Smooth all over! TFC opts for the Brazilian # 1

Happy dance!

 

Seven years is long for any relationship. It feels even longer when it’s filled with turmoil and strife. But then you wake up on this most romantic of days, pull back the sheets and realize you got a surprise. Your love got a Brazilian for you!

That's right you little maniacs, TFC went to Uncle Harry's Erotic Goalkeeper shop in West London and rented themselves a fancy new goalkeeper in the form of Brazilian # 1 Julio Cesar. As reported... well everywhere... last week, the 34-year old Cesar joins The Reds on loan from Queens Park Rangers. But this is where it got extra smooth.

The widely held opinion was that his loan period would last until the World Cup. Notsofast. During today's press conference it was announced that Cesar will actually spend the entire MLS season on loan here (we assume barring QPR selling him in the summer). Keg Size Cesar!

Last season's TFC # 1 Joe Bendik is saying all the right things about learning under a world-class keeper and here's hoping his communication and distribution trick bags are complimented by a season under Cesar's reign. A long-term, post-2014 contract for Cesar and TFC may not be on the horizon but either way this deal puts the exclamation mark on the off-season of bloody big deals.

 

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Media is the message

"Happy" to answer all of your questions...

Lights! Camera! Naptime!

 

Perhaps it is a sign of a more mature club with bigger things on its mind than promo (surely not, MLSE!) but today's TFC Get Along Gang session with the media was little on news and high on meh. But that's fine. We've had it up the ying-yang in years past where the media day was one of the season's highlights. A vast majority of TFC supporters welcome their news on the pitch in 2014 rather than off.

A few "highlights" from the talking heads today. Not the band. That would have been awesome...

- Before the proceedings got underway, news travelled north from Brazil where Brazilian national coach Felipe Scolari "confirmed" that Julio Cesar would indeed be joining your Eff Cee's on loan. Former TFC fatty boom-boom Collin Samuel was heard muttering "... shit just got real"

- Joe Bendik showed a bit of frustration over the unofficial signing but reiterated his will to hone his craft under the experienced international Cesar. He also looked a bit like Mortal Kombat's "Sub Zero" in his flashy new keeper's kit. Finish him.

- Steven Caldwell believes that TFC look to be one of the best clubs in MLS.

- The Scottish also believe that a deep-fried cheeseburger is best washed down with Irn-Bru

- Kyle Bekker says "nothing less than the playoffs" acceptable this year. No word if that meant the Wilmington Hammerheads making the playoffs

- Chris Konopka is a big dude. Like mountain man big.

- 3 out of 4 dentists agree: TFC should give it 110% every match

- On closer inspection, the new goalkeeper kits are double blue. Hmm... Double blue - where have we seen that before... whaaaaaaaaa???!!!

- Doneil Henry looks like he's hit the gym this year. Plans to look like a fit giraffe running with the ball going swimmingly. Then he said some silly stuff about "liking" Rob Ford so next season maybe read a newspaper in the off-season kid.

- Good to hear that it will still be a "game of two halves" this year and there will still be the odd "good match for the neutrals"

- After a day of Julio Cesar talk, Ryan Nelsen won't confirm the signing but adds "it would be nice"

- New Zealanders also thought the song "How Bizarre" was nice.

- The head coach says that nothing has yet been decided on the status of Matias Laba nor who will be loaned down to Wilmington this year. Emery Welshman reportedly heard to say "Can we just get this over with?"

- Tim Bezbatchenko dropped some mad phat nerd rhymez such as "We're very comfortable where we are in relation to other teams right now" and "we're trying to treat our players a little different than in the past". Anselmi... you got served.

- The team plans a revolutionary tactic where "everyone plays for the badge"

- Tim Leiweke was reportedly busy photocopying his ass and faxing copies to the Philadelphia Union front office.

And... Since it was a quiet day at the microphone factory, here are 8 questions for our 8th season that frustratingly went unanswered today...

- Is Reggie Lambe an actual thing or is this a Just For Laughs Gag gone horribly wrong?

- How is the team reacting to reports that spitting full mouths of scolding tea is the latest craze on Toronto middle school playgrounds since the emergence of the Jermain Defoe commercials? Did they not think of the children?

- Is Pinball Clemons on trial with the club?

- Is it true that the fifth Olympic ring didn't open at the Sochi opening ceremonies because ex-TFC defender Maxim Usanov had punched it before the show?

- RANDOM STUPID HOCKEY ANALOGY BECAUSE THIS IS THE CANADA?

- Who does Bradley Orr plan to headbutt first?

- Do you guys crank call Kevin Payne and ask if his fridge is running?

- Is Toronto ready for this jelly?



THE WORD: TFC to hail Cesar

"Oh hey there big boy..."

There was a classic LeiwekeLeaks moment yesterday when MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke told a private audience (some of whom had heard of Twitter and shockingly had phones) that TFC was looking at bringing in a "top 10" goalkeeper on loan. Best guesses at the likes of a Jack Butland etc. were met with a big "meh" by supporters. This morning that changed.
　
Reports on both sides of the Atlantic and even in that weird South Atlantic (what gives South Atlantic?) is that Brazilian # 1 keeper and current property of Queens Park Rangers, Julio Cesar, is headed to TFC on loan. On the surface, the reported deal is a short-term loan which would give the 34-year old Cesar a chance to get some match fitness before the World Cup - something not available to him at QPR right now. Anything beyond that would have to come down to some MLS salary funky bizniss.
　
There is a wee bit of hand-wringing in TFC circles that this move could upset the goalkeeping applecart at the club. With Stefan Frei jettisoned to Seattle, seemingly in favour of Joe Bendik, could the incumbent’s nose be put out of joint if he doesn't get to start until July? Possibly, but make no mistake, Julio Cesar is a major upgrade over Bendik who has a lot of learning to do before being considered anywhere near a top MLS keeper. A chance to train under an international with long stints at Flamengo and Inter Milan under his belt should be seen as a blessing. Et tu Bendik?
　
With Ryan Nelsen's QPR connection and TFC's sudden influence in London, this deal could be announced very soon. Whether Cesar's reign in Toronto is long or short, it definitely adds another interesting story to an already dramatic 2014. Will he come, see and conquer? Time will tell but it could be a lot of fun.
　

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Elmer packs a trunk
TFC's virulent Anti-Swiss campaign continued today as the club announced it had cruelly cut ties with superstar defender Jonas Elmer. Supporters were outraged at the news that sees a club legend dispatched so unceremoniously. How the club possibly attempts to fill the valuable minutes Elmer brought to the backline is anyone's guess.
　
Switzerland has three official languages:
Satire: satire (French) / satire (German) / satira (Italian)

Julio Cesar released, wall of honour announcement forthcoming

Find me a pic of him in a red kit and I'll swap it... better yet don't.

Well, in what can only be assumed that it was a move prompted by taking advantage of the vacuum of a slow news day, Toronto FC as released Julio Cesar.

Allow us to start the rumour that he was just tired of being confused for all of the other Julio Cesars that are out there, but the greater liklihood was to free up an international slot in the squad.  At 34 years of age, there isn't much long term upswing for him.  More will likely follow, but at least it wasn't for getting arrested for public intoxication or making a cheque signing gesture, so there's a plus.

There would have been a "video" of his playing days as a Robin, but realizing that he hasn't played a minute, finding an image of him sitting on the bench is tough enough.

Nevertheless, we will remember him fondly...

TFC to sign Julio Cesar! No not that one. (Now with 70% more delicious confirmation!)

Somebody needs a cuddle.

It's the beginning of the week and that means Toronto FC needs to make some news! A week after their controversial appointment of Ryan Nelsen as manager, the club are reportedly set to add a veteran presence in Julio Cesar. Now hold up Stefan Frei supporters - it's not Nelsen's teammate, the QPR goalkeeper, but Brazilian journeyman defender/midfielder Julio Cesar Santos Correa. And when we say journeyman - we mean jouuuuuuuuuuurneyman.

The 34-year old, most recently of Sporting Kansas City is a player with bags of experience and enough Air Miles to buy a quality bungalow. Since 1995, Cesar has played on an astonishing 15 clubs including Real Madrid, Benfica, Olympiacos, Valladolid (twice), Tigres and erm... Bolton Wanderers. Well into the twilight of his career, this is a depth signing at best and likely a "Break Glass In Event of Torsten Frings' Knee" measure. But hey, we've all been crowing about depth right?

Very little to get upset or excited about over this deal as it is safe to believe that Kevin Payne signed him at a wage befitting age. Sweet rhymes! A bit of cover and a bit of experience off the bench. The only thing left to measure is how Brazilian he actually is. TFC's last Brazilian, Maicon Santos, was so non-samba that we re-dubbed him "Mike Sanders". If Julio Cesar doesn't do some step-overs and/or 360's quickly, there is a "Jules Seaver" waiting for him. "Jules Seaver St. Clair" if you want the full Brazilian. And who doesn't enjoy the full Brazilian?

Official word will be linked below the other Julio Cesar laughing at our inferior Julio Cesar's use of his name.

 

Stop laughing now, more-famous Julio Cesar, we have official confirmation from TFC... here !