THE STARTING 11: Ways that Toronto FC spend the long weekend

From our family to yours...

Family Day. The ancient Mesopotamian holiday where Canadians (Some, not all. Suck it New Brunswick) are forced to choose a member of their family to give up for Lent. Or something along those lines. Either way... DAY OFF! Even though they may not work the human drudgery that is 9-to-5 living, professional footballers enjoy themselves a long weekend as well. Before getting back into full pre-season mode, members of TFC get to spend one more day doing whatever they like...

11. DWAYNE DE ROSARIO: Dramatically air-signing giant invisible "Happy Family Day" cards

10. DONEIL HENRY: Getting ready for the season by inviting angry Scottish people to come over and tell him where to stand in raised voices

9. BITCHY THE HAWK: Spending a quiet day at home with husband "Bastard the Eagle"

8. EMERY WELSHMAN: Finishing the book "101 Things to Do in Wilmington"

7. MICHAEL BRADLEY: Lather, Shave, Rinse, Repeat

6. JOE BENDIK: Working on his "I'm super cool with Julio Cesar being here" smile. Failing.

5. JERMAIN DEFOE: Going through box 8/207 of Toronto-area WAG applications for the month of April

4. REGGIE LAMBE: Desperately trying to convince Drake that he really does play for TFC

3. BRADLEY ORR: Getting to know the City of Toronto. Headbutting local landmarks.

2. MATIAS LABA: Spending it on loan. CORRECTION: Spending it alone

1. TIM LEIWEKE: Crank-calling the Philadelphia Union GM, telling him that "my weekend is way longer than yours". Hanging up in fit of giggles.



THE STARTING 11: Memorable Toronto FC Simcoe Days

"You're welcome Upper Canada"

Ah, the long weekend. The holiday Monday is known across Canada by a flurry of different names such as Heritage Day, Saskatchewan Day and possibly Yukonpalooza but of course the only real name is Ontario's Simcoe Day. Today is the day that Upper Canada honours John Graves Simcoe who drove the snakes out of Pickering sometime in the mid-1970's. History! Of course, since Toronto FC was formed in 2007, the holiday Monday has also marked some memorable moments for the club, its players and its supporters...

　

11. TTC holiday service on the Dufferin 29 bus route robbed Andrea Lombardo of a starting spot vs. Colorado Rapids

　

10. Bitchy the Hawk and the infamous BMO Field Squirrel went on their single ill-fated blind date (RIP BMO Field Squirrel 2008 - 2010)

　

9. Just another Canadian holiday where the favoured Vancouver Whitecaps failed to beat Toronto FC in a cup match

　

8. In 2010, Mista broke the Major League Soccer record for longest consecutive nap

　

7. Suarez Soolsma evaded neutering for the fifth straight year

　

6. Collin Samuel founded his annual* hot dog eating competition for charity** (* "Annual" denotes Mondays) (** "Charity" denotes Collin Samuel's lunch)

　

5. Carlos Ruiz completed Week 2 of his 5 Week journey to Toronto

　

4. Last year, Paul Mariner barely avoided an international incident when Toronto airport customs official tells him "he is not welcome into this country until he puts some damn pants on"

　

3. Every year on this date, a groundhog pops up from under BMO Field's grass, sees its shadow, then proclaims that there will be "no playoffs for another season"

　

2. Jacob Peterson bought full page ads in all Toronto newspapers declaring that there was no proof that Canada was "actually a thing" and that "The War of 1812 was a draw"

　

1. It's the 2nd Anniversary of our 3rd 5-Year Plan!



THE STARTING 11: TFC TV Holiday Specials

The Netherlands' # 1 feline holiday celebrity - Suarez Soolsma

One of the great things about the Holiday Season is the nightly treat of festive television specials. From claymation to variety specials and all things puppet-related in-between, December is a cornucopia of sugary TV treats. Now that our dear playoff-phobic elves Toronto FC are 75% owned by broadcast giants, it is inevitable that in the name of "content", The Reds will join this Yuletide tradition. With Sportsnets, GolTV's and TSNesses to be stuffed like stockings; TFC will be expected to put out their share of quality family holiday entertainment...

　
11. The Ontario Teachers' Pension Fund presents: "Scrooge" - a BellGlobe Media / Rogers Communications Co-Production
　
10. "Deck the Jeremy Hall"
　
9. "Bob de Klerk'sh Shexshy Amshterdam Krishtmash"
　
8. "Collin Samuel Eats Your Turkey"
　
7. Dwayne De Rosario's "I'll be Home... then in New York... then in D.C. for Christmas"
　
6. "Adrian Cann's Really, Really, Good-Looking Seasonal Soiree"
　
5. "Miracle on 34 Points"
　
4. "The Nutcracker: Mikael Yourassowsky Slide Tackles Santa"
　
3. "Elf - Joao Plata's Christmas in Quito"
　
2. "The Jacob Peterson All-American Freedom Xenophobic X-mas Jamboree" brought to you by Ford F-150, the National Rifle Association and Our Lord - The Baby Jesus Christ
　
1. "St. Nick Soolsma's Meowy Christmas for Cats"