The Good, The Bad... The Overpriced - MLS player salaries illuminate unbalanced TFC

"The boys at Lambda Lamda Lamda will not be pleased!"

Toronto FC loves them a good bargain. They have turned a lame bird act into their own version of Bargain Harold's Benfica, they always sell players well before their expiry date (well, well before) and no one knows how to turn a 5-Year Plan into an 8-Year Plan with such simple calculations! But, what about when it comes down to their salaries?

 

Obviously things haven't been going their way on the paystub front so MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke has hired "capologist"/80's teen film nerd Tim Bezbatchenko to slice and dice their salary sums. Well at least until there's a big enough hole for Leiweke to parachute in a couple of aging DP's to sell shirts and get injured.

 

Today, the updated MLS salary lists were unveiled and another chance for all us amateur capologists - it's what I wanted to be as a boy - to consider who is giving TFC the biggest bang for their buck. So stop throwing slushees off the upper level of the mall at Bezbatchenko and let's help the new guy look at some of the club's best, worst and mediocre contracts.

 

 

BEZBATCHENKOKAY!

- Joe Bendik $46,500

- Doneil Henry $62,083

- Matias Laba $200,000

- Jonathan Osorio $46,500

- Steven Caldwell $89,000

 

Not tons of bargains to be had but Caldwell and Bendik standout as getting a lot for your buck. Both have played major roles in the admittedly poor season but things would be even worse without them. Despite Laba's $200K he looks to be good value as the club's most technically gifted player by some stretch.

 

 

MEH-ZBATCHENKO.

- Bobby Convey $215,000

- Robert Earnshaw $155,150

- Jeremy Hall $90,000

- Andrew Wiedeman $65,000

- Bright Dike $60,687

 

Convey is the standout in the group due to his salary but also arguably the most consistent performer of the lot. A bit hefty though for a journeyman. Earnshaw barely didn't fall to the bad end of things but only due to his March and April - really shouldn't return in 2014. The others represent some basic deep bench strength. The more they are used as front-line starters, the worse things are for TFC.

 

 

BEZBATCHENKOUCH!

- Justin Braun $114,700

- Richard Eckersley $310,000

- Stefan Frei $200,000

- Danny Koevermans $1.663,323

- Alvaro Rey $204,450

 

Two standouts on this list are Eckersley and Koevermans. Ryan Nelsen pretty much stamped Ecks' passport back to England today moaning of his hefty (and it is) fullback salary. Despite The Ginger Ninja's proclamation that he is "not some ordinary fullback" - he is. And one making nearly double the league average at that spot. Cheerio Richard.

 

Danny Koevermans has fallen so far off the respect-ladder that it's a surprise he hasn't picked up yet another "injury". Now out with a supposed calf injury it is unlikely that Koevermans will ever wear TFC red again. We just pray it doesn't hinder his contract signing in The Netherlands on January 1st. God speed pancake astronaut. God speed. (Ed.~ look up Dutch word for sarcasm)

 

Frei is a bad-luck, sad-luck case. We like him a lot but nowhere in this league is there a place for a $200K backup keeper. For Frei, we genuinely wish the best for his career. Alvaro Rey may need more time to prove (or disprove) himself but that money on a Spanish 3rd Tier winger seems steep. Braun? Should be paying fans to watch him.

 

So there you are amateur banking aficionados, some of the highlights of the TFC 2013 salaries. Majority of the others more-or-less fall into place but hey, who knows what wacky calculations T-Bez is doing on his Casio calculator watch? Having to carve out that much space for Leiweke's vanity acquisitions will likely mean a lot more "Meh-zbatchenko" in our futures.