THE MATCHUP: "We're not in Kansas anymore MoMo"

Estadio Nacional: They seem a bit jumpy

C.D. MOTAGUA VS. TORONTO FC

CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PRELIMINARY (2nd LEG)

Estadio Nacional (Tegucigalpa, Honduras) - Tuesday 8:00PM ET

TV: GOL TV

Slap dab in the middle of the annual "TFC Summer Swoon"TM, the club travels to the toughest stadium and civic environment in the history of the young club. For a team whose "tough" road matches include hardcore destinations such as Colorado, Kansas City and San Jose - Tegucilgalpa, Honduras will seem like a trip into the mouth of football hell for the inexperienced Reds.

Central America is a tough trip for any football team but TFC got the golden ticket with a draw to C.D. Motagua and their Estadio Nacional. The bullring stadium in the heart of one of the Honduran capital's roughest barrios (and that says something) is a fiery place with tremendous supporters groups who are also some of the pioneers of Latin America's favourite corner kick pastime - "The Urine Bomb". What is that you ask? 1 part ziplock bag, 3 parts expelled cerveza, 1 good throw at the opposition and...

Adding to that wet n' wild fun, TFC wasn't allowed to land their charter plane at Tegucigalpa's notoriously unsafe airport due to only "40% probability of a safe landing" (not kidding) meaning they have to add a five hour bus journey to their harrowing trip. In this delicious Latin cocktail mix is the problem that TFC has forgotten how to score and is only carrying a 1-0 aggregate scoreline. Despite Motagua's best player, striker Georgie Welcome, being on trial this week at Glasgow Rangers, and Motagua and their fans still being in off-season mode, 90 minutes of Prekiball will likely spell disaster and another early exit from CCL. Preki and TFC will need to be brave on many fronts for a result.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Urinal Canadienese"

2nd LEG LATINOS: Amado Guevara, Shannon Welcome, Sergio Mendoza
WET LEG GRINGOS: Dwayne De Rosario, Stefan Frei, Chad Barrett

THE ODDS:
- TFC corner takers spending the full halftime in the showers: 2-1
- Toronto supporters groups wondering aloud "why streamers were so bad?": 5-1
- Mo Johnston releasing press quote in the 70th minute stating that "Toronto FC will now be concentrating on the MLS playoffs": EVENS
- Team blaming inability to score on the mesmerizing giant "FedEx" logo on the Motagua keeper's ass: 10-1

WHO ARE YA?
- Tegucigalpa is the Honduran capital and its 1.3 Miliion citizens are called Tegucigalpalonians. The region's main exports include sandwich meats, giant sinkholes and angry words
- The capital's Toncontin Airport is rated as the #2 most dangerous airport in the world. Tegucilgalpa also claims the world's fifth scariest bus stop, the eighth most violent train station and Pedro, the world's #3 most surly cab driver
- Tegucigalpa has won the "most enjoyable capital city name" for nine years in a row narrowly beating Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for the crown in 2009
- Honduras and neighbour El Salvador went to war in 1969 after tensions arose surrounding a World Cup Qualifying match. The "Football War" was voted best "sports-themed" conflict by ESPN beating out Saskatchewan's 1973 armed "Curling Revolution"

PISS BUTTY SAYS: 2-0 CD Motagua
EL PREKI SAYS: 0-0 Draw... then penalties....
HEADLINE: "HASTA LA VISTA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE"

The South Stand Report : TFC v CD Motagua... or domo arigato Mr. Amado.

I love a cup tie. Seriously. I love it. I love the upsets. I love the blowouts. I love the "going to penalties after 210 minutes of scoreless football". It's wonderful. Please mind the waxing poetic...

Sadly with CONCACAF Champions League, the underdogs aren't that prominent.

Sure, when Montreal had that amazingly super-fun cup run in the first year of the tournament, I was green with envy with their adventure (not just the success). It's the thing that legends are made of. I want that for TFC. I want to be on the ground floor of those moments of underdog glories.

So here I am on the ground floor. Again. I hope the elevator works this time...

It is safe to say that TFC ARE the underdogs. They're a 7th-to-10th place side in the debatably-second strongest league in CONCACAF and they got in by defeating only two teams. Anti-climactic, sure, but what a finer dark horse than the breed that is Canadian.

C.D. Motagua was the strongest side in the Honduran league, finishing second in the Apertura, first in the Clausura. Surely a footballing nation can produce a stronger footballing club than a 4th year franchise, right?

Onto the match:

Starting formation of 4-4-2

Frei
Usanov – Cann – Attakora – Garcia
Vanilla Peterson – deGoo – DeRo – Nane
The Chad – OBW

Why O'Brien White is getting a start here is confusing to say the least.

7 – Georgie "Your" Welcome gets a crack 15 yards out and Attakora gets in the way.

9 - The move appears to be once Garcia gets 10 feet out of position, Nane has to cover. Or, get a better left back. I'm just sayin'.

11 – TFC gets bailed out by a suspect ref call. Frei comes off his line late to challenge for a ball and gets to it first. Swipes at it with his hand and hits the Motagua forward in the hand, who still gets to it and pots it but it was called back for a hand ball. I wouldn't have called it like that, but oh well...

Quote of the match

I don't know if he's drunk or Polish

~ Tony on one of the gentlemen down front

18 – OBW is slow. [How slow is he?] He's so slow, there are people laying down going faster than him. If he had half a step more... we'd be up 1-0 after a ball landed in front of him about, oh, a half a step away and skittered through.

21 – GOAL – DeRo slots a ball onto The Chad who's FIRST TOUCH WAS CLINICAL and puts it past a hapless Morales in the Motagua net.

23 – TFC counter ends up at the feet of Vanilla who fires it 20 feet higher than it needs to be.

32 – deGoo couldn't get a shot off 18 yds out but the clear ends up at DeRo who shoots it high.

36 – deGoo fires a shot that ends up safely in the hands of Morales

41 – Georgie Welcome gets embarassed by Cann holding his spot and clearing the ball, then falls to the ground as if was shot. Ref isn't buying it.

43 – Motagua are finding their offensive legs, albeit ambitious and sloppy. Build up culminates with a low wide shot from Shannon "Hello and" Welcome that veers wide.

45 – Cann comes up big again against Georgie Welcome and gets the ball from him inside the penalty area.

No minutes of extra time... they do that?!

HALF-TIME MOOD: Relaxing. TFC look dominant and Motagua's build up usually ends in futility but only one of their moves has to work, right?

45 – SUB – Gargan in for Usanov and Maicon Silva in for The Chad. I'm baffled by this one. Usanov had a solid first half, and The Chad scored like a real striker (sorry Chad). How OBW is still on the pitch is a wonder.

Quote of the Match Candidate

"FedEx – When that ass needs to get there on time"

~ Tony on the rear end sponsor of Motagua GK Morales

50 – Portillo has a low bullet that Frei manages to get infront of.

51 – YELLOW – Maicon gets booked for a late, clumsy, Jui-Jitsu like throwdown of Sergio Mendoza

54 – OBW to deGoo who lays it to DeRo only to have the shot blocked. This was some slick world-class type of passing.

56 – DeRo does this cute Savardian spinarama (forgive the hockey reference) on Mendoza. Fun to watch.

58 – deGoo fires a perfectly good ball nowhere near goal.

62 – SUB – Mista in for OBW. I could see Mista coming in, but I guessed at half or sooner. Too slow for this style of play.

62 – Mista's first touch loses 2 defenders and lays it to Vanilla who firest is less wider than usual.

73 – Maicon slots an almost too far ball for DeRo, but manages to get to it and fires a low left shot forcing Morales to make a big stop.

82 – Motagua corner takes a glancing header towards Frei's hands. If TFC cough up a draw at this point, Motagua deserves it.

84 – Portillo misses the easiest equalizer ever when the ball landed 6 inches infront of him and he swung and whiffed it. Tragic.

87 – Either deGoo has no finish or he's really misplaced it. Another shot somewhere towards Rochester, NY

3 minutes of extra time

90+1 – DeRo is truly trying to be everything to everyone. The guy is a machine.

90+3 – Dying moments of the game has a Motagua corner that ultimately gets punched away by Frei.

FULL TIME: Toronto 1, C.D. Motagua 0

Man of the Match : I liked Attakora and Cann, so the tie breaker went to... Frei. Stopped everything that mattered and got crazy lucky a few times.

Goat of the Game : Vanilla Peterson played that long with that many chances and missed them all. He must be the most prolific goal scorer in training. He absolutely must be.

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Didn't fall for much of the stupidity of Motagua diving tactics and let the boys play when you thought there was going to be a foul. Thanks for coming.

Who picks these teams? How can Preki not take this game seriously? There's some serious money in the tournament, league be damned. Unless Usanov or The Chad were hurt/furious to the point of lashing out, there was no good reason to take these players off. How did OBW get a full game? Seriously. OBW is the kind of player that you use against teams that are overly defensively cautious. Motagua were far from cautious. After about 15 minutes, this problem shouldv'e been identified then corrected.

Aside from obvious Preki-bitchings, I'm afraid of the second leg. I fear that 1-0 won't be enough to take to Tegucigulpa and survive the tie. 3-0 and I'd declare them through, but these places are usually unfriendly to say the least. Their supporters make what the south stands do look like a Sesame Street highlight clip. That's hostility.

But Preki knows what he's doing, doesn't he?