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Friday, August 26, 2011

THE MATCHUP: Red-uce, Red-use, Red-cycle

Oooh, it comes in "San Jose blue"

TORONTO (17th) VS. SAN JOSE (14th)
 
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 7PM ET
TV: GOLTV -----RADIO: FAN 590
 
THE KICKABOUT:
- Is TFC's sudden lack of scoring a long-term issue or can they break out of their goal funk?
- Can the much needed Danny Koevermans return from injury?
- Which Quakes' ex-Red do Toronto fans miss most - Attakora, Cronin, Peterson or Gordon?
- How many negative messages on Twitter will Jacob Peterson post during the match?
- What would Frank Yallop trade to us for our whole defence?
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Trading Post"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Eric Avila, Andy Iro, Ryan Johnson
SAN JOSE: Bobby Convey, Jacob Peterson, Chris Wondolowski
 
THE ODDS:
- Jacob Peterson Tweeting that he'll only miss "Ty Harden and Tiny Tom Donuts" when he leaves Toronto again: 20-1
- TFC going down 1-0 only to be saved by a biblical flood, locust infestation or rivers of blood: 50-1
- Alan Gordon waving to the crowd - injuring wrist in process: 75-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
- A protest is planned outside of BMO Field by victims of last Tuesday's "Great Toronto Earthquake 2011" Nearly 1's of people were hurt in the quake that registered nearly 3 on the Richter scale by time it reached Toronto. Protesters are angered over the insensitivity of the San Jose club's name. Never forget.
- With the incredible amount of players that have suited up for both of these clubs, FIFA has voted Saturday's match as "Most Incestual Fixture - 2011"
- To help flagging attendance, MLSE is planning a halftime tribute to former Canadian pro wrestler John "Earthquake" Tenta. Never forget.
 
THE WAGER: 1-0 Toronto (2011: 19-17 with 6 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "TRADE AFTERSHOCKS RATTLE QUAKES"

God speed Earthquake. God speed.

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