THE STARTING 11: Ways Ryan Nelsen passes the time on transatlantic flights

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It's hard not to take a shine to our new New Zealish new overlord Ryan Nelsen. During his few appearances so far in Toronto he has come across as an affable and thoughtful gent who is genuinely excited about his opportunity to manage TFC. Of course his hiring wasn't without controversy - especially the early fears that he wouldn't arrive for duty until after the Premier League season ended. Of course that has now been sorted, and hand-wringing has been decreased, but Nelsen still has to fly back-and-forth to London a few times before he settles in Toronto for good. The man must be running out of passport pages by now which makes us wonder… just how does he spend his time on those numerous and annoying long-haul flights?
　
11. Tries to figure out how many more Air Miles he needs to buy the southern half of New Zealand
　
10. Attempts to figure out what Jim Brennan actually does
　
9. Assigns each TFC player a character from Lord of the Rings
　
8. Gets around to reading Andrew Boyens' four dozen recent text messages "RE: Job"
　
7. Works on the lyrics for his upcoming debut hip-hop album "Straight Outta Christchurch"
　
6. Reads all three pages of the book "Legends of New Zealand Soccer"... again
　
5. Gets back to doing Harry Redknapp's taxes
　
4. Has one too many complimentary in-flight wines... starts calling the flight attendant "a shining light"
　
3. Wanders around the cabin giving Australians the stink-eye
　
2. Plays game of "Angry Kiwis" on his phone
　
1. Relaxes in business class; reads over Toronto FC depth chart; weeps gently

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC delays at airport customs

"Anything to declare?"... "Yes, we're not very good."



When things go poorly for Toronto FC on the road, we often hear that "travel" has caught up with the team. It may seem like a handy excuse but any of us who have fought our way through airports know that it can be taxing at the best of times. With the added joy of getting to tour some of Central America's finest "Slightly" International Airports, The Reds can be given a little rope to excuse poor away form... but only a little. One of the most time consuming aspects of airport travel is waddling your way through customs. Nowadays, passing through this level of security can be akin to a Guantanamo-esque interrogation, which led us to wonder what happens when TFC meets up with border guards...
　
11. Bob de Klerk constantly warned that one more "air rage" outburst could get him deported
　
10. Always have to spend ages explaining to Canada Customs that they are a football team... which is a soccer team... which is like foot hockey
　
9. Team must declare Andy Iro as a dangerous weapon
　
8. Stefan Frei causes delay in line by always whispering to border guards if they know "which gate the next flight to Zurich leaves from"
　
7. Nick Soolsma always being detained when trying to smuggle his suitcase full of exotic international cheeses into country
　
6. Must produce documents showing Joao Plata's legal guardianship
　
5. Bags full of XXX Dutch DVD's always being confiscated
　
4. Have to explain how Rohan Ricketts ended up being a stowaway in the cargo hold
　
3. Ty Harden declared as an endangered species
　
2. Club always claims four years’ worth of baggage
　
1. When asked if he has anything to declare, Aron Winter replies "It is a pity"

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC complaints about air travel

All these screens and not one Jan de Bont film?



Few people who have to regularly travel by air for work claim that it is a pleasurable experience. Airport line-ups, cramped flights, security headaches and long delays are the norm for these weary airline commuters. For Toronto FC and their MLS brethren, fixture lists can sometimes mean criss-crossing the continent three or four times over a fortnight. This would be enough to test the most seasoned traveller’s patience and it will come to no surprise that The Reds have their share of Mile High Gripes...
　
11. Nana Attakora keeps getting left off flights because his "luggage wasn't performing well recently"
　
10. KLM doesn't fly between Columbus and Kansas City
　
9. Dan Gargan keeps letting people pass him in the aisles
　
8. Players forced to sit in 4-3-3 formation
　
7. Air Canada has a severe lack of Dutch cinema options on its in-flight entertainment system
　
6. Having to awkwardly pass Mo Johnston as he mops the floor at Pearson Airport's Terminal 1
　
5. Maicon Santos inevitably ends up doing the Lambada with the hottest flight attendant
　
4. Ty Harden and his mid-flight jazz-flute sessions
　
3. Every time Canada Customs asks Aron Winter if he has "anything to declare" he answers back "it is a pity"
　
2. Stefan Frei steals all of the mini Toblerones
　
1. Joao Plata keeps knocking from inside the overhead bin