The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

THE MATCHUP: Earth, Wind & Dire

"The Giant Laser is working!!!... er, I mean, look... a storm."

TORONTO VS. VANCOUVER
AMWAY CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
FINALS 2ND LEG - AGGREGATE 1-1
 
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
 
THE KICKABOUT:
With all of the off-season expectations of better things to come forgotten, Toronto FC's 2012 season has (already) come down to this. There is no other chance at glory this year apart from hoisting the club's fourth Voyageurs Cup. The Reds have a slight advantage going in after scoring a key away goal in the first leg but, if the team that Danny Koevermans' hinted may be the worst in the world right now, plays as they did on Saturday in D.C. - that advantage will be wiped out. Unless of course, a violent weather front wipes out the game first. Optimism!
 
A loss on Wednesday could of course have much deeper repercussions than just an empty spot in TFC's trophy case. A loss in "The Cank" may very well give the Tom Anselmi-led front office cabal all of the ammunition they need in some supporters' eyes to put an end to Aron Winter's reign. With the palace coup coronation of Jim Brennan to first in line to the throne complete, the transition could be swift and Brennan (or as he will be managerially known: Jose Cappuccino) may soon be in charge. Of course, a win would be more fun - if not for the relief of victory but rather the chance to enter the CONCACAF Champions League as Canada's representative with a potential 0-20 league record. It would be CSA-riffic!
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Great Canadian Bagel II: Cank's for the Memories"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Ryan Johnson, Danny Koevermans, Nick Soolsma
VANCOUVER: Camilo, Eric Hassli, Darren Mattocks
 
THE ODDS:
- Massive thunderstorm: 3-1
- Baker's dozen of tornadoes: 10-1
- Biblical plague of frogs: 30-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
The conspiracy theorists amongst the Vancouver Whitecaps supporters have already complained to the CSA, CONCACAF and the United Nations after strange gambling trends around this match have been detected from Asia. Large amounts of money have suddenly been put onto "Southern Ontario low pressure fronts", "Nor'Easters" and "Giant Laser Accident/ Toronto". There has been no official word yet from any official football body, Environment Canada, Ban-Ki Moon or any local supervillains.
 
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "CLEAR SKIES USHER IN WINTER'S END"

And... since it's Tuesday(?!) and we all need a dance... if tactics and/or inclement weather don't do the trick, we can try this...

3 comments:

  1. I've caught your recent references to things like weather manipulation, the Secret Service, illuminati, no-fly list, etc. It's good to see that the Yorkies are awake. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  2. We are watching this site.

    ReplyDelete