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Monday, April 22, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Other Toronto FC last-minute disasters

Surprisingly low in electrolytes

In our more sober moments we can look at TFC 2013 and note the baby-steps towards semi-respectability. Unbeaten at home, not bleeding goals and definitely not the walk-over club of 12 months prior. That is of course when we aren't pulling out our hair and screaming "you mother#%*#^ sons of *#$^& of filthy *&%^$ ass &^%&**# and horse you *^&$#@! ignorant ^&$&()* Q-Bert playin' #%&^)! nincompoops blew another win in the last minute! %%@!" Yes those high-larious Reds are making an art of giving away 2 points late but this club has a history of terrible last-minute kerfuffles. Like that time...
11. Coaches told Stefan Frei "Don't worry - your job is safe"
10. The annual MLSE Board of Directors Holiday Party was ruined when that intern forgot to pick up the golden calf, panda bladders and virgins for the pagan sacrifice
9. They signed Mista instead of what was behind Curtain # 1
8. Preki trashed the dressing room after Jim Brennan switched his regular instant coffee for new Folgers Crystals
7. De Ro's cheque-signing charade was misunderstood when Raivis Hscanovics forgot to run up to him with the giant invisible "I HEART TFC" greeting card
6.  Andrea Lombardo's career was cut short when they forgot to inform him that TTC fares had gone up by 15 cents
5. Miguel Aceval was elected as "Post-Match Activities Director"
4. The hawk trainer chose "The Dichio Song" as Bitchy's "kill code"
3. Accountants cut Paul Mariner's wardrobe budget in half
2. Trainers forgot to tell Danny Koevermans that maple syrup isn't an energy drink
1. Mo Johnston waited 4 years and 364 days before getting to work on his 5 Year Plan

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