MLS LOGO WEEK - Getting to know your Western Conference

 

The 2014 MLS season is but days away and the North American football punditry industry is in full force. Statistics, depth charts and player profiles are coming thick and fast as some of MLS' brightest minds attempt to predict this season's outcome.

Then there is us.

Why buy the milk when the cow is busy making a solid Raivis Hscanovics gag? Here at The Yorkies we instead take our cue from MLS' most important annual event, #JerseyWeek, and present you with #LogoWeek, where we parade our own take on every club's logo and throw in our in-depth, scientific scouting reports with the info the other guys are too afraid to print!

We start with the Western Conference. Mostly because they are so whiny. What gives west? You've got nicer weather, mountains, plains... um... Alberta and Idaho? Suck it up Pacific buttercups. Never Mind the Rockies, Here's the Western Conference!

 

CHIVAS USA

AKA: The Undera Chivas
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "Making Toronto FC look slightly more professional since 2007"

 

COLORADO RAPIDS
AKA: The Ron Burgundys
SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "They have more silverware in the last 8 years than owner Stan Kroenke's other football club"

FC DALLAS

AKA: The DP Depot

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "They are always there to help us out when we no longer want an underperforming designated player. (Ahem... Gilberto. Ahem... September.)"

LOS ANGELES GALAXY

AKA: The Real Housewives of Carson, California

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "They gave Tim Leiweke a nice little job to learn by"

PORTLAND TIMBERS

AKA: Hipsternian

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "Their supporters have been working tirelessly to introduce artisan whiskey, unctuous craft bacon and bespoke skinny jeans into all MLS grounds"

 

REAL SALT LAKE

AKA: The Mormon Sliding Tackle Choir

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "Have given the Spanish Royal Family a reason to sign up for the MLS Live internet package"

 

SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES

AKA: BayArea LeverQuaken

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "They lower the Canadian unemployment rate with every new manager"

 

SEATTLE SOUNDERS

AKA: The Biggest Soccer Team Ever (TM)

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "They invented the sport." (Just ask them)

 

VANCOUVER WHITECAPS

AKA: Crystal Meth Palace FC

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEM: "They kindly let Toronto and Montreal win the Canadian Championship. Always." "Also, Carl Robinson."