ball from a kick save from Frei and slide kicks it into the gaping net.

I know we've had a few personnel changes, but in case you're wondering, Frei still plays for TFC and we're down 2-0 in under 10 minutes.

10 - SUB - Cann goes down injured, so on comes Attakora

41 - Effort! Finally. Corner headed across ends up at Attakora's feet, who rockets the ambitious shot across the face of goal. Didn't work, but effort all the same.

44 - Charlie Davies does have an eerie resemblance to Jerome Iginla (that's a hockey player)

49 - RED - Ty Harden gets a show for a really late tackle on someone, studs up. They need an emoticon with the worlds largest eye roll for a proper reaction to this event.

53 - "Touch" Tchani steps over and launches a ball towards the amphitheatre. Nice to see someone else have a go.

54 - SUB - Gargan comes in for Cordon Bleu.

59 - It appears that Toronto with 10 men is better than Toronto with 11. Addition by subtraction and all that...

63 - Peterson's diving header just goes wide

64 - Santos has a long run down the pitch with no support and launches a rocket of his own that just bends wide of the top corner.

65 - YELLOW - deGoo for a rough tackle

66 - SUB - Santos out, "Easy Peasy" Zavarise comes in

73 - GOAL - Well, that should take care of that. Pontius bags his second goal with, effectively, the same damn move he did with the first goal.

Announced attendance is 16000. I learned that in school, teachers took attendance for the students who were present, and not implied to be there... 14000 is more like it.

77 - Peterson is really trying to get this diving header maneuver to become a goal 'thing', but this time has his damn near goal cleared off the line by Wolff.

88 - YELLOW - Gargan for clearly wanting to give a guy a hug from behind.

89 - Davies is absolutely robbed by a lunging Frei getting a palm on it to push it out of play. Brilliant.

FULL TIME - Toronto 0: DC United 3

Man of the Match : Davies for scoring a nice goal, then actually doing something to make the south end give a crap by doing a little dance, so thanks for that. I'm allowed to give the award to the opposition when...

Goat of the Game : holycrapwheredoyoustart... screw it, everyone except Frei. There, grossly unimpressed. Aron Winter can earn this award later if we discover that Stevanovic was told to stay out on the pitch and play injured for the last 15 minutes of the match. Didn't look good. He could barely walk.

Ref rating : 3 out of 5. He let a pile of questionable calls go, but for both sides and in MLS, that's refreshing.

Player ratings : Frei 7, If you're a defender, assign yourself a 4, everyone else is a 5

None of the goals were Frei's fault... Depeche Mode's "I Just Can't Get Enough" may be the new sensation that's sweeping the terraces. Annoying, yet catchy... I'm patient for the system to work, but I'd like to see some progress and not regress... I don't know if anyone is actually fit to wear that captain's armband, short of Frei... here's a plan: we need to go and get the best striker in the Norwegian second division and give him a job. Why? Why the hell not... good thing the police cracked down on the flares that were lit late in the game. I'd hate to think that the hard core support would have to rely on the on-field product to focus on, then they'd never come back.

Note: if you don't know, the Chris Pontius reference was to the name of the guy in Jackass known as "Party Boy". I had to explain that to someone in the stands once the connection was made so, you know, you might not get it either.