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Sunday, June 2, 2013

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v Philadelphia... or Sharing is Caring

In this very special episode, the boys Jack, Mack and Ernie learn what it means to share amongst friends, even when one of them is being a jerk.

13' - Someone's rolling around on the pitch... look like Honduras, play like Honduras.

27' - YELLOW - Henry nearly subtracts MacMath with a right cross, but he misses and gets booked for a wee fistycuffs.  So does MacMath.

And now The Yorkies proudly present excerpts of the script from the acclaimed Saturday morning puppet show Jack, Mack & Ernie, Episode 713 entitled "Sharing is Caring".

MACK: Why are you pushing me around? I didn't push you, why are you being a jerk?
ERNIE: You need to toughen the f**k up son. The world is a cold, cruel place, and you need to develop a little bit of backbone.
JACK: You guys, just apologize and everything will be OoooooKAY! *big smile*
ERNIE: No sunshine, not this time. Mack, if someone pushes you *shove* what do you do? Cry like a coward?
MACK: I don't want to do this!
ERNIE: Life is tough. Stop being a princess and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF YOU SPINELESS DOUCHE!

39' - RED - Henry gets a second yellow for a last ditch tackle from behind and gets no ball.

45' - SUB - Silva off for Morgan

60' - SUB - Brockie comes on for Earnshaw

61' - Convey gets his head to a set piece and just sails over the crossbar


MACK: Guys, I saw a poster for a lost puppy, and the reward is 3 pieces of candy.
JACK: Oooh, this sounds like fun. We should go and look for it. I bet it's in the park.
ERNIE: Well, you're in luck. I have nothing better to do. I'm in.

The boys make their way to the local park

JACK: Let's split up. Surely we'll find the puppy faster!
ERNIE: I'm going in this direction. Don't. Follow. Me.
MACK: I hope I find the puppy. What if it's lost? And scared? And cold? And shaking?
JACK: The puppy will be happy to see you! If you find it, just take it back to it's owners! They will be very grateful for their doggie's safe return.
MACK: Ooh... OK.
JACK: Alright then. I'm going to head this way. Good luck.

Mack starts looking around a shrub

MACK: Oh, I hope the puppy is OK. I don't know what I'd do if it was my puppy. I'd be scared of losing her... hey, what's this?

Mack moves some brush and finds a puppy who's leash is caught in a branch

MACK: Oh, hey little puppy. Don't be scared. I'll take you back to your mommy and daddy right now where you'll be safe.

66' - GOAL - Brockie floats a nice cross that finds the lunging head of Osorio and buries it


76' - YELLOW - Laba gets booked for a rough tackle to slow down a counter attack.

86' - SUB - What can only be described as symbolic and unnecessary, Koevermans comes back from long-term injury and Brockie comes off

Quote of the Match:
He just got Wiederman'd
~ @kzknowles calling it


JACK: Mack, you got all that candy as a gift for finding the puppy that we helped finding. If I were you, I'd let you have some of it...
ERNIE: Look! Don't be a d**k. You got a f**king bag of candy, with three pieces, and you're not gonna share? I'm a jerk but even I would let you guys have some even if you piss me off every other chance you get!
MACK: Ernie, Mack. You're right. I was afraid if I gave you some, well, there'd be none left for me, but we can share all of the candy, and there will still be plenty for me. Having all three would be nice, but I will settle for just one. One for you Ernie...
ERNIE: About f**king time! Thank you, jackass
MACK: You're welcome. And one for you Mack
JACK: Oh thank you! That made my day! Don't you just love sharing? Especially with your best friends!

Tune in for the next special episode of Jack, Mack & Ernie where the boys surely learn about the hazards of CHOKING

90' - GOAL - Cross, lame clearance, Jack McInerney, 10th of his rookie season. Why not share the points?



Man of the Match : Osorio but I almost wanted to give it to Brockie for actually crossing it properly for a goal to be scored.

Goat of the Game :  Silva for his two bouts of stage fright when the side needed a shot to be taken.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Not a great game, not a terrible one.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I didn't fully understand the symbolism of Koevermans coming on the pitch.  Not when the side is NOTORIOUS for last minute choking shenanigans and they're only up by one.  I am a huge fan of Koevermans, but playing the headlines and not the scoreline bothered me.  Brockie did well for his limited time on the pitch, but if he's coming off, another defender should be coming on.  Also, him coming on on a slick pitch with two wonky knees might not have been the best move either.

Kit Spotting : Saw a Boca Juniors kit, but the unique one has to go with @the2ndyellow's Falkirk (training?) kit. Woulda spotted that spire badge easily.  Honourable mention goes to the gentlemen wearing the Zenit St. Petersburg scarf.

I am beginning to see the benefit of ditching to "beat the traffic".  It's kinda like leaving the film before the hero tragically dies, or the twist ending upsets you.  That part of you that triggers you consciousness to tell you "hey, your serotonin levels are as good as they're going to get from this match.  Now is a good time to leave" around the 85th minute mark.  My frustration would be much lower because I would not have witnessed the act of donating the points to the visitors so often.

Also, I wonder how many people would like to have a "smart ass"section in the stadium.  Yesterday, football aside, was a great time.  Made new friends, swore, met a kid who's a Liverpool supporter who wears a Manchester United kit because "they're my Champions League team" (that happened).  We just shouted and heckled and laughed all game.  I can't imagine there'd be much of a movement but our new digs at the top of 117 are a hoot.  If you need a laugh, come find us.  No flags, no Dichio songs, no mob mentality.  Just fun.

@ignirtoq can now attest that script writing is a pain in the ass. Thankfully TFC doesn't play Philly again until October.


  1. Replies
    1. Jonathan - was that you a few rows in front of us on the aisle? I thought afterwards it may have been - come up and chat next time! Sorry we didn't introduce ourselves formally if it was.

  2. It didn't take long to figure out who you were. The Торонто футбольного клуба retro jersey was a pretty quick spoiler.

    117/118 is sort of like a reforestation project. Now that TRN seems to have abandoned us we're seeing new signs of life emerge in the south-west end corner.

    1. Excellent! The guy in the FK Toronto kit was our main man and South Stand Report maestro @ignirtoq. I was his yappy pal in the black t-shirt next to him. The rest are the excellent regular posse and all invitees. Glad to meet you informally. Viva La Reforestation.

  3. Thank Goodness someone is trying to inject real life into the crowd in the South Stands. Dichio retired like 5 years ago! I doubt many people have been season ticket holders as long to remember Dichio actually "playing".

    Anyways, the stock chants and flags are getting old really fast . . . Don't the Red Patch Boys realize that team and/or player specific chants are way funnier and more effective?

    1. Everybody has their own way of supporting and it's all good. The fact that this club still has as many groups and individuals still willing to sing anything and wave anything is a testament to Toronto football supporters en masse.

      We're all in it together really as so many have already departed.

    2. Thank you genuinely for the above response. Everyone needs to realise we are all there for the same reason. I find the infighting at BMO to be childish and unhelpful.

    3. It goes to show how poor the team has been. We can't even argue over formation/team lineup anymore.