THE MATCHUP: The "Other" Cup Final*

Trillium cup. Trillium saucer also pictured.

 

(*Not in any way a Cup Final) 

 

TORONTO VS. COLUMBUS
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 5PM ET
TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Well our fair manager claims that this match is a cup final akin to the NutCan vs. Montreal. So there.
- Just to be clear it's really not.
- If TFC win the Trillium Cup, will the Daily Mail proclaim Jermain Defoe as "cup winning World Cup omission"?
- Can this be Gilberto's big day? Stop laughing.
- How will Columbus handle Higuain's absence?
- How will Toronto handle Caldwell's absence?
- Has Columbus Crew cleaned Crew Cat's kibble out of the cup?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The New Soft"

THE DUEL:
Gilberto vs. Jaio Arrieta

WHO ARE YA?
While it was easy to mock Ryan Nelsen's assertions that a Trillium Cup final and a Canadian Championship final are of the same stature, it turns out the Kiwi wasn't as far off as we thought.

Breakaway football organization FIFFA (Federation International Floral Football Associations) has just announced that the Trillium Cup winner will now be eligible for their international tournament - The Floral World Cup.

Held annually in a billionaire's botanical garden, the Cup will see either Columbus or Toronto test their skills against other winners of football/floral competitions including the winners of Switzerland's "Edelweiss Pokal", Moldova's "Weed Growing Out of Concrete Cup" and Colombia's "Copa Del Perfectly Legal Cash Crop".

VOCAL MINORITY PODCAST: #Juliaoooooo
Do you find yourself saying "I like reading almost-football based words but boy do I wish I could stick them in my earholes"? Well now you can!

In this week's episode, Kristin is brow-beaten into giving Bradley Orr his manly due, Tony finds it's not easy bein' cheesy, Duncan has a spoiler about Saturday's halftime show all while Mark is away at the USA camp and ruining Landon Donovan's dreams.

Just click on the "Vocal Minority Podcast" icon on the right side of this site and set your ears to stun! FAGUNDEZ!

While you're clicking you should really read our partners in pod Waking The Red. They like to write actual real, quality TFC stuff. Weird. They are linked in our Links section on the right. Where else would they be?

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto V Montreal... or The Grandaddy of Them All (part 1 of 2)

The Voyageurs Cup. It is the stuff of boyhood dreams and legends.  107 clubs competed in this year's competition,  and now we're down to two.

Who can forget King of Donair Halifax being upset by the minnows of Dartmouth Harbour.   Or the Quebec City derby in the 3rd round between Ouest Quebec and FC Quebec.  The come-from-behind salvaging of FC Edmonton over New Westminister Eagles.  Heady stuff.

Until that fairytale comes true, our 5 club cup will suffice quite nicely.

Montreal qualified by some Toledo-esque bullshit that if it were hockey, a federal inquest would have been ordered.  Poor Edmonton and Colin Miller.  Toronto did the likely and knocked out the Vancouver U-17s in penalties.  They don't all have to be pretty to count. 

Onto the match:

20' - GOAL - corner floated into the gliding noggin of Doneil Henry, who buries it under thr bar
ROBINS 1, FROMAGE 0

29' - Morgan is really running the right back position showing off his speed and tenacity.  Really giving Mapp a bit of a headache so far.

31' - Toronto may have gotten away with one as a low rocket hit Caldwell in the arm on the edge of the box to no call.

33' - YELLOW - Rey for two handing someone in he chest 

41' - DeRo floats a ball across the face of goal and just misses a lunging Gilberto

Half Time Mood : underwhelmed but, hey, winning! 

57' - DeRo has a ball squared to him and fires hitting the top left crossbar.  Nearly legendary. 

69' - Wow.  Ok, DeRo tries to chip the keeper and hits the crossbar.  So close.  The ball finds Gilberto whose bicycle kick lands safely in the hands of the keeper #TakeAShot

73' - GOAL - Mapp given way too much space to run into the top of the box and has a go, burying it past a standing Bendik.
ROBINS 1, FROMAGE 1

76' - SUB - Hall comes off for Bekker

79' - SUB - Rey makes way for Morrow

87' - Lovitz floats a ball into the box that finds Gilberto but goes well wide.   No need to take a shot.

3 mins of extra time

90+2' - last chance throw in gets popped into the box and DeRo just misses back heading the ball over the Montreal keeper but it ends up in his hands.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, MONTREAL 1

Man of the Match : Doneil Henry, not for the goal but for his hustle.  Morgan made a strong case for himself tonight as well.

Goat of the Game : Hagglund just because he had a few panicky lapses.  Wasn't overtly terrible just noticeably playing not as well as we've become used to.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Equally crap but blew more calls for Toronto.

Kit Spotting : Calgary Flames circa 1989.   I know it's not footy but no one is delivering here.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I can only imagine how one demotivates a side at halftime, only to come out so flat for the first 10 mins each game

In a nutshell,  Toronto were uninspired but Montreal were poor.  I don't know if Toronto deserved a draw necessarily,  but I strongly doubt Montreal deserved a goal at all.

Apologies are owed to DeRo as he had a great game and played the entire 90 minutes.  We had a pool going as to when he'd gas out and the table went as follows:
@RedWineRoz 7 minutes
@DuncanDFletcher 14
@ignirtoq 37
@theyorkies1812 45
@IamSairax 53
@kzknowles 63
Yeah, we all lost gloriously. He made some clever passes, made himself a threat and got into position often.  He's not the DeRo of 2011 but he still has something to offer.

If you could earn fantasy points for effort,  Gilberto would lead the league... I'm convinced the tourists who buy the scalper tickets are trying to out trend the baseball crowd by sitting around and having conversations.  You can do what you want with your ticket as you will, just don't look at me like I'm the idiot when I do start singing... Marketing at its finest - "Da-da da DA duh, I'm Dan Lovitz" (no, thank YOU McD's)... I feel for Morgan as Bloom owns that right back spot, but he played hard and focused.  This is how fighting for your place can be a helluva motivator... if Amway is going to be the only sponsor of the Match,  then it's only fair that you can only get Amway at the matches.  Amway peanuts with an ice cold Amway Light is really just to comical to not try once... Raise your hand if you expected Moore to come off the bench and poach a goal?  I didn't know he was hurt either.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Hagglund 5.5, Caldwell 6, Henry 7, Morgan 7, Rey 6.5 [Morrow N/A], Orr, Hall 6 [Bekker N/A], Lovitz 6.5, De Rosario 7, Gilberto 6.5.

@ignirtoq fully expects to be back on podcast duty next week as real life is taking over. This would be much more amusing if duty was spelled "doodie". Heheheh... doodie.

THE MATCHUP: Feeling Gouda

TORONTO VS. MONTREAL
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - 1ST LEG
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- What are you? Some kind of Anti-Canuckite Hoserhater? It's the final of this country's highest club football honour!
- It's also a BoGo "401 Derby"! Sacre Bleu! What more do you need?
- A chance for TFC to mend many broken hearts and egos following a 6-goal destruction at this very opponent's hands.
- Montreal is going through their toughest stretch as a club since joining MLS.
- Two managers with unknown futures (OK we know what Klopas' is) have a chance to salvage less than great early seasons with some silverware.
- A chance to see Issey Nakajima-Farran giving TFC the old stink-eye from a private box!
- It's just like this past weekend's Champions League Final - but with loads more poutine!

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Ryan Nelsen vs. Frank Klopas

WHO ARE YA?
After a string of awful performances and a 2014 season that has seen Impact flounder near the bottom of the league, bombastic club president/dairy kingpin Joey Saputo promised imminent changes. And he wasn't kidding, with players now facing a much tougher environment in an attempt to shake things up.

First, Saputo bought the "Laughing Cow" brand of spreadable cheese and replaced the brand mascot with an angry, all-knowing cow which stares at players with dead, disappointed eyes; all sideline Gatorade products are now Partly Skimmed; halftime oranges have been replaced with a chewy, hearty ball of Mozzarella di Bufala; finally, both French AND English have been banned from the club with the only acceptable communication being threatening-sounding movie-Italian.

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 28th, 2008: Police are called to a Toronto-area donut shop as an enraged Laurent Robert demands a face-to-face apology "from this Monsieur Tim Horton for this sacrilegious monstrosity he dares call a croissant".
 

THE STARTING 11: Baldomero Toledo pastimes

No two words strike fear into the hearts of MLS supporters more than: Baldomero Toledo. The name is whispered in terror across pre-match terraces; alerted across new media like an oncoming tornado warning... grown men have shed single dramatic tears of impending doom upon its utterance. He is but one man but if he has been selected to officiate your MLS match you can be sure of one thing... a terrible day. That and cards. Lots and lots of cards. Surely there is a human side to this foul-happy menace though? Surely on his off days he's just a regular guy who puts his shorts on one leg at a time...

11. Throws large objects into rivers just to watch the natural flow of things get ruined

10. Attends local community theatre - constantly stands in front of the spotlight

9. Works on his slightly above-average Chazz Palminteri impression

8. Takes hot selfies pointing to "the spot"

7. Getting thrown out of Hallmark stores for running around and obsessively lifting all of the greeting cards in the air while blowing a whistle

6. Spends hours in his garage trying to install a homemade ejector seat into his Toyota Camry

5. Grooming Silviu Petrescu as the 2nd Dark Lord of the Sith

4. Checking calendar for his next scheduled TFC match... laughing maniacally for hours

3. Long romantic jogs down the beach backwards with a couple of linesmen

2. Battling his arch-nemesis: Hairoledo Dayton!

1. Daydreaming of ruining weekends for thousands

 

AFTER 90: Heart in the Heartland

SPORTING KC VS. TORONTO
SPORTING PARK

FIRST HALF:
1' - It promises to be a fantastic match tonight as Jermain Defoe and his Toronto FC mates travel to the Midwest to face MLS Champio-----------

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR INTERNET MACHINE SOVIET CANUCKISTANIS. THIS WWW PAGE AND ITS LEFTY PINKO PRO-HEALTHCARE, ANTI-AWESOME VIEWS HAS BEEN COMMANDEERED BY THE 'KEEP NORTH AMERICA AMERICAN FOUNDATION'. INSTEAD OF READING ABOUT EUROPEAN FANCY-PANTS SOCCER YOU WILL INSTEAD BE TREATED TO A SUPERSIZE COMBO OF AWESOME PROOF THAT NORTH AMERICA WAS INVENTED BY AMERICA - AS APPROVED BY THE SWEET BABY JESUS AND OUR LEADER

JAY "CUB" PETERS. SON!

 

 END TRANSMISSION.

--------------------cleared down the wing and into touch.
90'+ - Well what else can really be said about this match? Wow!

FT: SPORTING KC 2 - TORONTO 2

PLAYER RATINGS:
Joe Bendik 6 / Mark Bloom 6 / Steven Caldwell 5 (Doneil Henry 4) / Nick Hagglund 5.5 / Justin Morrow 6 / Alvaro Rey 5 (Luke Moore 6.5)/ Kyle Bekker 4.5 (Dan Lovitz 5)/ Bradley Orr 6.5 / Collen Warner 5.5 / Gilberto 6 / Jermain Defoe 6

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Bradley Orr

THE MATCHUP: Friday Night Blights

#Hamstrong

 

SPORTING KC VS. TORONTO FC
SPORTING PARK - FRIDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Can TFC knock off two "Beats of the East" in a row?
- Just how depleted will Sporting's defence actually be?
- Will vengeful Jermain Defoe still be a thing?
- Does Ryan Nelsen choose to rest any starters with the Canadian Championship Final 1st Leg next Wednesday?
- When will the wild success of re-branded Sporting KC lead to another heartland MLS franchise in the form of Boise Benfica?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"El Churrasco"

THE DUEL:
Dom Dwyer vs. Jermain Defoe

WHO ARE YA?
After the Lance Armstrong backed Livestrong foundation lost favour post-doping crisis, Sporting Kansas City pulled the name "Livestrong Park" as their ground's title. This of course leaves a gaping hole in the MLS/charity community but one that TFC has decided to fill.

With their rash of one particular injury, The Reds will begin selling rubber wristbands to combat the silent killer: hamstrings. Instead of the Livestrong yellow, TFC's #Hamstrong wristbands will be bacon streak coloured and are guaranteed not to snap for 6-8 weeks.

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 23, 2011: Panic ensued on TFC's flight back from Colorado when flight crew believed that defender Adrian Cann had dynamite hidden under his shirt. It was resolved when Cann proved that the only "dynamite" he was packing were his fourteen ab muscles. 

 

Fagundez!

VOCAL MINORITY PODCAST: #Nelsenbating
Do you find yourself saying "I like reading this slightly football-related stupidity but boy do I wish I could stick it in my earhole"? Well now you can!

In this week's episode, The Yorkies' Mark leaves the The Yorkies' Tony all alone to face the Waking The Red duo Duncan and Kristin. There's less singing but way more swearing; Kristin makes an impossible bet with another TFC podcast; Tony shakes his fist at an Arsenal-shaped cloud and we all give generously to the "Carl Robinson Kids' Appeal".

Just click on the "Vocal Minority Podcast" icon on the right side of this site and get ready to be unmazed! FAGUNDEZ!

While you’re at it – you should really visit Waking The Red (In our Links Section). They actually write serious TFC stuff. Yeah… we don’t know why either but it’s so choice. DOUBLE FAGUNDEZ!

THE STARTING 11: Rejected Toronto FC Victoria Day events

"Leave one alone Jermain!"



The best thing about long weekend Mondays is that there are no TFC fixtures scheduled. You see, if there were a match, TFC would have found a way to pimp out Queen Victoria and her 19th Century hotness all in the name of cross-promotions. While we will still have to sit through the club pandering to every cultural group in Toronto and the King Club Patio (Hell's Official Party Zone!) will rock on unabated, at least TFC didn't get to roll out these potential Victoria Day doozys...

11. Tim Leiweke and Tim Bezbatchenko strolling around BMO Field twirling 1800's moustaches

10. Jackson legally changing name to Victoria Jackson

9. A high-priced friendly vs. Viktoria Plzen

8. Rolling back ticket prices to 1897 levels

7. Statement by Issey Nakajima-Farran claiming "He is not amused"

6. Doneil Henry tackling a statue of Queen Victoria from behind

5. BMO Field PA system only playing music from Victoria Beckham's 2001 solo album "Victoria Beckham"

4. Heavy coarse wool Victorian-era retro kits

3. Fireworks released every time Gilberto nearly almost scores

2. Jermain Defoe "coronates" a bunch of girls named Vicky

1. Vitchy the Hawk

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v New Jersey... or who the f**k is Henry

So I admittedly gave up during the V-Cup and went to bed.  Figuring that it was only a matter of time for the bottom to fall out and the kids would knock them out only to read that they pulled it off.  Fantastic.

Then Issey Nakajima-Farran was shipped to Montreal for some reason.  Ahhh,  there it is... just like the TFC of old. The element of head-scratching confusion. Straight out of the 2010 player management manual.  Get rid of a depth player because Toronto have such a wealth of forwards and wingers now.

Whatever. 

Gonna miss his drive. I believe Montreal will have won that deal.

Toronto is functionally struggling in the final third of the pitch as the last few goals have been flukey at best.  Maybe they can pot one that isn't a deflection or impeding the keeper.  We'll see.

On to the Match :

8' - Defoe from the left fires a goal forcing a clumsy save from Robles but cleared to safety.

12' - GOAL - Orr puts a perfect ball through the heart of NJEB defense and finds Defoe who buries it under the cross bar.   

ROBINS 1, EXTREME BEVERAGE 0

17' - Free kick from edge of the box from Bekker is low, skips through and finds a lunging Gilberto who connects but puts it past the post.  Everyone do a shot.

New Terrace Classic (you're welcome)

Bloom Bloom Bloom
Sweeping up like a broom
And he can clear it all night
And he can do it just right
Oh-oh-oh... [for reference]

43' - After the foul by Olave on Gilberto,  free kick was low and fast through the middle of the penalty area and just misses Caldwell.

45' - YELLOW - Morrow for stuff.

Half Time Mood : Entertained and alarmed at the same time.

56' - SUB - Moore comes on for Gilberto.  Too soon.

61' - Toronto under pressure and a cross from Henry finds Bendik's hand on the ball then eats a foot from Sam.  Wide open net was Weideman'd by someone.

67' - SUB - Lovitz in for Rey

68' - Bloom sent beautifully down the wing and low crosses, Moore at the doorstep and misses, the rebound hits the only defender in the way.  Heartbreaking.

88' - YELLOW - Defoe gets stepped on by Armando and no call, Defoe gets in an altercation with Armando and goes down like his face was broken, naturally.  Draws the booking anyways.

5 min of extra time

90+1' - Osorio sends Bekker with a weak ball but it gets to him and fires a shot just wide of goal from 18 yds out.  Harrowing

90+4 - GOAL - A calamity of defending has a collision between Robles and Olave where neither get the ball and Moore walks it in. Nanners.
ROBINS 2, EXTREME BEVERAGE 0

FULL TIME : TORONTO 2, NEW JERSEY 0

Man of the Match : Mark Bloom was a machine so he gets the nod.  Nick Hagglund was a very close second.

Goat of the Game : none.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Was ok first half then lost the plot as the game wore on.

Kit Spotting : The Arsenal kits were awesome. Kidding, I won for wearing my Sheffield Wednesday kit and it's sweet.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : felt taking Gilberto off was harsh and the turtle defending of the first 20 mins of the second half was a bit depressing.  Extreme Beverage wasn't that good.

Gilberto's Missed Shots : 1

Not to piss on the celebrations, but one of those goals was very flukey... What hustle from Bloom! So nice to see him step his game up even further. He was everywhere... I used to rate Olave but he's not the rock he once was when I first saw him v RSL many moons ago. Gaffe notwithstanding, he was a magnet for the ball... When Moore picked up the ball for that gaffe, I might have been crazy, but I swear he took a look around to see if a flag was up or something that would take this away from him. He obviously knew about  the lack of luck for TFC from officials... In a private suite was Dike and Cesar watching the game. The most feared private suite in MLS.  Weideman was in there too... it didn't rain, so that was good... anyone else expecting a bed-crapping coming on in the 60ish minute mark? Was sure they were gong to ruin a perfectly nice afternoon at the ground.

Player Ratings : Bendik 7, Bloom 8, Caldwell 6.5, Hagglund 7.5, Morrow 7, Rey 6 [Lovitz N/A], Bekker 7, Orr 7, Osorio 7.5, Defoe 7, Gilberto 6.5 [Moore 6.5]

Issey the real life? Reds trade Nakajima-Farran to Montreal in surprising deal

Everybody outta the pool...



You mean I was growing out my samurai hair-do for nothing? Thanks a bunch TFC.

In a move that shocked even the most hardened to The Reds penchant for oddities, the club announced this morning that it had sent Canadian winger Issey Nakajima-Farran and allocation money to hated rival Montreal for American central midfielder Collen Warner.

On the surface it is a head-scratcher - possibly TFC paying off a cheese debt - as Issey had proven to be a valuable and cost-effective wide player. While younger, the 25-year-old Warner has a higher salary and TFC have given up useful allocation to acquire him. The move also leaves The Reds with a complete lack of options out wide as Warner is certainly of the centrally roaming ilk.

You can forgive TFC supporters, ourselves included, for panic when the news broke as this deal has more than a whiff of past transaction errors. However, there also seems to be a vibe around the club that this isn't the end game in regards to player movement. Whispers are circling (Brek Shea anyone?) that TFC post-World Cup will have a few new faces and this move may be the first in setting up further deals. If fan reaction to this deal is anything to go on - it better be.

As has been with TFC since 2007 - the only constant is change.

THE MATCHUP: Give us wings

"The Champagne of Energy Drink Football Clubs"

TORONTO VS. NEW YORK
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 4:30PM ET

TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Will the dramatic VCup victory over Vancouver be a springboard to regain good form in the league?

- Will the dramatic VCup victory over Vancouver leave TFC an exhausted shell of a team that needs a nap at the half?

- What does life without Michael Bradley look like?

- You can count how many local fans think it's "cool" to wear their Arsenal kits to a TFC match just because Thierry Henry is visiting.

- The "not your ordinary" return of Richard Eckersley.

- Will the England-snubbed Jermain Defoe be full of vengeful fire... or a moping misery guts?
- See how long I can hiss at Thierry Henry before passing out!

- Spurs legend vs. Arsenal legend... who is the bigger, bloodier deal?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The North American London Derby"

THE DUEL:
Jermain Defoe vs. Thierry Henry

WHO ARE YA?
The city of Toronto has long been dubbed as "Hollywood North" due to its prosperous film industry. It's not unusual for locals to see television and film crews using our city as a set for major productions, including many American ones. In fact, Toronto has been used as a stand-in for New York City on many occasions.

Not to be outdone, our suburban neighbours to the east - Oshawa - have agreed to set fire to a large part of their downtown in preparation for a film that is set in the home of New York Red Bulls - Harrison, New Jersey. The film, a hilarious rom-com matching a down on her luck Red Bull Arena hot dog vendor and a love-struck local C.H.U.D. is due in theatres in Summer 2015.
 

The set of "For the Love of C.H.U.D."



ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 17, 2012: A concerned Torsten Frings storms out of training until it becomes clear the phrase "New York Red Bulls" translates into a local Bavarian slang term for a sexually transmitted disease.