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Monday, April 8, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Side effects of Toronto FC's contract with Budweiser

Terry F*ckin' Dunfman

To poorly paraphrase Monty Python: "Drinking a beer at BMO Field is like sex in a canoe. It's f*cking close to water." Yes, the "King" of Beers (possibly the Larry King of beers at best) is now the official beer supplier at BMO Field and your taste buds couldn't be more morose. The American brewer/Czech brand name hustlers will now be pouring your overpriced suds in a contract that sees them plaster their name and their awful excuse for beer around the stadium. However, there may be more outcomes from this new deal with the hops devil...
11. Two Clydesdale horses on loan to TFC until July
10. Instead of usual journalistic descriptions for TFC's play, media can only now use the adjectives "pale", "weak" and "skunky"
9. Water fountains removed from BMO Field as the buzz from tap water deemed too competitive to Budweiser
8. It is the real reason that Frings left Toronto
7. Midsummer friendly vs. winner of the Bud Bowl
6. TFC warm-up gear replaced with hot 1980's Bud Girl bikinis
5. Shoving fries into your pint to improve the flavour now called a "Chip Buddy"
4. Bitchy the Hawk replaced with party dog Spuds MacKenzie
3. Terry Dunfield forced to legally change name to "DunfMan"
2. "The Dichio Song" banned - replaced with "Whaaaaa-suuuuuup?!"
1. Players "giving 5.0% effort" now considered good

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