The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report
Showing posts with label MLS Players Union. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MLS Players Union. Show all posts

Monday, August 12, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Other ways Toronto FC player's salaries could be spent

Put some Wellie on it!

Late last week, the MLS Player's Union (which shockingly doesn't include the three construction workers on Columbus' badge) released the latest salary list for their members. When these numbers come out it is always fodder for supporters to argue who is a bargain and who is a burden on their club's strict cap. It's not all about the digits though, in these tough economic times you have to consider just what purchasing power comes with your moneyz... (Figures in base salary. Tune currently in my head by Rob Base)


11. KYLE BEKKER ($46,500) or... 6200 one-way GO Train tickets between Exhibition and Oakville Stations

10. GALE AGBOSSOUMONDE ($46,500) or... buy the letters of his last name at a bargain price of $3576 per character

9. STEFAN FREI ($145,000) or... 14,480 cans of graffiti-quality spray paint and 1 map to Kevin Payne's house

8. MARK BLOOM ($46,500) or... 92,354 "Hi My Name Is: MARK BLOOM" stickers
 
7. JUSTIN BRAUN ($112,000) or... 561 decent brand-name portable GPS devices to help him figure out where the goal is

6. MICHAEL THOMAS ($57,750) or... make his dreams come true by paying the appearance fee of Miami Vice star Philip Michael Thomas and have him show up at practice

5. JOE BENDIK ($46,500) or... 13,323 jars of Bick's Pickles and 1 plastic fork

4. DANNY KOEVERMANS ($1,250,000) or... a 24K solid-gold knee brace, a $500 gift card to International House of Pancakes and 38,590 "Bon Voyage" cards
 
3. JEREMY BROCKIE ($175, 200) or... 4 First Class airline tickets from Toronto to Wellington, 360 pairs of high-end Wellington boots and an 8x10 autographed picture of Flight of the Conchords

2. REGGIE LAMBE ($67,500) or... a one-time pay-off to Reggie Lambe in return for the explicit videos of MLSE Board members that he must own in order to explain how he still has a starting role at Toronto FC

1. MATIAS LABA ($200,000) or... 1 flashlight and 23,529 boxes of bread crumbs to make a trail between Toronto and Buenos Aires so that he can escape back home in the middle of the night

 
"Joy.. and Payne"  


Monday, May 6, 2013

The Price is Red

We really could have used a 10...

When the annual salary report is released by the MLS Players Union it leads to all kinds of financial naval gazing among the clubs' supporters. Who is money well spent? (Cough, Bendik. Cough, Boss. Cough, Osorio) Who isn't worth their inflated salary? (Outcasts of the English Championship. Splatter.)
 
You will find all types of analysis in the near future regarding the market value of players, defender to midfielder algebra and a player's ability to make the moneyz rain. The closest we here at this site come to financial advisers is wearing "BMO" on our replica kits so instead we offer an alternative view on the value of the current squad. A simple look at what you could buy for the price of one of your Tee Eff Cee's guaranteed salary.
 
Whether you would keep the player over say... what is behind Door # 2 is up to you...
 
GALE AGBOSSOUMONDE - $53,166.67 or... 224 vowels on "Wheel of Fortune"
KYLE BEKKER - $67,750 or... 4234 new Presto transit cards
JOE BENDIK - $46,500 or... 4.3 Stefan Frei's
ASHTON BENNETT - $46,500 or... 5412 Chicken Roti dinners
JOHN BOSTOCK - $99.996 or... 208 sets of replica kits from his former clubs
JUSTIN BRAUN - $114,700 or... 1274 replica John Stockton jerseys
DANNY CALIFF - $165,000 or... 1100 hours with a tattoo artist
TERRY DUNFIELD - $120,000 or... 8571 sets of sock tassels
ROBERT EARNSHAW - $155,150 or... 5172 adopted whales a year
RICHARD ECKERSLEY - $310,000 or... 31000 bottles of SPF 60 suntan lotion
LOGAN EMORY - $48,400 or... 5377 autographed photos of Dustin "Screech" Diamond
HOGAN EPHRAIM - $180,000 or... 2250 seats to QPR's final Premier League match
STEFAN FREI - $200,000 or... 8333 protective face masks
JEREMY HALL - $90,000 or... 4500 "Best of Arsenio Hall" DVD's
DONEIL HENRY - $62,083 or... 41389 "Oh Henry!" bars
DANNY KOEVERMANS - $1,663,323 or... 43,772 "The Settlers of Catan" games
MATIAS LABA - $200,000 or... 114, 285 stamps for regretful letters back to family in Argentina
REGGIE LAMBE - $70,000 or... 389 (95lb -109lb) live lambs
ASHTONE MORGAN - $72,000 or... 5161 bottles of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
TAYLOR MORGAN - $35,125 or... 2517 bottles of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
DARREN O'DEA - $456,250 or... 58,870 pints of Guinness to drown post-match sorrows
JONATHAN OSORIO - $46,500 or... 203 nights in the Montevideo, Uruguay Radisson Hotel
RYAN RICHTER - $46,500 or... 924 scales
QUILLAN ROBERTS - $46,500 or... 193 pairs of tickets for "Avenue Q" on Broadway
DAREL RUSSELL - $109,874 or... $21,974 for each of Darel's names in his full name
LUIS SILVA - $105,400 or... 10,450 cover charges at Club Escobar
EMERY WELSHMAN - $46,500 or... 2906 new Presto transit cards
ANDREW WIEDEMAN - $65,000 or... 2167 "New Era" baseball caps