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Thursday, June 2, 2011

THE MATCHUP: "We're not playing the Wizards anymore Toto"

Suck it Benfica St. Louis

TORONTO FC (15th) VS. SPORTING KC (18th)
 
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 7PM ET
TV: TSN
 
THE KICKABOUT:
- What is more devastating: a massive 10-game road trip; or, coming off a humiliating 6-2 loss at home and being decimated by injury and International duty?
- With Adrian Cann injured for the season, will Nana Attakora finally get the chance to cement his place back in the starting line-up?
- Would Aron Winter dare start the dreaded Gargan-Harden ("The Raging Hargens") combo again after they helped handicap TFC in the first 10 minutes last week?
- How would the seemingly low morale and egos of TFC handle a loss at home to the worst club in MLS?
- Can the pent-up patriotic fury that supporters have been ready to release against Canadian turncoat Teal Bunbury be redirected into irony for a singing of “There’s only one Alex Bunbury”?
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The No Blizzard - No Wizard"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO FC: Stefan Frei, Tony Tchani, Mikael Yourassowsky
SPORTING KC: Omar Bravo, Teal Bunbury, Kei Kamara
 
THE ODDS:
- Toronto fans mocking Sporting KC until seeing pictures of their new stadium; then gently weeping as it rains on them: 10-1
- Sporting Kansas City to re-brand the team at halftime: 100-1
- 2,000 TFC fans being outnumbered by 10,000 immigrants from Missouri at BMO Field: 1000-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
- Sporting's insanely long road-trip to start 2011 may have caused them to falter in the MLS table but in a silver lining they did qualify for the 2012 Homeless World Cup
- If it rains on Saturday evening, BMO Field will break FIFA's matchday precipitation record set in the now defunct Brazilian Rainforest Division
- If TFC loses, manager Aron Winter could break the Guinness Book record for most uses of the word "pity" by a single person, smashing Mr.T's previous tally set in 1986
 
THE WAGER: 1-1 Draw (2011: 12-5 with 4 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "SPORTING FANS AWAIT BRAND NEW STADIUM - TFC FANS AWAIT PRECIPITATION"

Only one Bunbury

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