THE STARTING 11: New TFC excuses

Coronal Mass Ejection! 1-0 Philadelphia.



If you listen to any Toronto FC home broadcasts or read any missive from official club releases you can be forgiven for thinking The Reds are the only MLS club to travel by plane or play in harsh weather. No matter who has been coaching, the make-up of the squad or the club's form, somehow six years of losses and awful performances (see here) are excused by "fatigue", "harsh conditions" and/or "a transition period". These are fine platitudes for broadcasters and journalists to trot out now and again but after more than half-a-decade, they are a bit played out. So, being our helpful selves, we offer up these new excuses for the rest of 2012's poor showings...

11. "Sudden Plata loss"

10. "Tightness in abs" (Adrian Cann only)

9. "ButtyGut"

8. "Bieber Fever"

7. "5-Year Planic attacks"

6. "Solar flares"

5. "Lathered. Rinsed. Forgot to repeat."

4. "The evils of gingivitis"

3. "The Summertime Blues" (There is no cure)

2. "Male-pattern badness"

1. "Rumoured losses pending official club announcement"

THE STARTING 11: 2009's worst TFC player excuses

If everything goes as expected in the next two weeks, Toronto FC players will be packing their bags and heading home for 2009 while many of their rivals prepare for the playoffs. What happened this season? There was such promise back in spring but it quickly slid into mediocrity - all that was left was a look ahead to 2010. Lots of reasons and excuses will be trotted out after the last game but we thought we'd get a jump on some of the more curious excuses...

11. "I was mesmerized by De Ro's ever-changing cornrow patterns"

10. "Feeling unnerved since 'Bitchy The Hawk' attacked Johann Smith"

9. "There were strange noises coming from the Food Building"

8. "Adrian Serioux scares us with his creepy 'Predator' impressions"

7. "South End supporters break our concentration with their loud chanting"

6. "The net is too small" (Chad Barrett only)

5. "Chris Cummins makes us watch the ending of 'Marley & Me' at halftime"

4. "Since Rohan Ricketts left, there's no one to Twitter with"

3. "John Carver took our favourite ball with him"

2. "Since Dichio retired, no one brings fresh cupcakes to practice"

1. "Half-price, day-old chip buttys are too hard to resist"