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Friday, July 19, 2013

THE MATCHUP: It's just beastly boys

Now that's three in the middle!

TORONTO VS. NEW YORK

BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 4PM ET
TV: TSN


THE KICKABOUT:
Toronto FC currently lacks the skills to pay any bills. However, rather than drone on about having to watch the same line-up that couldn't be arsed against Chivas USA (Good effort boys! Like LOLZ! OMG! Budweiser!) we will use our favourite musical trio from our opponent's Boroughs as today's muse.

Feeling guilty that you don't really want to go to BMO Field and sweat it out at K-Paynz Allocation Party? Don't... rhyme along with this tune (Press play here if you like parties) and feel better...

(YOU GOTTA) FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT (TO STAY HOME)

Kick it!

You got Reds tickets but you don't wanna go
You can't think of much worse than a day at "BMO!"
You only missed two matches because you had to work
But your seatmate preaches guilt like you're some kind of jerk

You gotta fight! For your right! To stay home!

Try to sell your tickets but give away for free
To a cheap fanboy of Thierry Henry
Man, seven years of this just really stinks
It's nothing but expensive TORONTO LYNX (Busted!)

You gotta fight! For your right! To stay home!

Won't want to leave the house to watch this situation
Just sign some damn players and shut up with allocation!
But you'll end up at BMO saying, "Where's the cheers?"
But don't worry Reds fans - just five more years!

You gotta fight! For your right! To stay home!


MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Rump Shaker"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO FC (snort): Joe Bendik, Matias Laba, Jonathan Osorio
NEW YORK: Tim Cahill, Fabian Espindola, Thierry Henry

THE ODDS:
- Last 10 minutes of match looking like ”Sabotage": 2-1
- "Skills to pay the Bills" new term for allocation money: 5-1
- Bitchy the Hawk replaced with "Brass Monkey": 10-1

WHO ARE YA?
You may think it's a stretch to have a whole Beastie Boys themed episode of The Matchup, but it's really not* (*it really is but we're bored of this season). In fact if you look through the band's discography you will see that their album titles reflect TFC's history quite aptly:
- LICENSED TO CAUSE ILLNESS
- PAUL MARINER'S BOUTIQUE
- CHECK YOU'RE RED (TFC Captain Transfer Window EP)
- SHRILL COMMUNICATION (BMO Field Promotions Team Remix)
- HELLO NASTY (Pre-Season Limited Edition)
- TO THE 5 YEAR PLANS
- LATE LOSS COMMITTEE PART TWO

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "NO SLEEP 'TIL FORLAN"



And... Since it's Friday and we need all the help we can get to get our bodies movin' for tomorrow...




ADAM YAUCH 1964 - 2012

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