THE STARTING 11: TFC Oscars Introductions

 

What is the only thing longer than sitting through one of TFC's "Five Year Plans"? The Academy Awards ceremony. The annual homage to Hollywood's finest (except the shameful ignorance towards Scott Baio's 1982 opus "Zapped!") usually runs for about 30 hours, testing the most dedicated viewer. A bit like 2013 at BMO Field. Much of the time is wasted with long-winded, overly-descriptive nominee introductions. Things would be so much better if the Oscars rewarded a real drama... Toronto FC.

11. "A mouthy business genius spirals out of control as he flirts with a CFL team and enters the high-stakes financial world of non-existent turf-paint-remover... Best Picture nominee... "The Bull of Bay Street"

10. "The harrowing tale of a club with out of this world expectations that faces disaster when they are forced to play their bench strikers. Dreams come crashing down to Earth in... "Gravity"

9. "Performing the nominated Best Original Song "The MLS Anthem"... ladies and gentlemen... Drake!"

8. "A story of desperation as out-of-depth general managers only have one place to send their unwanted Hasslis and de Guzmans... this is... "FC Dallas DP Buyers Club"

7. "One man fights off all-comers to his position and attempts to keep his unexplained job for life afloat in... "Captain Brennan"

6. "The animated adventures of a super villain bent on destroying any club that will re-employ him... "Despicable Mo 2"

5. "Nominee for Best Costume Design: The person who can fit the most maple leafs on a single shirt!"

4. "This futuristic drama chronicles a lonely man who befriends his advanced computer operating system only to have it unexpectedly headbutt him... this is... "Orr"

3. "A heart-warming journey as a club searches for the long-lost son they didn't mean to give away... "PhiloDeRo"

2. "Based on a true story, the dramatic re-telling of a Canadian club's snatching of the USA's best player, Michael Bradley... ladies and gentlemen... "American Hustle"

1. "Harrowing. Painful to watch. Many had to look away. The challenging tale of torture and degradation... of Toronto FC supporters since 2007... "7 Years a Shame"