THE STARTING 11: Special features during Toronto FC's "Support The Troops Day"

Paul Mariner. Next Saturday.



If you are attending next Saturday's match versus New England at BMO Field you may notice fatigues. No, not the fatigue of supporting TFC but military fatigues as MLSE has designated the match as a "Support The Troops" day - a feature they have tried with their two other stellar professional clubs. Now it's up to you if you want to see this as a genuine thanks to the hard-working Canadian military - or as a cynical bathing of MLSE's brand, in order to deflect criticism, through the feigned wrapping of themselves in Canadian patriotism (see the Conservative Party of Canada) - your call. Either way, there will be a whole host of military personnel and their families on hand because... how better to celebrate Canadian Defences than by forcing them to watch a team that can't defend? As part of the day, there will be a few extra features to distract your fatigue(s)...
　
11. Promotional T-Shirt cannon... an actual cannon
　
10. Paul Mariner to dress as 19th Century British officer
　
9. TFC to be camouflaged... as a competitive team
　
8. Tom Anselmi's football credentials to remain A.W.O.L.
　
7. World War II veterans in attendance allowed to call Torsten Frings "that bloody Jerry!"
　
6. Adrian Cann to sing "In The Navy" at Halftime
　
5. Reds to honour The War of 1812 by losing 18-12
　
4. Supporters to aim 21-gun salute at MLSE corporate suite
　
3. Jim Brennan to dye soul patch khaki
　
2. In a salute to Canada's fine armoured divisions - TFC to tank
　
1. Ship Buttys
　

And... since Adrian Cann sounds a bit like Grover and the ownership are a bunch of muppets...

"1812" facts leading up to Canada vs. USA

Oh yeah, right in the Ohio

Not only does Sunday night's "Centennial Match" friendly versus our friends the United States of America (aka Canada's jaunty scarf) celebrate 100 Years of "greatness" under the CSA but it also takes place nearly 200 years after The War of 1812's "Battle of York". Okay so we'd like the result at BMO Field to go slightly better but seriously - not enough is being done to tie in the whole 1812 thing!

While we at The Yorkies always included "1812" as part of our moniker to lend some spirit to our usual muses Toronto FC, we thought it was time to help the malfunctioning national association with some "Battle of York" comparisons. So, since the nanny-state security at BMO Field won't let us bring in some muskets, here are some CSA 1812's to help celebrate that other anniversary.

After all, 1812 is:

- the number of swear-word combinations Canadian supporters have created to proceed the phrase "Teal Bunbury"

- the amount of times Bobby Lenarduzzi yelled "GET BACK!" during his tenure as head coach

- Canada's future FIFA ranking if the CSA is left to their own devices

- the total amount of syllables in Kenny Stamatopolous' full name

- the annual wage the CSA will offer its next coaching candidate

- the number of pies former striker Ali Gerba ate during the 2009 Gold Cup

- the amount of long-stem roses sent to David Hoilett by Stephen Hart. So far.

- the number of times you will smack your forehead with your hand while Canada attempts to qualify for the 2014 World Cup

- how many CSA officials it takes to screw in a lightbulb

- the decibel range at which you need to sing the following chant at BMO Field on Sunday night...

"Canada! Fuck yeah!

We're gonna beat the fuckin' USA, yeah!"

(Actual footage from "The Battle of York")