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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Media is the message

"Happy" to answer all of your questions...

Lights! Camera! Naptime!
Perhaps it is a sign of a more mature club with bigger things on its mind than promo (surely not, MLSE!) but today's TFC Get Along Gang session with the media was little on news and high on meh. But that's fine. We've had it up the ying-yang in years past where the media day was one of the season's highlights. A vast majority of TFC supporters welcome their news on the pitch in 2014 rather than off.

A few "highlights" from the talking heads today. Not the band. That would have been awesome...

- Before the proceedings got underway, news travelled north from Brazil where Brazilian national coach Felipe Scolari "confirmed" that Julio Cesar would indeed be joining your Eff Cee's on loan. Former TFC fatty boom-boom Collin Samuel was heard muttering "... shit just got real"
- Joe Bendik showed a bit of frustration over the unofficial signing but reiterated his will to hone his craft under the experienced international Cesar. He also looked a bit like Mortal Kombat's "Sub Zero" in his flashy new keeper's kit. Finish him.
- Steven Caldwell believes that TFC look to be one of the best clubs in MLS.
- The Scottish also believe that a deep-fried cheeseburger is best washed down with Irn-Bru
- Kyle Bekker says "nothing less than the playoffs" acceptable this year. No word if that meant the Wilmington Hammerheads making the playoffs
- Chris Konopka is a big dude. Like mountain man big.
- 3 out of 4 dentists agree: TFC should give it 110% every match
- On closer inspection, the new goalkeeper kits are double blue. Hmm... Double blue - where have we seen that before... whaaaaaaaaa???!!!
- Doneil Henry looks like he's hit the gym this year. Plans to look like a fit giraffe running with the ball going swimmingly. Then he said some silly stuff about "liking" Rob Ford so next season maybe read a newspaper in the off-season kid.
- Good to hear that it will still be a "game of two halves" this year and there will still be the odd "good match for the neutrals"
- After a day of Julio Cesar talk, Ryan Nelsen won't confirm the signing but adds "it would be nice"
- New Zealanders also thought the song "How Bizarre" was nice.
- The head coach says that nothing has yet been decided on the status of Matias Laba nor who will be loaned down to Wilmington this year. Emery Welshman reportedly heard to say "Can we just get this over with?"
- Tim Bezbatchenko dropped some mad phat nerd rhymez such as "We're very comfortable where we are in relation to other teams right now" and "we're trying to treat our players a little different than in the past". Anselmi... you got served.
- The team plans a revolutionary tactic where "everyone plays for the badge"
- Tim Leiweke was reportedly busy photocopying his ass and faxing copies to the Philadelphia Union front office.

And... Since it was a quiet day at the microphone factory, here are 8 questions for our 8th season that frustratingly went unanswered today...

- Is Reggie Lambe an actual thing or is this a Just For Laughs Gag gone horribly wrong?
- How is the team reacting to reports that spitting full mouths of scolding tea is the latest craze on Toronto middle school playgrounds since the emergence of the Jermain Defoe commercials? Did they not think of the children?
- Is Pinball Clemons on trial with the club?
- Is it true that the fifth Olympic ring didn't open at the Sochi opening ceremonies because ex-TFC defender Maxim Usanov had punched it before the show?
- Who does Bradley Orr plan to headbutt first?
- Do you guys crank call Kevin Payne and ask if his fridge is running?
- Is Toronto ready for this jelly?

1 comment:

  1. I have both an Irn Bru and deep fried cheeseburger craving.

    On a related note, the readership should know that Scottish cuisine is ranked at the "dare" by the International Society of the Gastronomical Traveler.