THE STARTING 11: Wasted puns due to Sporting Kansas City's re-branding

Wait for it...

From a football league point of view, we think the re-branding job done by Saturday's opponent Sporting Kansas City was aces. Any time a MLS club shakes their former roller hockey nickname, an angel gets his wings. Looking at you Impact. That being said, the rainbow madness that was Kansas City Wiz/Wizards was always such a nice pun-filled bonus for blog hacks like us. Fixtures against the ex-Wiz now see great/awful punmeat like so go wasted...

11. "Reds hit tough spell"

10. "There's no plays like at home"

9. "Waste the rainbow!"

8. "A cauldron of sh*t"

7. "Up the Wizard's sleeve"

6. "You shall not pass! Or score!"

5. "Wiz all over us"

4. "S-Orr-cery" / "Orr-lock"

3. "MLSE finds pot of gold... under beer stand"

2. "Bumbledorks"

1. "Bored of the Rings"

THE STARTING 11: Philadelphia wordplay we managed to resist

On loan from QPR



We know what we are. We have an ounce of self-awareness that we dabble often in the dark arts of punnage and hackneyed gagging. It is our chip butty bread and butter. See? Of all MLS fixtures, we find the Philadelphia matchups the hardest when it comes to resisting temptation of woeful wordsmithing. Philly offers so many rich veins to tap - from Fresh Princeses, Cosbys (Cosbi?), Brother Loving, both cheese and steaks and of course Rockybalboas. Despite our love of phraseturning, we did manage to ignore these sitters this past weekend. Set eyes to "roll"...
　
11. "Chester Cheat-oh's"
　
10. "Reds get off to a Rocky start""
　
9. "Le Toux legit to quit"
　
8. "Hey Farfan. Hey Farfan. Why don't you come home with a real team?"
　
7. Nah, nah, nah, Ali Gerba - Hey! Hey! Hey!"
　
6. "Sideline analysis from ADRIAAAAAAAN Serioux"
　
5. "Huxtable sweater kits"
　
4. "Hoagie Ephraim"
　
3. "Referees just don't understand"
　
2. "If we tie... we tie"
　
1. "Bendik got in one little foul and we all got scared, but the goal was disallowed which we all found fair"

Toronto FC wages "War on Puns"

Goodnight, sweet prince.



Let's cut the crap Toronto FC. We know what you're up to and yes, we're taking it personally. You aren't making personnel moves based on talent, roster size, salary cap or international slots. No... you wily devils are trying to destroy the TFC blog industry one pun at a time! We already know you do everything in your power to control the message ("who went to Glasgow with the what now?") but this is our livelihoods* (*the kind of livelihood that doesn't pay you a cent) you are playing with! For shame!
　
The proof is in the butty, friends. In the last few weeks, Toronto FC has dispatched hundreds of unused "Junior CheeseBurgos" puns with the unceremonious dumping of Efrain Burgos Jr. They followed that up by "loaning" Joao Plata back to LDU Quito... you know, after pretending Ecuador was make-believe for two weeks. So many "tiny", "short" and "Los Webster" headlines... gone. Then yesterday, the final insult, the release of Nick Soolsma - a man we built an industry out of based on his genuine love for his cat "Suarez". Seriously, let's not even get into the goldmine that was Aron Winter. It's nameism we tell you!
　
Think we are just being paranoid? Explain to us how these finely crafted pun-machines were let go without a whimper yet Miguel "Ace is all we've got" Aceval and Ty "Try Harder" Harden are still here?! Those are such lame headline makers! You may laugh as our ratings tumble at the hands of TFC but don't come crying to us when Reggie Lambe and Dicoy Williams are released next week! Maybe an act of good faith, like signing Italian trialist Alberto "The Gelato" Giuliatto could prove us wrong - but we're sure The Reds are up to no good! You can bet Yourassowsky!