Toronto FC wages "War on Puns"

Goodnight, sweet prince.



Let's cut the crap Toronto FC. We know what you're up to and yes, we're taking it personally. You aren't making personnel moves based on talent, roster size, salary cap or international slots. No... you wily devils are trying to destroy the TFC blog industry one pun at a time! We already know you do everything in your power to control the message ("who went to Glasgow with the what now?") but this is our livelihoods* (*the kind of livelihood that doesn't pay you a cent) you are playing with! For shame!
　
The proof is in the butty, friends. In the last few weeks, Toronto FC has dispatched hundreds of unused "Junior CheeseBurgos" puns with the unceremonious dumping of Efrain Burgos Jr. They followed that up by "loaning" Joao Plata back to LDU Quito... you know, after pretending Ecuador was make-believe for two weeks. So many "tiny", "short" and "Los Webster" headlines... gone. Then yesterday, the final insult, the release of Nick Soolsma - a man we built an industry out of based on his genuine love for his cat "Suarez". Seriously, let's not even get into the goldmine that was Aron Winter. It's nameism we tell you!
　
Think we are just being paranoid? Explain to us how these finely crafted pun-machines were let go without a whimper yet Miguel "Ace is all we've got" Aceval and Ty "Try Harder" Harden are still here?! Those are such lame headline makers! You may laugh as our ratings tumble at the hands of TFC but don't come crying to us when Reggie Lambe and Dicoy Williams are released next week! Maybe an act of good faith, like signing Italian trialist Alberto "The Gelato" Giuliatto could prove us wrong - but we're sure The Reds are up to no good! You can bet Yourassowsky!