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Sunday, May 29, 2011

62 losses in a 6-2 loss

"I got 62 problems but FC Zurich ain't one"

When you are beaten down so badly by a 14-month-old expansion club at your home ground, it is hard to see much past the digits on the scoreboard. 24 hours later, most ardent Toronto FC supporters are still feeling wounded by the experience of the 6-2 loss to Philadelphia - The Reds most humiliating home loss in its history. As bad as Dan Gargan and Ty Harden's charitable donations to Union's scoreline were; the shockingly underwhelming display of heart in majority of the rest of the squad; and, the seemingly bewildered state of Aron Winter; this was more than just a lopsided one-match set-back. In dishonour of the pathetic scoreline of 6-2, here are 62 other things lost at BMO Field yesterday...

- Three points at home
- $50 dollars lost betting on "the under"
- Julian de Guzman's last twelve supporters
- Enough creatively effective swear words to aim at Ty Harden
- Atmosphere
- Richard Eckersley's refusal to return to League Two Football
- Away matches seeming tougher than home fixtures
- Plans (or necessity) for stadium expansion
- A summer without fake DP rumours to sell season tickets
- Zero viewers on GolTV (already too low)
- Dan Gargan's right to put word "defender" on resume
- Crowded Supporters' Sections
- A chance to stick it to French playboy Sebastien Le Toux
- Another chunk of Aron Winter's reputation for picking line-ups
- Demitrius Omphroy's planned "Suck It Philly" tattoo
- Interest in how many free pizzas won at halftime
- Use of positive adjectives in blogs
- A chance of winning the "Cheesesteak v Butty" Derby on aggregate
- 30% of hearing from blaring pre-match music
- Scalpers' kids university tuition payments
- Large numbers of people who once thought DeRo played selfishly
- Joao Plata's 6-inch shoe lifts
- The enthusiastic second verse of "The Dichio Song"
- A chance to watch The Champions League pre-match show
- Some half-digested Chip Buttys
- Don Garber's glowing compliments of TFC as a "model franchise"
- Sales of "This Is Our House" t-shirts
- Any regrets Kevan Aleman had about not signing with the Academy
- Rohan Ricketts' interest in tweeting about #TFC
- Two hours of life
- 1000 names off MLSE's famous season ticket "waiting list"
- Chance to watch Stevanage Borough's dramatic playoff win
- Dutch players' celebratory post-match pancake
- The ability to show our faces in Chester, Pennsylvania
- New fans
- Persuading Academy prospects not to choose clown college instead
- Chance to see Nick Soolsma's post-goal tribute to Latino Hip-Hop
- Fans caring enough to even bother booing
- Keith Makubuya's usual happy post-match "Booyah!" greeting
- Ignoring family when they ask "why you pay money to be miserable"
- Stock in Jurgen Klinsmann's "Soccer Solutions" company
- The last 3 1/2 chapters of Union's 5-Year Plan
- Stefan Frei's chances of a summer transfer to FC Zurich
- Any chance of selling extra seats
- Nana Attakora's belief in himself
- Not a minute of sleep on the MLSE Board of Directors
- The unlikelihood of cheerleaders, thundersticks and a fluffy mascot
- Bob de Klerk's mind
- Another day in our second 5-Year Plan
- Adrian Cann's photoshoot in "Winning Athlete" magazine
- Other clubs' transfer interest in any TFC players
- Complaints about noise
- Players making eye contact with supporters
- Maicon Santos' desire to Lambada the night away
- Our one match with non-biblical weather
- Opportunities to make Fresh Prince jokes at Union's expense
- Chance for one Winter press-conference without word "pity"
- Time before Danny Dichio inevitably named next manager
- Any feeling that you weren't in a one-way love affair with TFC
- Whitecaps' nerves over NutCan replay
- Dicoy Williams' "Irie"-ness
- Player's self respect... we hope

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