The South Stand Report - Toronto v. River Plate... or... The Battle Of Who Could Care Less

I initially thought "Awesome self, I'm not going to write a report for this one..." but I reneged because I had a damn good reason to be excited.

Gerba and O'Brien.

Oh sure, one looks like Jesus and Superman wrapped up in a Canada kit and the other one is the wonderkid that we wondered if we'd ever see.

The Carlsburg Cup is a bullsh** marketing ploy to make a sponsor happy a much anticipated fixture on the TFC calendar.

Onto the match:

12th minute - Boca Supporters show up in 113.

14 - As if it were chemistry class, we discover how to co-exist with their fervent rhythms and our played out songs. To this, the old idiom rings true...

The enemy of my enemy is my friend

Then we have the quote of the match when trying to determine who and where Gomez came from.

Ro: Who's the guy we got from San Jose?
Me: Oh, the defender with the generic Spanish name.
Ro: Yeah... Lopez.
Me: Just because it's Spanish and generic, doesn't mean you get to guess which generic Spanish name it is.
(a few seconds elapse)
Both: ¡Garcia!

28 - Gerba does this crazy leaping trailing foot in an attempt to score the goal of the century off of a DeRo cross and just misses it.

37 - Ro tells me to look up Getafe's new kit

Oh. My. Lord.

41 - Vitti beats and fights his way through to get a cross in. Robinson heads down and the River keeper makes an incredible diving glove save.

42 - YELLOW - Gala with a deserved booking on a mistimed challenge.

44 - Gerba with a great shot. Keeper with an even greater save.

HALF-TIME : Just fearless.

46 - SUB - (follow along here) Dichio, White, Attakora, Barrett and Garcia on for DeRo, Gerba, Brennan, Wynne and someone else.

That was the least confusing one.

53 - Barrett takes a free kick and gets it on target. Felt the need to mention that.

54 - Cross, Dichio header, Robinson just misses with his own header and a dangerous boot to his skull

58 - Velez with a beautiful cross has Gala putting the ball just over the bar.

61 - SUB - Brennan, DeRo on, Robinson, Guevara off. This isn't a typo, I swear it happened.

76 - SUB - Wynne for Brennan, Vitti for DeRo. It's just that stupid.

81 - SUB - Gerba for Attakora.

84 - Vitti turned TWO defenders inside out with ONE TOUCH. So pretty.

90 - Gerba chips one defender, chips a second but that lands in the hands of the keeper.

To the other MLS clubs (you too Philly so pay attention, I don't care if you're new): You are all on notice. We have Gerba and we're not afraid to use him.

So in the Useless Cup V (Villa, Benefica, Independiente and Pachuca before this), after 90 mins we go to penalties.

So here's the chart:

RP - GOAL
TFC - GOAL (Gerba)
RP - GOAL
TFC - MISS (Dichio)
RP - MISS
TFC - MISS (Vitti)
RP - MISS
TFC - GOAL (The Chad)
RP - GOAL
TFC - GOAL (Lopez... erm, Garcia)
RP - GOAL
TFC - MISS (Velez)

And TFC lose on penalties 3-2. Toronto were the better side.

Man of the Match : Vitti

Goat : To say Gomez wouldn't be fair as he had a few rough misses early, but recouped well. So nobody was outstandingly bad.

Ref rating : 4 out of 5. Few missed calls, but didn't screw up any calls that he did make. Good job.

Notes : Dear Mr. Cummins,

We are not relatives of Gabriel Gala, nor do we have a vested interest in him other than supporters.

This kid needs a few more appearances off the bench. He has heart, determination and with better service, I'm sure he could produce.

He is my favourite kind of apple. He should be yours too.

Warmest regards,

The Yorkies.

Carlsberg Cup Parade Cancelled - City In Mourning

Toronto FC fans are crying themselves to sleep tonight as the club has lost one of the most prestigious trophies in football - The Carlsberg Cup. Rated as one of the world's Top 100 Meaningless Beer-Related Football Promotional Trophies, the "CC" is highly sought after. The Reds lost out to Argentine so-and-so's River Plate who will surely dismiss all of those pathetic Argentine Championships they own, now that they've captured the mighty CC!

The match, which saw absolutely nothing happen at BMO Field for 90 minutes, was decided on penalty kicks with Toronto losing 4-3. The Reds' penalty takers did manage to put a couple of balls into Lake Ontario though, so not all was lost. Supporters who previously believed Danny Dichio could walk on water must be questioning their place in the universe as the Patron Saint of Balding/Soulful House Music, was one of TFC's less than stellar kickers. That's two years running now that teams have come in and stolen what is rightfully ours. Don't they realize how much Carlsberg we drink at BMO? For the love of Andy Welsh -give us the fake trophy - we only have one other!

If you have managed to wade through that Samuel-load of sarcasm but still want a proper match recap - sorry. Mid-season friendlies are the bastard child of football schedules. If you are really concerned about what happened on the pitch tonight - seek medical help. Ok, one hint for your kind patronage - nothing. The only interesting tidbit was when the PA announcer declared that Pablo Vitti was Man Of The Match (!!!) - he went on to thank Vitti for his hard work and service while with TFC. I don't know about you, but that sure sounds like a sentence that continues with "...your locker needs to be cleared out in 20 minutes, there's a flight to Buenos Aires at 9." Maybe not, but hey - stranger things happen, who could imagine River Plate would be 2009 Carlsberg Cup Champions? Argentina must be partying tonight.

Strike While The Plate Is Hot

Friendly matches. They are a bit like marriage. Men pretending to be interested, very little contact and any scoring usually happens by accident. Now and again, the friendly offers up something new and interesting that makes it worthwhile - kind of like when the wife has too much to drink.

Wednesday evening Toronto FC host those wacky Argentines - River Plate, in this year's Carlsberg Cup. Ah, the Carlsberg Cup - up there with the great awards like the FA Cup and the Jules Rimet Trophy - but we digress. The Reds are indeed offering up something new to their supporters. What the BMO Field faithful will get to see is a glimpse of TFC's striking (as in goal scoring not handsome) future. Not one but two new forwards will take part in the otherwise meaningless match. Strikers eh? Just like the bus. You wait for ages for your stubborn Scottish Director of Football to drive up in one - then two come along!

Indeed, Ali Gerba will make his on-field debut with TFC fresh off his strong showing at the Gold Cup with Canada and a solid 08/09 campaign with MK Dons. The very strong Cameroon-born tank will be a welcome crash-and-bang style forward in the style of Danny Dichio except able to move sideways. Gerba is a known quantity and will surely bulge the onion bag on a regular basis.

The other debut is the unknown quantity. O'Brian White, the newest member of TFC's "Scarborough Massive" is the club's top draft pick this year and comes out of the NCAA with all of college's highest football honours. He was scoring goals at a great clip and was headed towards being the 1st overall pick when he suffered a bad ACL injury. His hometown club could not resist his potential though and drafted the injured forward, immediately putting him to work with TFC's top-notch training team. The rehab is ending and the local boy is ready for the big-time.

Fans will need patience with White but he and Gerba may very well be this team's strike force for the foreseeable future. Now the questions can begin about the existing strikers. Player of the Week award aside, Chad Barrett is no better than an off-the-bench sub. His scoring ratio is simply not good enough but he comes cheap and is locked up long term. Pablo Vitti's time is simply running out. His hustle and raw talent are admirable but the numbers aren't there. Few goals and a hefty (MLS-hefty at least) wage makes the Hairy Hitman a target for the pink slip. Mo Johnston is surely thinking of sneaking him onto River Plate's plane home like a sleepy B.A. Baracus on The A-Team. Finally, the bald Messiah himself. Danny Dichio is due to hang up the boots after this season and ride off into the sunset - at least as far as Etobicoke. His future off the field with TFC seems assured - possibly team barber/ DJ.

So, on an otherwise forgettable Wednesday night by the lake, Reds' supporters may finally be getting a glimpse of the strike force they so desperately want and need. Let's just hope they are as good as former wrestling tag-team "Strike Force". In the words of Tito Santana and River Plate - "Ariba!!!"