The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Sunday, March 20, 2011

AFTER 90: Vancouver puts a Cap in our a**!

Vancouver. You're fit buy my gosh don't you know it.


There are a couple of reasons why tonight's heavy defeat to MLS debutantes Vancouver hurt that bit more than Toronto FC's usual season opening let-down. The fact that the "oh-so-perfect" Whitecaps are a brand new MLS club and will be able to crow about this victory stings for sure. However, the big let-down for TFC supporters tonight comes from months of holding our collective breaths then exhaling into an exasperated sigh of tough times ahead. Here's how BC's finest put said cap in said a**...
1' - After an opening ceremony that used leftovers from the Winter Olympics and more white latex than is surely healthy, the first all-Canuck match in MLS kicked-off
3' - TFC briefly making fans think that the Dutch messiah had appeared as Winter's boys play inspired voetbal with Nick Soolsma and Javier Martina owning the wing play
7' - Obviously a safe-sex campaign in the stands at Empire Field as many fans dressed as oversized condoms
14' - GOAL! We waited 5 games in year one, Vancouver waits less than 15 minutes for their 1st ever goal in MLS. DP striker Eric Hassli showing what a DP striker can strike.
15' - Caps fans mimic the famed "Dichio" cushion toss by partially showering, er... dribbling the sidelines with their safe-sex ponchos. Fail
16' - Vancouver is the shiniest most perfect place ever. Apparently
18' - GOAL! Dwayne De Rosario disagrees with the above and hushes the crowd with a great effort to tie the game. It's also the league's 8000th goal ever
20' - Empire Field sorely lacking a Star Wars theme despite name
22' - GOAL! Every Canadian's favourite ex-Shrewsbury Town player Terry Dunfield puts Whitecaps ahead as Toronto's "Gargan-Harden Defense Comedy Jam" gifts a goal
27' - Caps fans happily holding their souvenir Aboriginal-esque drums like the extras in Karate Kid 2: The Karateing
31' - TFC managing to play, not quite Total Football but... Fifty Percent Football
37' - Vancouver Field Turf looks sorta "muppet-y"
39' - Whitecaps starting to dominate midfield heavily. Reds losing shape and concentration
46' - Keith "Booyah" Makubuya in for Nick Soolsma who was looking out of sorts
49' - Not only do Vancouver have adult film star / keeper Joe Cannon they also have defender Jonathan Leathers. So erotic!
52' - Aron Winter's half time talk must have been too "Dutchish" as TFC have come out very flat in 2nd half.
57' - Steve Nash shown in the crowd looking oddly like an adult version of "Eight Is Enough" child star Adam Rich
60' - TFC can't find a rhythm. Unlike the crowd who start their "WHITE"..."CAPS" chant which sounds eerily white-powerish. The hooded ponchos aren't helping.
63' - GOAL! A lovely set-up from Dan Gargan's thigh/ ass sets up Vancouver's Atiba Harris for a sitter
65' - Stefan Frei Mike Palmateer's a hard shot stopping another Caps goal
70' - TFC makes changes as Gianluca Zavarise and Mikael Yourassowsky come in for Nathan Sturgis and Jacob Peterson
72' - GOAL! It doesn't help as Eric Hassli exposes TFC's defence like a Nightline special report. One of the poorest Toronto defensive showings in ages.
74 ' - GOAL! Seemingly out of nothing Maicon Santos drills a left-footer past Caps' keeper Jay Nolly. Words "too little" and "too late" come to mind
78' - Realize the secret to Vancouver's success is the amount of players who are nouns on the team. Cannon, Leathers, Tan & Koffie. Surely there's a 3 noun limit.
85' - A Canucks playoff game has broken out as Caps fans sing the "Na-na-na-na Goodbye" song. Lenarduzzi, please.
90' + - With the Whitecaps 20-person Native (filled by non-First Nations) drumming corps losing their minds, the ref calls a day on a big day in Canadian soccer... and a Saturday for TFC
While it's hard not to feel extremely disappointed with the result, we have been tirelessly warned by Winter & Co. that this is a major overhaul and requires time and patience. Winter deserves such time for sure but the patience barrel for many in Toronto is nearing empty after four long years. Sadly, if fans want long-term success, more days like these are likely on the horizon before we see the inevitable signs of progress.
Stefan Frei 6 / Adrian Cann 5 / Dan Gargan 4 / Nana Attakora 6 / Ty Harden 4 / Jacob Peterson 5 / Nathan Sturgis 5 / Dwayne De Rosario 6 / Nick Soolsma 5 / Javier Martina 5 / Maicon Santos 6 / SUBS: Keith Makubuya 5 / Gianluca Zavarise 6 / Mikael Yourassowsky 6
TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Dwayne De Rosario... by default
TFC GOAT OF THE MATCH: HARGAN - the Gargan-Harden hybrid monster
MATCH IN FIVE WORDS: White. Drummy. Offside nap. Deflating


  1. HARGAN indeed.

    I can't wait to hear the explanation of this choice of CB's, it's ludicrous.

  2. Love the streets reference. works perfectly for vancouver.

    hopefully winter thinks cann has learnt his lesson now, so he can put him back at cb.

    and fine, for whatever reason he doesn't want to play cann at cb, but what does it say about his opinion of our lb's that he'd rather put cann there.

  3. So, after LaBrocca was moved, Winter playing Harden was more of a "this-one-is-for-sale" view. Harden hardly appeared in pre-season play and to give him a start in actual league play is either cunning or Winter may actually be a moron.

    I'll go with the cunning sale aperture.

  4. Not surprised at all and seen it coming if I'm honest. I think we're in for a slow start to this season and it could well be a transitional season entirely. I understand supporters frustrations having waiting 4 years already, but let's face facts, we have had a complete management overhaul and they're implementing a new system, we were a distinctly average side last year so to expect us to suddenly become competitive after all that in one winter is expecting way to much.

    People are furious that we haven't spent money on top players, but who do they feel was readily available? I've little doubt money is available and that Winter is choosing to be wise with the money and find the right man that is good for the long term rather than panic buy someone for the here and now. Any half decent DP type player probably won't come available until the end of the European season anyway so I'm prepared to wait.

    It's going to be rough at times this year, but at least we should see more goals in total even if they are 4-3 type results to the oposition!!

  5. ^Bull,
    And Vancouver was able to secure a DP. So have other teams.
    Folks.....stop feeding the "hop" Machine that is MLSE. They do not spend money they take yours though.

    No Beer. No Gear. (I hate the gray shoulders.....)

  6. You got evidence that they have with held money from Winter when he has asked to spend it or are you just assuming? Chances are Winter is going to be patient to find the right man because we're not building for April and May, we're building for the long-term.

    I think anyone thinking we were going to be competing this year was seriously kidding themselves.

  7. Though Harden and Gargan had pretty rough games in all areas, on the first goal I felt Attakora did a redundant job of tracking the guy Harden was covering and then was out of position to deal with Harris; Gargan then had to deal with Harris, leaving no one to cover Hassili. Attakora gets a 5 for his performance, same as Cann.

  8. I disagree with your choice of MOTM

    Think it should be Santos with one goal and an assist.

    Just saying.

  9. I can't believe ML$E somehow convinced my to renew my Season's Seats AND pay premium prices for essentially a low level product.

    I don't think we could beat a CSL team for awhile.

    Back to no beer, no gear status.

  10. @ Tuffy...

    After further review of the game I tend to agree with you. Sadly the 8-foot-trophy was already sent to De Ro. Think you're right though.

  11. Ha... I'm sure Me-ro will send it back wanting a bigger one.