THE STARTING 11: TFC criminal investigations

TFC "Club Escobar" 3rd kits - get 'em while they're hot!



There was a fair share of hand-wringing in TFC land when the name Bradley Orr was linked with a move to the club. After all, Orr did serve actual jail time in 2006 for an "incident" outside of a Bristol nightclub. Possibly the Club Escobar of West England. But before us Eff Cee'ers get all high and mighty about a man's past mistakes, let's not forget that other Reds have had brushes with the legal system as well. While all but one of these escaped conviction, TFC is no stranger to the 5-0... (cops and scorelines)

11. Sexual harassment claim made by two seagulls against Bitchy the Hawk

10. Mista's three-and-a-half month long robbery

9. Raivis Hscanovics' attempt to illegally smuggle vowels out of Canada and on to the Latvian black market

8. Jacob Peterson's hate crime charges against TFC for exposing him to the Canadian National Anthem on a regular basis

7. Accusations against Justin Braun for impersonating a professional striker

6. Jim Brennan's haircuts (fashion crimes)

5. The Carlos Ruiz missing person report

4. Preki's 2nd-Degree scowling charge

3. Chad Barrett: Multiple shots fired into crowd

2. The time Ali Gerba murdered Nick Garcia's birthday cake

1. Mo Johnston: Assaulting a football club resulting in grievous harm

THE MATCHUP: Old England formation battles New England Revolution

Sorry Gold Coast, it had to be done. Mate.

TORONTO VS. NEW ENGLAND
　
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 5:30PM ET
TV: GOL TV ----RADIO: THE FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Perhaps this is the persona that TFC has been lacking for so long. Did the ridiculous arrests of Miguel Aceval, Nick Soolsma and Luis Silva inadvertently re-brand the club as "brawlers"? For a club that has had little in the way of personality lately - it could be worse. Despite the talent level letting them down against Houston on Wednesday evening, The Reds did show a lot of fight throughout the match and Paul Mariner's tactics seem to be aggressive and passionate. If TFC can show the same level of heart and battle for the remainder of the season they will at least win back some respect from fans and opponents. For Mariner, his tactical transformation continues but what better team to grab his first win against than the one where he cut his MLS coaching teeth?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Redcoat Rumble"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Julian de Guzman, Jeremy Hall, Danny Koevermans
NEW ENGLAND: Shalrie Joseph, Sainey Nyassi, Matt Reis
　
THE ODDS:
In a marketing twist MLSE may consider turning the recent bad press into their "street cred" favour by adjusting the club's nickname to:
- "The Crooks": 3-1
- "The Perps": 5-1
- Deportivo Escobar": 10-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
While some of the aftershocks of "The Escobar Three" arrests in Houston have died down, owners MLSE are still reeling from the bad press while trying to solve the PR crisis. The arrests were one of the darkest moments for the sports properties that live under the MLSE umbrella. Bad press like what was seen this week was only matched by the 1998 case of the Maple Leafs' Mike Foligno and Lou Franceschetti's counterfeit pasta ring; the busted cock fighting syndicate that was organized by the Raptors' Oliver Miller and Zan Tabak; and of course, the infamous arrest of corporate mascot Carlton The Bear after trashing his Royal York suite following a 3-day hookers and blow meltdown. Also - anything that Tom Anselmi has done.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "SADNESS AS NEW ENGLAND FALL TO ITALY ON PENALTY KICKS"
　
And... if you haven't pre-ordered already, steal some money for TFC's new alternate "Going Away" kit. Yorkie bigwig @ignirtoq (follow him on the Twitter why don't you?) was in his sweatshop all night doing these...

Get 'em while they're hot. In the street sense.

THE MATCHUP: Arrested development

"Dr. Tobias Funke... I'm Nick Soolsma's analrapist..."

HOUSTON VS. TORONTO
　
BBVA COMPASS STADIUM - WEDNESDAY 9PM ET
TV: TSN
　
THE KICKABOUT:
How much worse can it get? If the 1-10 record, manager merry-go-round and fourth five-year-plan wasn't enough for you - now TFC has a gang of vicious criminals in their midst. As most of you know by now, the criminal gang known as "The Escobar Three" (Miguel Aceval, Luis Silva and Nick Soolsma) are on the loose! Well... loose within the club thanks to Moneybags de Guzman bailing them out. What happens next to these evildoers is yet to be determined but will no doubt be accompanied by yet another "riveting" official statement from the club to put fans' minds at ease.
　
Now honestly, in the grand scheme of things, three drunken Reds is only the icing on football's crappiest cake. While the story has terrible optics, those would be lessened if TFC wasn't a giant mess in every other facet. How will the club respond on the pitch in Houston? Who knows? A united squad would overcome this and band together - but, TFC may well use it as yet another new excuse to pardon their play. Paul Mariner - welcome to your new Plymouth.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Shawshank Redemption"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
HOUSTON: Brad Davis, Oscar Boniek Garcia, Macoumba Kandji
TORONTO: Miguel Aceval, Luis Silva, Nick Soolsma
　
THE ODDS:
- Dynamo co-owner Oscar De La Hoya challenging Aceval, Silva and Soolsma to a halftime brawl: 10-1
- Toronto FC desperately trying to sign the Houston cop that outran Luis Silva: 20-1
- "The Escobar Three" released by the club due to behaviour - Frings and Koevermans immediately rob a Texas bank just to get out of their TFC contracts: 30-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
After TFC/MLSE's less than confident "official statement" over yesterday's crime wave, they will apparently try to soothe TFC supporters' anger with another inspired release later today with wording as such:

"We are aware of the fact that we have utterly destroyed what could have become one of the league's best clubs. We are presently constructing a new five-year-plan as we continue to investigate and obliterate all remaining interest in Toronto FC. As such, the team will not provide further comment until Tom Anselmi's next press conference regarding new manager Jim Brennan.

P.S: "Support the Troops!"
P.S.S. "OMG its Liverpool!!!"
P.S.S.S. Season tickets are going up by 15%

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "ARRESTED TFC PLAYERS RELEASED - TFC SUPPORTERS STUCK WITH LIFE SENTENCE"

And... major bonus points to anyone at BMO Field who sings part of this song on Saturday...

TFC solidify place as league's most embarrassing club

"Free The Escobar Three!" Or not. Whatever.



"Things can only get better right?" This was a common refrain a couple of weeks ago after the Aron Winter dismissal. It was the genuine belief of many Toronto FC supporters that the on-field disgrace that is TFC must surely be due for an upswing. Well, whether Paul Mariner can change the results are yet to be seen but in the meantime, a trio of your FC'ers did their best to embarrass anyone attached with the club even further.
　
Following a bar brawl at Houston's "Club Escobar" (seriously, the hint is in the name!), three Reds - Nick Soolsma, Miguel Aceval and Luis Silva were arrested for "public intoxication" and jailed. During the arrest one of the players even tried to run away - which obviously wasn't Aceval. There has been no official word yet from the club or the league about the legal and/or contract status of the players but being as this was in Texas, the crime is punishable by the electric chair.

　

In all seriousness, this is a black eye that this club does not need. The ridiculous ownership has created a laughing stock club which definitely didn't need any help from their own players becoming a public disgrace. In all judicial fairness - it is too early to judge the players... legally speaking. But, in the realm of public opinion and relations - the damage has been done. Once again at the end of the day it is poor TFC supporters who must once again hear the chuckles of derision from every other club in the league. If Danny Koevermans hasn't said this already... "the most embarrassing team in the world".

Luis Silva's mugshot... post-Texan prison look