LETTERS FROM CAMP: All quiet on the southern front

Eddie Johnson's a thing... right?



FLORIDULL
There's a strange feeling amongst TFC supporters that training camp is quiet... too quiet. So unaccustomed are we to a drama-free lead up to the season that some are getting worried. Why no more trialists? Why not enough friendlies? Why is no one threatening to leave the team? You can't blame Toronto fans - it's just all so new.
　
To fill the void (a little) TFC will play a scrimmage today against University of South Florida (Up The Bulls) in preparation for their upcoming participation in the Mickey Mouse Cup next week. Sadly no footage will be made available as Florida has somehow become more rural to TFC TV than Turkey was last year.
　
What's that you say? You still need more crumbs? Well you can always hold your breath for the Eddie Johnson MLS allocation process. One "lucky" team will get their hands on the American striker who didn't have the best European sojourn after ditching MLS. TFC has the fourth highest shot at landing Johnson and despite seemingly needing some Koevermans cover, don't appear to be interested.
　
Still bored? Come on - we're trying! For those of you out there who still harbour negative views or at worst apathy towards Julian de Guzman, the Toronto Sun's Kurt Larson catches up with the Scarborough native to find out where he's at. The sometimes unfairly maligned midfielder has some interesting thoughts about his time with TFC, the future of his contract and the tactical naivety of Preki.
　
APPLY WITHIN
Most TFC fans have heard about the club's "TFC Dream Job" competition by now. The Yorkies are of course endorsing applicant Maurice J. but couldn't help wonder what specific Twitter hashtags the club may have used if this competition had been available in the first four years of the club's existence...
　
#CarlosRuizLocator
#ButtyStacker
#BitchyWrangler
#RetweetWithRicketts
#CollinSamuelBuffetCleanUp
#DichioShaver
#JimmyBarista
#FirstWavePhoneOperator
#KevinHarmseRedCardCollector
#GabeGalaEgoMaintenace
#BarretBallCollection / #TopRowOnly
#TitusBiographer
#GerbaGirdler
#ImaginaryChequeCashier
#JPetersonNRAGodBlessAmericaFreedomFriesPickUpTruckAssociate
#HscnvcsVwlFndr
#TakeAPunchFromMaxim
#MaiconSantosMikeSandersTransformer
#FiveYearPlanner

#TFCDreamJob / #5YearPlan

Bio Pic: You can use either...



In their latest effort to win back some of the fans lost to years of mediocrity, Toronto FC is running a competition to win the "Toronto FC Dream Job". Fans are being welcomed to enter a bio online and garner votes in a bid to land a coveted role with the club. The winner will earn the chance to follow the team around for a year and do fun jobs which may or may not include finding where Collin Samuel hid all those Twinkies, renting Rutger Hauer movies for Bob de Klerk and sitting next to Ty Harden on the team bus. Sadly though, the competition may be over before it starts as this very attractive application has been uncovered...
　
#TFCDreamJob Application: Maurice J.
　
My name is Maurice J. (Mo to friends) and I want the #TFCDreamJob!
　
I’m perfect for the job since I know lots about soccer such as "mastering" the draft, how agents fill your roster in 2 easy steps and of course… 5-Year Plans.
　
I have lived around the world in places like Glasgow, then Nantes, then to the other side of Glasgow and make acquaintances wherever I go. People hardly ever throw things at me anymore!
　
If I get the #TFCDreamJob I will definitely have good relationships with the players. I think the best way to build a bond with a player is to make them a huge promise, wait for them to be your friend, then not talk to them again for 2 years!
　
I promise to work hard at keeping my job. I promise to show up when things are going well and stay well out of sight whenever a crisis arises. If things go bad, then I simply hire someone to do my old job while calling myself #TFCDreamJobDirector. But don’t worry – I won’t really let the new guy make any decisions of his own!
　
If this doesn’t work out…. Is there a #MLSAnyJob competition starting soon?
　
REFERENCES:
P. Radosavljevic – soccer personality/ angry Serb
B. MacLean – businessman / BFF
R. Hscanovics – former soccer player/ my butler