Know your 2012 MLS Western Conference



For many in Toronto it feels like the season has already started. After the emotional roller-coaster that was the Champions League Quarterfinal on Wednesday, you can forgive Reds supporters for feeling a touch anti-climactic. But that won't last. Once the CCL hoo-hah has worn off there will be a palpable excitement for what 2012 holds.

　
Of course part of preparing for a season is brushing up on your competitors. This is the time of year when all of North America's serious football media make their annual predictions - and we at The Yorkies are nothing if not hard-hitting, serious investigative journalists. We start with a look at the Western Conference first since our desire for a single table is limited to shopping at IKEA. Go west - life is peaceful there... and they have quality tacos.
　
CHIVAS USA - Home Depot Center
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Robin Fraser/ A Mexican wrestler named "El Managerio"
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Goats/ Club Un-America
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Corona/ Nick LaBrocca: Personal Injury Lawyer
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Heath Pearce
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: The late Taco Bell dog; some dudes outside of a Home Depot; No fans of PUMAS, Santos Laguna, Club America or any other Mexican team that isn't Chivas Guadalajara
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Bottom of league / Still being referred to as "oh yeah, them"
　
COLORADO RAPIDS - Dick's Sporting Goods Park
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Oscar Pareja/ Champ Kind
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Rapids/ The RonBurgundys
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None/ Sex Panther Cologne
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Omar Cummings
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: A mountain man; RapidsMan; Anchorman
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Wildcard contenders/ Never an afternoon delight
　
FC DALLAS - FC Dallas Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Schellas Hyndman/ a confused Neil Warnock
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Hoops/ Queen's Park Texas Rangers
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None/ A random BBQ sauce stain
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: David Ferreira
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Lost high school football fans; Suburban cowboys; People who want a nice quiet place to sit for 2 hours
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Playoff contenders/ Playing quality football in front of dozens
　
LA GALAXY - Home Depot Center
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Bruce Arena/ Cartoon dog Droopy
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Galacticos / Davy Knickers & The Boyz
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Herbalife/ Victoria Beckham Jeans
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Landon Donovan
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Piers Morgan; Vinnie Jones; The Real Housewives of Carson, California
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contenders/ Waiting for season to end before rushing off on loan
　
PORTLAND TIMBERS - Jeld-Wen Field
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: John Spencer/ Timber Preki
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Timbers/ The Ironic Trees
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Alaskan Airlines/ American Apparel
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Kris Boyd
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Lumberjacks; Hipsters; Hipsters dressed as lumberjacks
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Out of playoffs/ Making all other fans wish they could party quite like that
　
REAL SALT LAKE - Rio Tinto Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Jason Kreis/ Mitt Romney
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Royals/ Jason Kreis and The Latter-day Saints
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Xango/ bwin (think about it!)
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Will Johnson
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Spanish royalty; Stockton & Malone; Sister wives
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contenders/ Playing in front of the whitest crowd in football
　
SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES - Buck Shaw Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Frank Yallop/ Dale Mitchell
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Quakes/ The Natural Disasters
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Amway/ Mayan Calendar Club
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Chris Wondolowski
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: The ghost of George Best; Seismology aficionados; Saint Joseph
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Wildcard contenders/ Still waiting to see a shovel in the ground
　
SEATTLE SOUNDERS - CenturyLink Field
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Sigi Schmid/ A Sasquatch in a scarf
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Sounders/ Sigi and the Hendersons
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: XBOX/ a spray painted Neo Geo
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Fredy Montero
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Frasier's dad; 30% of Soundgarden; Xavier McDaniel
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contenders/ Blinding those who look directly at their third kit
　
VANCOUVER WHITECAPS - BC Place
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Martin Rennie/ A yoga instructor
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Caps/ Crystal Meth Palace FC
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Bell/ Lululemon
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Darren Mattocks
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: The editors of High Times magazine; Orcas; Stan Smyl's moustache
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Bottom of league/ Still going on about SoccerBowl '79
　
Coming up tomorrow... "Know your 2012 MLS Eastern Conference"

The 200 Level Report - Toronto FC v Los Angeles... or OMGCONCACAFWTF?!

Its a beautiful night here.  Not a cloud in the sky.

Seriously.

Its been 4 months since my last heartbreak... And a week after that when I fell in love all over again (Dallas 0, Toronto 3).  Then we waited. Good news flooded in. Plata is staying, Ecks signed, Suarez got his litter box changed.  Its been a slow burn, but now we're at the cusp of an inferno (Thanks to @philbot101 for his woven tapestry of language).

Toronto sent the kids in against the Vancouver starting XI and held them to a 1-0 loss in the final of the Mickey Mouse Cup, but things are certainly looking up.  Everything's gonna be alright! (Naughty By Nature was onto something...)

Onto the match!

3 - Frei makes a good save from a shot 20 yds out.  Beckham woos the ladies with a cross that does nothing *swoon*

7 - Johnson with a cute back heel to Ecks who makes a run.  Nothing there but an Ecks run is nice

12 - GOAL - corner from Frings, pinball, Ryan Johnson takes a half volley, buries it.  Eat it Landon.

TORONTO 1 - LOS ANGELES 0

18 - GOAL - Frings loops a soft ball into the box and its headed by newboy Luis Silva.  45,000 people proceed to lose. Their. Shit.

TORONTO 2 - LOS ANGELES 0

29 - GOAL - cross over top of Frei ends up at the foot of the unmarked McGee and he pots it.  Damn.

TORONTO 2 - LOS ANGELES 1

32 - The dome holds its breath for the outcome of a Becks free kick 25 yds dead centre.  Mass exhalation as its stopped by Frei.

45 - Becks goes for a 50 yd chip over Frei... Goes very well wide.

Half time mood - cautiously optimistic.

Got to meet @WakingtheRed of Waking The Red fame and @kzknowles of West Stand Girl notoriety.  Both lovely and received the amazing Yorkies Card Set (is it shilling if we aren't actually selling the cards? But I have some to give away...).  @theyorkies1812 wanted to come along but I ditched him without telling him. My bad.

56 - YELLOW - Saunders catches the ball and steps clearly over the line, no call.  Koevermans has a problem and tries to solve it.  Gets a yellow for it.

57 - SUB - Plata off for Lambe, tactical surely.

62 - this match has gone from entertaining to an aeronautics display as a paper airplane contest has broken out.  One landed on the edge of the box.

64 - Koevermans repeats the Beckham move.  Misses by feet instead of sections.

68 - OMFG... Johnson cross, Silva deflection, Koevermans can't control it to get a shot off as the keeper was out of position.  Heartbreaking.

70 - Frei bails out the pinball madness in front of him with sure hands.

71 - Convinced the 500 level thinks they're at a Jays game.  In addition to the paper planes, they're trying to start a wave.  I know it's a little boring but try and pay attention, will ya's. 

Quote of the Match

I built a boomerang!

~ Two rows down with a paper airplane fail that once released would loop and return to him

77 - Johnson with a nice low cross and Koevermans gets there too early and slides his wide of the net.

80 - YELLOW - Frei gets a booking for apparently being angry and not playing for the LA Beckhams.

** Crowd announced at 47,658.  Well done to TFC fans and to women who want to scream like an 11 yr old at Beckham **

88 - SUB - Barrett comes on.  Sometimes, just sometimes, we miss the hustle...

89 - GOAL - Donovan wins the pinball game in the box.  There goes the atmosphere... There goes the tie.

TORONTO 2 - LOS ANGELES 2

90 - SUB - Maund comes in, Silva off.  Good debut for Silva.

The fourth official indicates there will be 4 extra minutes of added time to help LA get more away goals

90 +1 - SUB - Dunfield off for Stinson... 30 mins too late

Full Time : Toronto FC 2, LA Beckhams 2

Man of the Match : Frings was first class tonight.

Goat of the Game : Ty Harden was in coach most of the match, possibly even where the baggage is stored or on a different plane altogether.

Ref Rating :  1 out of 5.  Seriously, how much can a ref be in a team's back pocket?  It was brutal watching LA players push Toronto guys around and not so much as a twitchy eye from the officials.  Too many people were star-gazing over Beckham, in fact 3 idiots in green too many.  This discount ref school that produces such jokes must be by correspondence... I would like a proper explanation as to why Frei was booked?

It was a trip to be at a meaningful match with that many people there.  Sure, there were dead spots but impressive.  If the acoustics were better, LA would've been taken out of the match.

Toronto operated with a careful tone, however with a modicum of pressure, results happened.  Two of them to be precise.  Once they were up, they took the foot off the gas as if that would be enough with a team of $13 million of talent (estimated) in DPs plus a dearth of talent that can ruin a perfectly good match.  And they were deservedly punished for that.  Once Toronto settled being up 2-0, LA took the discarded reigns and controlled the pace of the match to their liking.  Certainly Toronto's counter-attack will be a lovely added touch to a blossoming arsenal of weapons, but no matter how you try to spin it, LA is still the defending champions and they are not to be taken lightly.  Ever.

Though the call for the tie being 'wrapped up' due to the 2 away goals, there are a few iotas of hope. (1) LA will have a raucous crowd of 6000 due to exams at the university where the Home Depot Center is (never forget that the words Major League in Major League Soccer is merely a name, not a designation). (2) Toronto has a history of doing the rediculously unlikely away from home when there's something on the line (ask Dallas and Montreal about a comeback).

Johnson showed off his killer instinct and a goal from newcomer Silva leaves supporters to believe that Toronto's offensive woes may finally be coming to a close.

And I feel a small amount of guilt calling Kosic the new number 1.  Though he is good enough to be starting on any side in the league and be very good, Frei has proven to me that he is a bucket of awesome with a side of freshly made amazing.  Milan will certainly get his time, but it's all Frei now.

Player Ratings : Frei 7; Eckersley 7, Aceval 6.5, Harden 5.5, Morgan 7; Frings 7.5, Dunfield 6 [Stinson N/A], Silva 7 [Maund N/A]; Johnson 7, Koevermans 6.5, Plata 6 [Lambe 6]

THE MATCHUP: Raise the roof!

We built a house on Bremner Boulevard...



TORONTO VS. LOS ANGELES
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE QUARTERFINAL - 1ST LEG
　
SKYDOME - WEDNESDAY 8PM
TV: SPORTSNET (ALL REGIONS)
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Biggest. Match... oh you know the rest. It's the match that got us through winter. Arguably one of the biggest club football matches in Canadian history. Yes, it's "Davy Knickers and The Boyz" against our beloved Reds in front of approximately 45,000 people in The Artist Formerly Known as SkyDome.
　
The CONCACAF Quarterfinal marks only the second time a Canadian club has progressed this far in the continental competition. Playing what many would consider the most star-laden club in North America since The Cosmos of the 70's, makes it that much bigger. Most of North America, including Galaxy themselves, seems to have written off TFC before the first whistle but perhaps thousands of devoted fans, Astroturf and the phallic power of the CN Tower can produce an upset that would make MLS' promotions department weep.
　
What does TFC have to do? Play hard from the first minute - not take 20 minutes to warm-up. It would be surprising if Galaxy don't try to strike early to take out the crowd so The Reds need to be on their toes immediately. Aron Winter's squad need to channel that crowd energy and fight off the nerves as well as take the game to Galaxy. Bruce Arena's team has too much firepower to sit back and try to weather the storm. They need to be brave, not hide Torsten Frings into oblivion as Ty Harden's babysitter and take their game to LA... win, lose or draw.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "Biggest 1st Leg Ever"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Stefan Frei, Torsten Frings, Danny Koevermans
LOS ANGELES: David Beckham, Landon Donovan, Robbie Keane
　
THE ODDS:
- Every, single Galaxy tactic aimed directly at Ty Harden: EVENS
- Chad Barrett cramping on Galaxy bench: 3-1
- Joe Carter scoring winning PK for TFC in extra time: 50-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
The star-filled Galaxy is easily MLS' most talented club on paper. While their ability to constantly sign stars above and beyond their DP limit is curious to some, many justify it with good financial management and the appeal of California. Vociferous defenders will yell "ALLOCATION!" and "WAIT FOR THE UNION SALARY LIST" in response while painting those who question it as bitter conspiracy theorists. Of course league documents could never be questioned could they? In response to the questioning, Galaxy has laid out their next few signings in a transparent way:
 - ALESSANDRO DEL PIERO: $40,000 and all-you-can-eat coupon to all Southern California Olive Garden restaurants 
 - RONALDINHO: $37,000 and an orthodontist
 - FRANK LAMPARD: Get Andre Villas Boas fired then $43,000 and a meat pie goal bonus
　
TOMORROW'S HEADLINE: "CHAD BARRETT TAKES SHOT ON GOAL - DOZENS INJURED ON 500 LEVEL"

THE STARTING 11: Side effects of Toronto FC's youthful squad at Disney

I said "TFC" not "BSC"!



Everyone felt warm and fuzzy after Saturday night's "loss" to Vancouver Whitecaps at The Mickey Mouse Cup. Except maybe the Whitecaps. Yes they got a trophy but it was on the back of barely beating a team of teens, trialists and Nick Soolsma. Hard to lift a trophy proudly when you just traded shirts with a 15-year old. The young squad was a sign that TFC's commitment to its Academy program may soon start bearing fruit but it's not always easy to field such a young group of Reds...
　
11. Had to stock the team fridge with tons of chocolate milk in case they needed to drink something out of the trophy
　
10. Always wearing their shorts too low and baggy
　
9. Two players benched after Friday night bender of eating cotton candy and riding Disney World's "Teacups" ride until they were sick
　
8. A sudden push to re-brand club "Young Boys Toronto"
　
7. Players instinctively trying to press "X" button whenever they get close to goal
　
6. Team always having to share practice facilities with 4-year olds from "Timbits Soccer"
　
5. Long distance phone bills skyrocketing from Danny Dichio's insistence that he reads every player a story before bedtime
　
4. Second half was played with such ferocity as 10PM curfew was getting close
　
3. Defensive markings often missed as players stop during run of play to text their girlfriends
　
2. Coach Jason Bent forced to switch tactical gameday videos with re-runs of DeGrassi
　
1. Ugly child abuse accusations being hurled at Whitecaps

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Whitecaps steal kids’ prize at Disney World

Hungry, forceful teens

This was what the whole Total Football revolution was all about. Just over a year since Aron Winter and Co. took over Toronto FC, the club is in the finals of a prestigious rodent-based tournament. So excited for tonight's final against Vancouver are Toronto FC that they packed up 99% of the first team squad and came home to Hogtown yesterday. 

In all seriousness, Winter has done the right thing in not risking injury to any starters only four days before the big CCL matchup against David Beckham's junk. But, haters gonna hate and some grumpy types will be displeased that TFC is leaving The Mickey Mouse title in the hands of their Academy... and Nick Soolsma... but they'd be grumpier if a Torsten Frings twisted a knee for a useless trophy and missed Wednesday night. So, it's up to the kids to be alright... it's Tiny Talent Time!

1’ - The online feed finally comes to life with rumours that TSN asked the game to be played on ice before broadcasting it. It’s TFC’s kids (and Soolsma) vs. those pot smokin’ hippies.

7’ - TFC Kid Jay Chapman artfully stymies an Eric Hassli run much to the moody Cap’s dismay/embarrassment

10’ - Vancouver’s generic Brazilian, Camilo, slices through TFC’s Junior Defence and roofs the ball over young GK Quillan Roberts. TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 1

20’ - TFC Kids doing their best to hold off the much bigger (and professional) Caps squad. Some frantic defending but not bad considering the general difference in pedigree

26’ - Caps’ 2nd overall SuperDraft pick Darren Mattocks fouled Oscar Cordon from behind… possibly because he felt Cordon was behind him not being drafted 1st overall

30’ - Feels creepy having our young players being forced to shoot on Vancouver GK/adult film star "Joe Cannon"

35’ - Whitecaps suddenly having trouble dominating a CSL team

40’ - ESPN3’s announcers warn viewers for the second time that you will be mobbed by fans if you are near Vancouver’s Korean defender Lee Young-Pyo. Fine! Brunch is off Young-Pyo - get your waffles and KimChee somewhere else.

45’ - Reds go close to tying the game but Joe Cannon got his filthy hands all over their balls. A quality half from what is pretty much TFC Academy with good displays from Moises Orozco (P. Coltrane), Keith "Don’t Call Me BooYah" Makubuya and Quillan "Is Serial Quillan Inappropriate?" Roberts

TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 1

47’ - TFC Kids have come out in the second half full of piss and milk and cookies. Want it more than Whitecaps in the early going

54’ - Eric Hassli limps off with a knock - the best advertisement for TFC’s decision not to play any First Team starters tonight

58’ - TFC Kids have had a downright dominant few minutes with Efrain Burgos Jr. getting a close chance on goal

60’ - TFC sub on the highly touted Stefan Vukovic and the outrageously young Josh Hamilton - a 15-year old. Even if Whitecaps win… they beat a team with a 15-year old.

63’ - Three agonizing near-misses for TFC’s Teen Hunger Force in 15 seconds. Deserved.

74’ - "It’s a Small World After All" would be a great chant by the TFC supporters in Florida right about now

76’ - Quillan Roberts tries to "pull an England" by booming a goal kick the length of the field. Composed night for the young keeper who could be headed towards a pro contract.

82’ - If coach Jason Bent doesn’t allow these kids to stay up late tonight, eat cotton candy and ride Space Mountain then there is no justice

85’ - Vancouver can have The Mickey Mouse Cup… we’ll keep the Voyageurs Cup thanks.

90’ - In the end, an insignificant friendly doesn’t mean too much. Vancouver won’t be happy that they couldn’t put the sword to a team full of teens and trialists while supporters of TFC can feel a little warm and fuzzy about the Academy. The best result for TFC? A rested starting 11 for Wednesday… when the real fun begins.

TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 1

Yorkies Cards 2011 - Pack 9

Although we've come... to the end of the road... still I can't let you go...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the last pack of the set. It's been a strange time for all of us on this journey. I mean, what 54 card set needs 3 DeRo's, 2 Santos', a cat and a sandwich? Now that I re-read that, the only answer I can come up with is "something we'd do". And we did. The last batch you'll find Kyle Beckerman, Matt Stinson, and every kid card collector's worst nightmare to get in a pack. Yep, I went there...

That being said, I did print these cards up, all nice and shiny-like. I have earmarked some of the sets for people (kzknowles and WakingTheRed, to name a few), but there are others. If you are interested, please drop me a line and we'll see what's what.

Download Pack 9 [PDF]

LETTERS FROM CAMP: "Can we play you, can we play you, can we play you every week?"

Dallatasaray - Pride of Turkxas



It's the final group stage match at The Mickey Mouse Cup for Toronto FC but also their first preseason match against a MLS club. Tonight's tilt sees The Reds face off against the team that gave TFC something to look forward to over winter - FC Dallas. As you remember, The Hoops folded like a cheap shirt in the final Champions League Group Stage match last autumn, paving the way for TFC to head to the quarterfinals against Davy Knickers and The Boyz at SkyDome next week. The least The Reds could do is let Dallas have first place at Disney. With that in mind... Ty harden starts tonight... to the pitch for equally useful highlights!

- Mickey Mouse delivers the game ball to the refs in what appears to be a Sheffield Wednesday kit. Who knew Mickey ups The Owls?
1' - Reds go for the "Triangle" offence by opting for Reggie Lambe over Ryan Johnson just before kick-off
7' - Unfair advantage for FC Dallas - warm weather and a stadium with less than 300 people in attendance... exactly like mid-season at Pizza Hut Park
12' - Bob de Klerk insanely yelling instructions at Ty Harden before a Dallas set piece. The X-Rated pictures Harden must have of TFC management must be damning. No other explanation.
19' - Nothing but love for Milos Kocic but Stefan Frei is undoubtedly the # 1
21' - After 20 minutes Joao Plata offers the first hint of TFC offence. Disjointed.
26' - Reggie Lambe makes his first good run in 3 matches. Still undercooked.
32' - By no means have TFC been pretty but the mlssoccer.com announcers would have nicer things to say about the Hitler Select XI at the Mussolini Testimonial Match
35' - Out of absolutely nothing Luis Silva goes Route 1 and plows through FC Dallas' defence and pushes the ball past The Hoops' keeper. TORONTO FC 1 - FC DALLAS 0
37' - Lambe gets chopped (thank you) by FCD keeper and deserves a PK but minor league ref gives him a yellow for diving instead. Sport Goofy officiating.
39' - Did "Master of The Draft" Mo Johnston pick Luis Silva? The rookie makes it two by pouncing on a loose ball and firing it into goal. TORONTO FC 2 - FC DALLAS 0
45' - Reds dominant after waking up in the last 15 minutes but need to bring that at 0:01 against Los Angeles

TORONTO FC 2 - FC DALLAS 0

48' - Miguel Aceval establishing himself as the anchor of TFC's central defence
52' - mlssoccer.com announcers trying to make nicknames for Luis Silva... umm do they not read us and Waking The Red? Helloooooo? "Silva Bullet"?
60' - Ashtone Morgan leaves the match for trialist Kevin Huezo. Morgan has been very solid in all three preseason matches
65' - TFC Academy director Thomas Rongen's finds of Kevin Huezo and Moises Orozco making decent arguments for full contracts
70' - Everybody out of the pool. Only Terry Dunfield remains from starting eleven.
78' - The kids are alright as TFC's youth grinding down FCD's youth
81' - After 5 years, Toronto FC may have finally found the key to making playoff rounds - always finish off by playing Dallas
83' - Ryan Johnson giving hope that TFC has two capable strikers with a calmly placed finish to put The Reds up by three. TORONTO FC 3 - FC DALLAS 0
88' - MLS announcers struggling to find something nice to say about TFC despite a 3-0 lead
90'- Promising signs after the first half hour as TFC now gets ready to play The Mickey Mouse Final on Saturday night against those pot smoking hippies - Vancouver Whitecaps

TORONTO FC 3 - FC DALLAS 0

Yorkies Cards 2011 - Pack 8

We are nearing the end of this elaborate gag. It's been a journey of laughs and "what the hell were we thinking" type moments. With Champs League just around the corner, we will finally be resuming our regular actual football focus shortly. Hey, what does a 'down homer', a model, and Doneil Henry have in common? They're all in this pack! You'll find Ante Jazic, Adrian Cann and, er, Doneil Henry in the latest contribution to the madness.

Download Pack 8 [PDF]

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Reds serve up a BK whopper

Footballs? Pancakes? Boobies?

With just a week to go before "The Biggest Game In TFC History" (TM), The Reds continue in the group stage of The Mickey Mouse Cup. Tonight's opponent are Swedish also-rans BK Hacken of the Allsvenskan, marking the second time Toronto faces "The Hedge" in its history. It also marks a rare chance to trot out every Swedish stereotype and pun we can muster as we follow the match. IKEA allen keys at the ready... let's play meatball... er, football...

- The always fun MLS online stream kicks in just as "O Canada" starts up, leaving those watching back in Sweden angry that their anthem was muted. Sorry for the racism you three.

2' - Ty Harden back in the line-up tonight. He is the IKEA "Billy" bookcase of defenders. It does in a pinch but you know you need something better.

8' - Milos Kocic getting a chance to claim the # 1 spot tonight. BK Hacken doing their best early to give him practice. One way traffic - Volvo traffic - so far.

11' - I know this is coming from Disney World but does the cameraman have to be sitting on The Teacups ride? Online nausea.

14' - BK Hacken yellow card as Ashtone Morgan takes boot to the face. Dirty Viking.

18' - Torsten Frings playing in the conservative old sweeper role. Assumed that the off-season defensive makeover would fix that. Nope. Perhaps an aforementioned bookcase the reason.

23' - Miguel Aceval slams a Swede into the ground. Yellow card. Wussy non-Viking.

33' - MLS commentator quote of the match: "Free kick to the team on foreign soil..." mlssoccer.com may need an atlas.

35' - Frings cracks the woodwork from a long-distance free kick - Ryan Johnson caught offside trying to put in the rebound

44' - After sustained pressure, Luis Silva dummies a pass across Hacken's goal which Ryan Johnson slots home easily. TORONTO FC 1 - BK HACKEN 0

45'+ - Wondering if the Swedish Chef knows how to make a halftime Herring Butty

　

TORONTO FC 1 - BK HACKEN 0

47' - Lingenberries were a bad idea.

52' - Danny Koevermans picking up a minor knock for the second game in a row

54' - Eric Avila, Koevermans and Reggie Lambe all miss putting TFC up by two

57' - A very dodgy penalty decision gives Hacken's Drugge the chance to level the match with a PK which he does with ease. TORONTO FC 1 - BK HACKEN 1

62' - Hour into the match and not a hint of a Swedish Bikini Team

67' - Removing Harden in the second half allowing Frings to play his most useful role in the centre of the park. Just saying.

70' - Second half much like Sweden's most hilarious comedy film... not funny.

73' - Kocic has shown more rust tonight than Stefan Frei did against Orlando City

77' - BK Hacken coaches yelling random "jorgi, borgi borgi, djunp dorp, dorp dorp dorp" at players. It's such a romantic language.

85' - Not a bad way to apply for a job as trialist Moises Orozco (P. Coltrane) scores a cracker for TFC in the midst of being fouled from behind. TORONTO FC 2 - BK HACKEN 1 (Awesome nickname courtesy of Waking The Red)

88' - Nick Soolsma has had cat scratch fever in the last 5 minutes

90' - Soolsma makes meatballs out of Hacken's defence before feeding Joao Plata a pass which the tiny dancer pops into goal. TORONTO FC 3 - BK HACKEN 1

90'+ - Back to the drawing board for Hacken. The drawing board of course being a set of IKEA instructions

　

TORONTO FC 3 - BK HACKEN 1

LETTERS FROM CAMP: The Un-Mighty Bouch

And then there was one.                       Photo: Toronto FC



ELBEKAY WE HARDLY KNEW YA!
In a bit of an unexpected move, Toronto FC announced that they have waived midfielder Elbekay Bouchiba. The experienced holding mid joined The Reds a year ago as part of a Dutch trio of signings alongside Nick Soolsma and Javier Martina. Bouchiba's signing last year had some guessing that he was a built-in replacement for the underachieving Julian de Guzman but a preseason ACL tear saw the tough-looking Dutch-Moroccan miss the entire season. With a year away from the game, a medium-sized contract and an international roster spot hanging over his head, his dismissal isn't a shock but perhaps the timing, one week before the club's first competitive match, is.
　
DOME AWAY FROM HOME
The Reds patted themselves on the back yesterday by announcing that the SkyDome was "sold out" for next week's CCL match against Davy Knickers and The Boyz. Capped at 43,500 - the match will of course break all previous TFC attendance records but how many bums avec seats is yet to be seen. The usual number of scalper-held tickets along with large swathes of "corporate client" seats could still create some empty spaces but no matter what, it will still make Argos management and fans double-blue with envy. That is of course if the usual Toronto sports-fan habit of showing up a half-hour late can be avoided.
　
GEO POSTIONING
Not really shocking for anyone who watched him struggle against Orlando City but Geovanny Caicedo says he is having difficulty with the North American game. In a surprisingly candid interview with MLS en Español (article here... but in aforementioned foreign language) the hulking Ecuadorian admits to be surprised over the level of physicality and crashing on a MLS backline. It is a bit surprising considering Caicedo's frame but it may be a while before we see the best of the defender.