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Monday, April 28, 2008

Match Report: Kansas City Wizards @ TFC

Delerious. Just delerious. We here, in mid-113, are not accustomed to this position. Oh sure, we're only in our second year as a side, but as far as successful footie in Toronto, it's been a while. And it is too good to be true, without a doubt. The euphoric high that our seemingly feeble side has achieve so soon is amazing.

A two-game win-streak. That's all that it takes to make the entire south stands beam wih hope. Imagine what a three-game win-streak could do.

Kansas City come into the game 3-1-1 and are on game two of a six game road swing since the primary tenant at their stadium, the Kansas City T-Bones, are apparently reclaiming their home ground for the baseball season. TFC are 2-2 who have displayed shades of embarassing to pallets of magic during these 4 games. Expectations are running cautiously high. I mean, it's TFC. Toronto FC. Or as some educated idiots who think they're really clever, "The FC's". We've seen flashes of brilliance, but that's long enough to take a picture. Right now, we're basking in the sun... I hope we don't get burned.

Enough of the silly light metaphors, it's 3:30 kick-off and Dorothy FC have come to town looking for a hand-crafted beating. Let the games begin... Pre-kick off, quote of the game : "What the hell is up with BMO? Everywhere is smells like souvlaki." Brilliant.

2 - Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) beats his defender and causes Hartmann to make a very amazing diving save to stop it.

6 - "This is our house", "You gotta ball park!"

8 - Olé string of passes. I swear, I'm dreaming.

10 - Robert floated a gorgeous ball right across the field onto the foot of Ricketts. I wanted to marry that ball, it was that beautiful.

14 - I've discovered the score of the Man Utd. v Chelsea match. Not happy.

19 - Dichio gets a ball fed into him 8 yards out, no man on him and he skies it over the bar. Rough, given he had time to settle it.

20 - Surprisingly, the ref is giving us some calls. Surely, he will be fired.

22 - Dichio flicks a header onto Robert, Robert takes it into the box, cuts in, lays the ball off for Marvell Wynne who JUST misses an open net. Resulting corner, Robert appears to get a header from the ensuing kick sees his effort cleared off the line.

24 - Dorothy FC's Jewsbury skids a ball across the carpet that Sutton has to kinda sorta work for. Nice to see them trying.

26 - Ball arced in, Robert can't quite get to it to convert.

27 - "Stand up for the TFC" chant is the worst chant we've got, hands down. 99% of the crowd doesn't realize that it's to the tune of 'Go West'. Two out of two Pet Shop Boys would agree.

28 - The turf is a mess from the kick-off confetti. I'd hate to be the poor bastard that has to vacuum that.

29 - Dorothy FC's Espinosa tries to introduce the ball to Lakeshore Blvd. He failed at that too.

30 - "Toto" Lopez couldn't beat one of our defenders if he had a bat in his hand. Wynne makes him look amateur.

32 - Zavagnin, Lopez, Espinosa, Trujillo and Morsink all fail at shots in the box. Sutton must be bored because he didn't have to stop a single one of those chances. I said 5 shots in the box and none of them were touched by the keeper. The tin man and the scarecrow would've at least hit the bar. Lion would've booted it back to his keeper.

33 - Like every other player who's played here, he can't get past the fact that not only that there are fans, but they give a shit about the game. Ensuing kick, streamers in his way and all, ends up at Trujillo's head and lays it perfectly into the hands of Sutton. Even Bitchy the Falcon atop of the main stand is working harder than our keeper.

34 - Robinson fights off defenders and lays the ball to Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!), only to shoot from just outside the edge of box and have it sail one yard wide of the net. Crazy stuff.

35 - Kansas City are getting the boots put to them. Pathetic. Don't they know who we are? (sorry, I'm still in disbelief and Toronto are playing LIVE in front of me and looking amazing)

37 - Kansas City player hits the turf due to playing for Kansas City, Robinson moves the ball up to cross it into where Dichio should've been but was 5 steps behind the play. If Dichio was 5 steps faster, he'd have 18 goals by now. He'd have a hat trick by now.

39 - Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) has NO QUIT in him. What was he doing in Honduras for that long and where was he last year? Unbelievable.

43 - Espinosa fails at another cross.

45 - Dichio scores a goal, but he was a yard off-side... called off.

Half-time emotion : optimistic. Other suggestions : crunk, pathetic. I'm assuming for KC.

We were informed by Harry Wetnap during a half-time phone call that Major League Soccer's Kansas City Wizards are the second fiddle team to the independent minor league baseball's Kansas City T-Bones. Bobby Lenarduzzi is complaining about the dangers of streamers.

47 - Hartmann bobbled a ball but nothing doing.

49 - Kansas City appears to be threatening TFC goal. We'll believe it when it happens.

51 - The Toronto Transit Commission gets a song. Not a flattering one either.

56 - GOAL - Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) buries the ball into the back of the net by chipping Hartmann.

57 - Dichio lays a ball off for Edu couldn't quite get to it. Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) is the frontrunner for man of the match.

61 - Kansas make two subs like it matters. We break out a song about how we're gonna win the league. Seriously, we're delerious.

64 - Sutton is forced to make a save by moving two steps to his left. He's having a boring game.

65 - Wee Jimmy B gets a song.

67 - SUB - Cunningham in for Dichio. Danny's had a rough game and Cunningham is more suited for the way the flow of the game is being played.

69 - Corner, where Sutton makes a giant save. Best chance of either side somehow comes from faux Chelsea. KC looks like TFC circa 2007.

70 - Hartmann made friends with a streamer that was wrapped around his arm. Touching and tender moments between two seemingly inanimate objects.

77 - Ricketts gets hauled down 5 yds outside of the box, free kick from Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) hooks it into the back of the net.

78 - We're starting to believe this whole "we're gonna win the league" crap, just a little.

79 - SUB - Dunnivant in for Ricketts. We start hating on Hartmann. "Couldn't stop a beach ball" *clap*clap*clap-clap-clap*

84 - KC almost conceded a sweet own goal. Would've been too poetic for words.

85 - SUB - Jarrod Smith in for... um... someone.

86 - Some of the east siders wanna leave a few minutes early to beat the traffic. These are Leaf fans looking for a summer hobby.

87 - Smith makes a maurading run down the right side of the field and gets nowhere. Talk about fresh legs, the kid can move. He's a late game breaker, that's for sure.

89 - Dorothy FC in one word : anemic.

91 - Harry Wetnap was calling because he was missing a helluva party.

92 - Cunningham gets hauled down in the box and the ref decides to have mercy on a Kansas City team that deserves a worse result than they are experiencing.

Thumbs up : We're on a three game winning streak.

Thumbs down : We're playing New York Extreme Beverage next.

Man of the match : Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) (9.5/10) in a no brainer. He's everywhere for the first 60-70 minutes, then loses a few steps in his game, but still trying and working hard. And his two goals were magic.

Goat : I hate to out the big man, but if I gotta single someone out for a weak game, Dichio was right off. I know as a big centre forward, his job is to get stuck in the middle, fight for space when he gets the ball and direct traffic. Maybe he wasn't getting the service all game long or the flow wasn't condusive to the Dichio-typical game, but his missed sitter and his seemingly regular out of position, Danny gets the title. I'm chalking it up to an off game.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Match Report - Salt Lake @ TFC

Ahh. Home opener. The home opener has become to mean comfort to me. Comfort of being amongst my people. Comfort of knowing I'm going to get home soon. Comfort of familiar faces who are just as insane as I am. God I've missed you buggers. I want to have you lads and lassies infront and behind me when I'm doing groceries, riding the train to work, etc. Like your favourite pair of socks, it's time to get comfy and get going.

Real Salt Lake (calling them Fake Pepper Sea, just isn't as funny in print as it is in my head) come to the B' in the same predicament, riding off of their first win of the season against a team they had no business getting a point against.

After flashes of brilliance, perseverance, and capitalizing on back-line cock-ups, TFC come in fresh off of defeating Landycakes, Old Spice and the Galaxy in the tool shed. Can the momentum continue? Can our dreams of a two-game win streak this early be a reality? Only time will tell. (We won, just keep reading) 1 - Not a cloud in the sky. Real Salt Lake is still the most embarassing name in the league. We miss having a Crew Cat, a stage and cheerleaders. No we don't.

4 - South end in full voice. We have about 7 months of pent up energy to unleash onto the game.

5 - Rimando stops a Guevera free kick. We need to yell ¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION! everytime Guevera does a free kick.

10 - We realize we have Ricketts on our team. I asked if it was curable.

16 - Guevera (¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!) nails a free kick into a Real defender, then shows the hustle to get the ball back. I already like this kid.

18 - Free kick from Jimmy B, Dichio and his defensive dance partner fall to the ground, resulting in a free kick for Atletico Salt Lake.

20 - We make up and debut our Laurent Robert song. It's to the tune of the french anthem, "Le Marseillaise", (La-la la la la la laaaaaaa la la, la la lau-rent robert!)

23 - The ref is worse than the one at Columbus. I'd like a homer just once.

24 - Deuchar from Deportivo La Salt Lake gets a mouthful of vitamin T (for turf) after being bulldogged by Dichio. Our big guy is bigger than your big guy.

25 - I had to go get my boy at the gate. He's late. Miss the Dichio song. Got a drink for my troubles.

30 - Ricketts gets a quick song to the tune of "Mickey".

31 - GOAL - Free kick for the reds as Guevera gets hauled down mere inches from the box. No card but whatever. Robert and Guevera line up for a free kick. Guevera fakes motion and Robert slots it in. (Originally I credited the goal to Jimmy B... my mistake)

32 - Salt Lake players are allowed to haul down TFC ones and not get a call.

34 - Break down the wing, we notice Dichio is sitting the middle unmarked. This explains why every cross was looking for the big man.

35 - TFC players are NOT allowed to haul down the Salt Lake ones in the same way as listed above.

41 - Midfield start passing the ball, looking very patient. Last year, their only known reference to a wing is if it followed the word 'chicken'. Amazing stuff.

45 - Wynne flies down the wing, nutmegs his defender, crosses the ball into the box and Dichio just can't get over the ball and sends it over the net. I'm getting goose-bumps.

Half-time emotion : euphoric. Outstanding football. Just magical. One of the finest halves of football we've ever seen at BMO. And some of us watched the U-20 finals.

47 - Recreativo Salt Lake get four chances in the TFC box and not a single shot hits Sutton. Out back four look amazing.

48 - Morales' first attempt at a corner kick, hits Robinson. He fails.

48 - Morales' second attempt at a corner kick, hits Robinson. He fails. Again.

48 - Morales' third attempt at a corner kick, hits Robinson. He fails. Again. Also. I hope he likes Seattle cuz that crap will be unprotected at end of season.

53 - Suspect Ricketts will get called on a foul because Salt Lake Unión Deportiva can't get the ball off him.

54 - One of the ballboys ran up to the sideline and threw a roll of streamers at Morales. He didn't hit him, but it was awesome. He's my candidate for man of the match, but the way TFC is playing, he won't make the top 5. Morales' fourth attempt at a corner... you get the idea. Robinson. Failed. Yep.

59 - Ref forgets that it's not an hand ball if you kick the ball at the defenders arm.

60 - Dichio is done. No sub to be found.

Question of the game : If Lombardo get a shoe deal, what is it? Answers given : Nike, Adidas, Diadora, Puma. Correct answer : Birkenstocks. (seriously, Andrea, score a goal and you'll be a legend)

63 - Wynne breaks free, moves out of shooting position, crosses to no one. Dichio was tired behind the play.

64 - Morales shanks a wide open ball on a volley somewhere into the lake. He'll be Philadelphia cuz Seattle will pass on him.

69 - Sutton gets a warm round of applause of appreciation from mid-113.

70 - Jimmy B. screams one from a awkward angle. Shortly afterward, Edu slides a ball into Dichio who turned and fired into a desparately sliding Salt Lake Wingert, likely saving the game from rolling into 2-0.

71 - Guevera got free and fed the ball onto Robinson's foot who skied the ball over the bar.

73 - RSL Wingert yellow card - held up Wynne due to lack of talent and ends up on the ref's Christmas card list.

79 - SUB - Robert for Dunnivant.

80 - Ricketts cross into Dichio who laid it to Robinson who rifled the bastard onto the Gardiner Expressway.

84 - The Flying Spaghetti Monster makes an appearance over half-way line in the form of streamers and tried to reach out with his noodly-appendages to the mighty reds as a blessing.

85 - SUB - Ricketts for Smith

86 - No idea who a clear cut man of the match is. Ballboy is out of the running by now.

90 - SUB - Dichio for Cunningham, and about 25 minutes too late. He looked beaten.

Thumbs up : Awesome game. We can conquor the world after this game.

Thumbs down : The league hasn't conceded the title to us yet.

Goals : Robert

Cards : NIL I think.

Man of the match : Robert 9/10. Scored the goal. Ran his ass off. Worked hard. Looked fantastic. But about 5 others could've had a strong argument for them... Guevera, Velez, Marshall, Ricketts, Wynne. Great team effort.

Goat : Umm... Morales was useless, but TFC looked dynamite. Everyone played so well.