"It's not us, it's you" - The fun has left BMO Field as TFC's only claim to fame fizzles

"Can you feel the passion? Umm...guys? Can you feel it?"

It was always going to be this way. As far back as the first home fixture in 2007, Toronto FC was based on a house of cards that was "the great atmosphere". It didn't help when the assembled North American football media got in line to stroke the club and its supporters’ egos for managing to introduce a "European match atmosphere" to MLS. The club, so wrapped up in this unexpected phenomenon, took a path that would see them bathe in their fans' "ultra" imagery and lean on this as the be all and end all of Toronto's re-born football scene. This golden calf invariably lead them to doing the one thing that would eventually slay this unexpected idol - they didn't bother to build a football club for it.

　
This is old news to 99% of you reading this. The many re-births, the conveyor belt of management and the eternal continuation of "Five-Year Plans" have become the stuff of local farce. Until recently however, the supporters who have graciously, and against all odds, continued to attend TFC matches met the club's lifelong struggles with gallows humour and a frustrated resilience. The once exalted atmosphere, while steadily decreasing, seemed strong enough to at least allow the ground's denizens a fun day out. For those of you who go to TFC matches regularly are likely aware, and as a note to those that do not, the fun has gone.
　
It is palpable in the air. Joviality towards our lovable bumbling squad has turned into hostility and - far worse - deafening apathy. There is not an ounce of blame available to put on a single supporter or group who still attends due to their genuine affection for TFC (or at least the sport) as most are all out of spirit. The club has beaten it out of their fans through a battle of below-mediocre attrition that few fans would be willing to endure. Yes there are fans of other clubs around the world who have suffered through worse but they likely support a club with history and past glories to lean on. In Toronto, supporters can only lean on paper-thin promises of better days ahead. A Herculean sales pitch that MLSE likely didn't expect to have to make.
　
The question thus becomes - how will the club sell a day out at a match? There is a palpable fear that the ownership will begin to panic soon. The original recipe for success was selling a football experience that was as close to "old world" sensibilities as you could find in North America. There was a refreshing lack of bottled Arena Football-esque bottled atmosphere. The near organic supporter culture papered over the rapidly exposed ills of a poorly managed team. But when this is gone, how will an ownership that has a PhD in "Sizzle over Steak" react?

"Are you Toronto in disguise?" - An away day to England's "Canadian Club"

The BMO Field of Suffolk

 

For someone who exploits many a word on this site to bemoan the extreme weather conditions and rickety tin-can architecture that constitutes a BMO Field fixture, the irony of my away day was not lost. As the Easter Weekend wind and sleet whipped off of the nearby North Sea coast, I stifled chattering teeth long enough to allow a wry smile in the realization of what I had stumbled upon. If Canadian club football, specifically Toronto FC, has a lost spiritual twin it may very well reside at Portman Road - home to Ipswich Town FC.

　

Most of you reading this will have never been to Ipswich. The County Town of the idyllic and largely rural county of Suffolk in Southeastern England has perhaps seen better days, the same which can be said of its beloved local club "The Tractor Boys". That being said, both are doing their best to emerge from lean years while attempting regeneration amidst a community spirit around Town and town that seems fierce and proud. As Mick McCarthy led his squad out to face the once mighty Leeds United, I couldn't help but feel a kindred spirit with the Suffolk support - and not simply due to weather.

　

While I grew up on the terraces of a certain Premiership club two hours away in London, much of my football life has been shaped here in Canada. Like many Canadians (native or transplanted) of the 1980's and 1990's footy supporting variety, it wasn't hard to have a soft spot for Ipswich Town. A succession of Canadian National players excelled at Portman Road with Town becoming a beacon in those days when Canadians playing abroad was more rare than today. Arriving at Portman Road I expected this to be my little Canadian "insider" experience, possibly only important on this side of the pond - I was heartwarmingly incorrect.

Cann'ed! Ex-MVP one of six released by TFC

A career to fall back on. Now do "Blue Steel"!



Out with the old, in with TBD. The replacements are yet to be identified but Toronto FC lowered the boom on three former starting defenders and three Academy grads today as Paul Mariner & Co. begin to make space for TFC XII. The following dirty half-dozen were the first to be deemed surplus in the magical world of "No Frills" football but are unlikely the last...
　
ADRIAN CANN: All the abs in the world couldn't save the former club MVP and nine-time Canadian international. For a stretch, Cann had become the club's most solid CB - which is of course not saying much - but a series of injuries was followed by an apparent lack of interest by the new manager. Thank God there is so much money to be made for 32-year old male models.
　
TY HARDEN: The only real surprise is that he was still here to be released. "Try Harder" was given more than enough chances to solidify a starter's role but his oak tree-esque mobility and constantly bewildered looks doomed him to petering out at TFC under a cloud of "mystery ailments". Off you go Ty. Finally.
　
DICOY WILLIAMS: Sad Tweet Alert! Sad Tweet Alert! The big Jamaican had the briefest of bright moments when he and Adrian Cann were a healthy duo but injuries and his 2km/h top speed doomed him to oblivion. That being said - he is a semi-regular with the Jamaican national team so are TFC missing something? Wrong Caribbean island maybe?
　
OSCAR CORDON: The diminutive midfielder seemed like he was the apple of Aron Winter's eye for a period but completely fell off the radar in 2012. Hopefully a useful NASL career can be carved out for the affable local lad.
　
KEITH BAKUBUYA: It all went downhill when the Academy grad told TFC TV that his last name was pronounced "MA-KOO-BE-YUH" instead of the far more entertaining "MAKKA-BOOYAH!" From that point on it was only a matter of time. A career snuffed out by boring pronunciation.
　
NICHOLAS LINDSAY: Lindsay was the first Academy grad to really turn heads at TFC. The speedy winger looked like he had the skills to play at a level similar to fellow grad Ashtone Morgan but an unfortunate (and daft) snowmobiling accident was the catalyst for the end of his TFC dream.
　
While many will bemoan the fate of three young locals, this is simply the reality of having an Academy system. It is unfortunate that a U-23 set up doesn't exist within the TFC framework but local kids are cut from clubs all over the world. As for the veteran defenders, there will be some sentiment for Cann but in all honesty none of these three were the way forward for Toronto and would be hard-pressed to make the bench on many MLS clubs. The only questions that remain are "who is next?" and more importantly "who is replacing them?" The post-season fun has begun.

Know your Toronto FC 2012 – The A-ceval to D-icoy Guide

Hey handsome... where you been hidin'?



"SIXual Healing" is about to touchdown at BMO Field and with a host of new faces and you need a program! While nowhere near as erotic as a "SIXual Healing" program should be (this is a family website... sort of) we bring you all of the must-know info on your 2012 Reds. Print it up and bring it with you to BMO Field... unless you want to be that person saying "Is that Screech from Saved by the Bell wearing # 2?" Before you put on that commemorative scarf it's time to learn your "Ginga Ninjas" from your "Shrewsbury Squareballers". Ladies and Gentleman, Butty-lovers of all ages.... your 2012 Toronto Eff Cees...
　
# 3 MIGUEL ACEVAL - D
COUNTRY: Chile
NICKNAME: "Ace"
HOBBIES: Visiting Chile. feeling chilly, eating chili
PREDICTION: Exhausting all Chile, chilly, chili puns by May
　
# 8 ERIC AVILA - M
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: "Eric The Red"
HOBBIES: Being hip, being confused with Luis Silva
PREDICTION: Gritting teeth into a smile as Silva improves
　
# 33 EFRAIN BURGOS JR. - M
COUNTRY: El Salvador
NICKNAME: "Jr. CheeseBurgos"
HOBBIES: Procuring work permits, being patient
PREDICTION: Being the final piece of the Lambe Burgos & Frings on a Silva Plata Pun-tagon
　
# 12 ADRIAN CANN - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "Zoocannder", "The Six-Pack Messiah"
HOBBIES: Rehabbing, gasoline fights, drinking Orange Mocha Frappuccinos
PREDICTION: Looking really, really good on backline
　
# 16 OSCAR CORDON
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "Bleu"
HOBBIES: Looking youthful, being curly
PREDICTION: Getting ID'd every time TFC goes out
　
# 6 JULIAN DE GUZMAN - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "JDG","D-Goo"
HOBBIES: Drivin' Lambos, tamin' fro's, talkin' bro's
PREDICTION: In a constant state of justification
　
# 23 TERRY DUNFIELD - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "The Shrewsbury Squareballer"
HOBBIES: Appearing cheerful, eating quite a few of the pies, passing back to the keeper
PREDICTION: Taking shirt off on TV again - distorting white balance on TSN cameras
　
# 27 RICHARD ECKERSLEY - D
COUNTRY: England
NICKNAME: "Ecks", "Ginga Ninja"
HOBBIES: Getting cautioned, getting yellow cards, getting red cards
PREDICTION: Always about to smack opponent in the mouth
　
# 2 LOGAN EMORY - D
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: "The Board", "Idaho Hustler"
HOBBIES: Angering Orlando City, not attending "Saved by the Bell" conventions
PREDICTION: Telling locals that "no, he is NOT Screech"
　
# 24 STEFAN FREI - GK
COUNTRY: Switzerland
NICKNAME: "The Goalblerone"
HOBBIES: Wearing Swiss cheese yellow kits, battling for his job, pretending to be happy for Milos Kocic
PREDICTION: Wondering what happened to all that talk about leaving for Europe
　
# 22 TORSTEN FRINGS - M
COUNTRY: Germany
NICKNAME: "Field Marshal Frings", "Das Kapitan"
HOBBIES: Running midfield, running defence, ruining hamstring
PREDICTION: Being asked to do absolutely everything
　
# 20 TY HARDEN - D
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: "The Spork", "Try Harder"
HOBBIES: Taking blame, being defended because he "seems nice", not looking bothered
PREDICTION: Being 2012's lightning rod
　
# 4 DONEIL HENRY - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "Oh!", "Hank"
HOBBIES: Biding time, completing puberty
PREDICTION: Wondering how he can't crack that back four
　
# 9 RYAN JOHNSON - F
COUNTRY: Jamaica
NICKNAME: "RJ9", "Da CONCACAF Killah"
HOBBIES: Sounding vaguely Jamaican, scoring in CCL for fun
PREDICTION: Making San Jose supporters say "WTF?"
　
# 30 MILOS KOCIC - GK
COUNTRY: Serbia
NICKNAME: "The Cobra", "Milko"
HOBBIES: Rocking the hot pink, battling for his job, pretending to be happy for Stefan Frei
PREDICTION: Getting image of Robbie Keane save tattooed on chest
　
# 14 DANNY KOEVERMANS - F
COUNTRY: Netherlands
NICKNAME: Koef
HOBBIES: Shaving head, admonishing social media, playing "Settlers of Catan" with Dutch nerds
PREDICTION: Finally replacing "The Dichio Song"
　
# 19 REGGIE LAMBE - M
COUNTRY: Bermuda
NICKNAME: "The Shank", "The Triangle Kid"
HOBBIES: Tweeting, self-promoting, providing sheep puns
PREDICTION: Trying to avoid becoming Rohan Ricketts 2.0
　
# 13 KEITH MAKUBUYA - F
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Anything except "BooYah", "Kuby Keith"
HOBBIES: Correcting mispronunciations, getting lost in the shuffle
PREDICTION: Letting people pronounce it as "booyah" if it means he gets to crack the line-up
　
# 21 AARON MAUND - D
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: "Maundsta", "A-Maund Joy"
HOBBIES: Baptisms by fire, getting thrown in things at the deep end
PREDICTION: Having a big chance at grabbing a starting job
　
# 5 ASHTONE MORGAN - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "The Tone", "Future Captain Morgan"
HOBBIES: Making investments in youth look good, being poised beyond years
PREDICTION: Carrying a heavy responsibility
　
# 7 JOAO PLATA - F
COUNTRY: Ecuador
NICKNAME: "Platita", "El MosQuito", one half of "The Silva Plata"
HOBBIES: Being adorable, spontaneous Latin dance, star of Ecuadorian TV's "Webster"
PREDICTION: Having a much harder time of things this year
　
# 11 LUIS SILVA - M
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: "Silva Bullet", "other half of "The Silva Plata"
HOBBIES: Becoming an instant hero
PREDICTION: Trying to live up to instant hero status
　
# 18 NICK SOOLSMA - F
COUNTRY: Netherlands
NICKNAME: "Suarez's Dad", "Soolsmeow"
HOBBIES: Improving game, talking about cats, thinking about cats
PREDICTION: Retiring from football - opening a cattery for non-racist feline friends
　
# 15 MATT STINSON - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: "Cowboy"
HOBBIES: Being a young bull in a china shop
PREDICTION: Aiming to be the "fit Terry Dunfield"
　
# 31 DICOY WILLIAMS - D
COUNTRY: Jamaica
NICKNAME: "Decoy", "Dicoy-oh"
HOBBIES: Being a noun, sending out lonely tweets
PREDICTION: Having his return from injury treated like it's the Second Coming

"No one likes us, we shouldn't care"

Definitely not the Home Depot Center



While The Reds are a far cry from the South London ruckus that is Millwall FC, you could forgive TFC supporters from mistaking BMO Field for The New Den today. Amidst the euphoric din from the triumphant but still bewildered Toronto fans, emerged a narrative from the rest of North America that was somewhat sobering - no one really cares about Toronto FC all that much.
　
Leading up to the match, and most likely until the final whistle, the majority of this continent's media and fans (outside of Toronto) had already written off TFC's chances. Most barely gave The Reds the credit to even provide Davy Knickers & The Boyz a real challenge. When the match ended and turned predictions on their heads, some naysayers were willing to eat crow but mostly with the caveat that poor Galaxy were "so fatigued". Those insights were oft followed with polite pats on the head for the plucky Canucks with platitudes laced with adjectives like "unfashionable", "perennial underdogs" and "underachievers". Back-handed at best.
　
While there will always be a certain sect of the American football fan who will never be comfortable with Canadian clubs in MLS, was it naive to think that last night's famous win could afford the Torontos some cross-border affection? When Real Salt Lake made its run to the CONCACAF Champions League final there was a league-wide love-in that put rivalries to one side and pushed a #MLS4RSL online campaign. However, if early public reaction is anything to go by, a similar #MLS4TFC campaign doesn't look like it would get much traction past the 905 area code, let alone south of the border.
　
For Toronto sports fans, not getting the love from "Canada's shirt" is nothing new - just ask the Blue Jays and Raptors (not that they deserve love). However, TFC probably won't generate much hate from the USA - more likely just apathy. Instead, most of the vitriol and bad tidings in our quest for CCL success will emanate from within our nation. A #CSA4TFC campaign is maybe less likely than the MLS variety. Our dirty hippie cousins at BC Place are still smarting (and telling anyone who will listen) how they should have won the Voyageur's Cup in 2011 and that TFC's run is a sham. Do not expect much in the way of solidarity from the Rockies. Meanwhile our age-old rivals down the 401 would probably rather give up their strip-club memberships than see TFC beat the same Mexican club that gave them one of their all-time worst humiliations. Add the usual Toronto-hate from the rest of the country and The Reds are truly an island.
　
Basically, Toronto FC aren't the high-flying fashionable club that neutrals want to bandwagon on. In English football parlance, we aren't Chelsea or Arsenal - neither nouveau riche nor aristocratic. Instead, we are more in tune with a Newcastle (in Toon?) or Leeds. Big clubs that have made stupid mistakes but have rabid, die-hard supporters who stick by them even if everyone else thinks they are a bit delusional. When success does come for those types of fans, it's always that bit sweeter than at the clubs where it comes easily.
　
The bunker mentality can be a good thing - even the players can feed off the "us vs. them" emotion. So really, if you were miffed today that your beloved club wasn't getting the love you feel it deserves... is that so bad? It's always more fun to swim against the stream and wouldn't you rather be "disliked" alongside 47,000 of your closest friends at SkyDome rather than being "fashionable" at the Home Depot Center?

Town Hall & Oates - You're Out Of Touch

---The two on the left got it way worse than the four on the right

Not exactly a full house, I rushed over for the first pantomime session in hopes someone hit'em hard.

Someone did.

Pre-talkie time, I overheard Mr Anselmi discuss about how "the Champions League is the best" and he "doesn't get it" why attendance is poor. Here's why in a nutshell - the people who care about seeing the Panamanian champs or the El Salvadorian champs live in Panama and El Salvador. Pumas doesn't capture the imagination. Neither does Real Salt Lake. Ever.

Winter was handed the microphone and started talking about fishing. Then I realized that English v's are Dutch f's and decrypted that he was saying "vision". I'm too tired to be doing this...

I didn't document everything, but enough.

1) Asked about the youth team and tried to get an answer regarding how many of the youth players are legitimate full-squad members, injuries notwithstanding and how many youthies do they see coming through next year? Too many questions and only the last one was addressed, being one or two kids could break through. Shame.

2) Then a gentleman from the back took the mic and laid it all out.

Season one was full of highs and lows, but there was a definite hope in the air. We didn't make the play-offs, but there was a sense of camaraderie between the front-office, the field and the fans, essentially we were all in this together.

The next three seasons, TFC continued to struggle on the field, but the real losing attitude was happening off the field. As a fan I, I started to turn to MLSE as the source of my frustration. 

THE STARTING 11: Mo Johnston regrets

Regrets, we've had a few... hundred



There was a special, almost spiritual, occasion in the world of Toronto FC last week. No, it wasn’t the club’s first ever win over Columbus, nor the hoisting of the illustrious Trillium Cup - it was an anniversary of a momentous date in TFC’s history. It was a year ago last week that Mo Johnston was finally fired from his post as “Director” of “Soccer” thus marking the actual start of Toronto FC as a club. Despite the “Founded 2007” stamp on the club - under Johnston it was simply a bumbling comedy of suspicious errors for four-and-a-half years and it wasn’t until his very overdue departure that the building of the club could begin. Yes, it has left fans with regrets over a lost half-decade at BMO Field but what about the man himself? What regrets could the much-maligned Johnston have considering he never got to see out his magical “5 Year Plan”?
　
11. Never got to complete Jim Brennan’s training in the art of making a good mocha latte
　
10. Sure he forgot to let those Ivorian trialists out of his basement
　
9. Couldn’t persuade Brad Pitt to play him in his self-penned autobiographical film “MoneyDraft”
　
8. Wasn’t allowed to tell people he helped the CSA draft their new blueprint for success
　
7. Never got around to answering the bags of threatening letters from Glasgow
　
6. Didn’t get a chance to wear his new “Master of the Draft” embroidered silk kimono
　
5. Never mustered up the bravery to reveal his true romantic feelings towards Barry MacLean
　
4. Couldn’t convert his DeLorean into a 5 Year Plan Time Machine
　
3. Failed to convince “Just For Men” to add the colour “Ginger Bastard” to its range
　
2. Didn’t get a chance to force Rick Titus into retirement - hastily add his name to the Wall of Honour
　
1. Misses Preki’s smile

Toronto FC's "Unlabour Day" Parade

Unlabour Day cheezies.... let us pray...


We've always found those strange "almost holiday" days that come right after a very recognized special day to be quite odd. For example, the day after Halloween is known as All Saints' Day, a Christian holy day where every saint, known and unknown, is celebrated. I guess that includes St. Lucia - Patron Saint of Stretchers. Then there is Boxing Day, the post-Christmas Day celebration where we commemorate when the Baby Jesus kept his receipts for gold, frankincense and myrrh. Seriously... myrrh?
　
As we blearily return to work/ school on this post-Labour Day Tuesday, we thought it would be appropriate to designate today as one of those unofficial post-holidays. How about "Unlabour Day"? A day to celebrate not really working all that hard and doing the bare minimum to achieve a paycheque. Of course we have to put a Toronto FC slant to it, so we give you a specially wrapped Unlabour Day gift of TFC's starting eleven players who had all the tools to have an impact - but never quite did. Sometimes through laziness and sometimes just bad circumstance, these ex-Reds never fulfilled their promise in Toronto. Put up your feet, open your traditional bag of Unlabour Day cheezies and lounge along with these heroes of not working too hard. We would have alphabetized them... but why try harder?
　
JEFF CUNNINGHAM - One of the league's all-time leading scorers - never looked arsed to be here. Was desperate to score his 100th league goal, didn't care if it was in a win or loss.
　
GABE GALA - An "original" TFC member who was touted as a local home grown star of the future. Mostly touted by himself. Scored against Real Madrid in friendly. Likely still talking about it.
　
LAURENT ROBERT - He came. He sulked. He left. The Frenchman with the Premier League pedigree and wicked foot turned up his nose at all things MLS during his petit tenure as a Red.
　
O'BRIAN WHITE - The Malvern residing NCAA stand-out was seen as the answer to TFC's non-existent scoring. Quickly earned the nickname "Malvern/ Montego Molasses". Slowly moved to Seattle.
　
OLIVIER TEBILY - One of the highest touted defensive imports in the Mo Johnston era never got off the ground in Toronto through a mysterious cocktail of injury and homesickness.
　
ROHAN RICKETTS - Professional Tweeter/ Bridge Burner, Ricketts has dined off his Arsenal/ Tottenham tenure for years. "Dazzling" personality never covers lacklustre work ethic.
　
AMADO GUEVARA - Controversial we know. Great numbers at TFC but always a feeling he could have done so much more. For every goal scored, he disappeared for a few halves.
　
ALI GERBA - Many fans still feel that the straight-talking Gerba could have made good here if it wasn't for Preki. One thing he made good was his promise to clean his plate after every meal.
　
COLLIN SAMUEL - Speaking of cleaning plates, this portly Trinidadian arrived with a decent scoring record in Scotland... where he no doubt found his love for all things deep fried.
　
CARLOS RUIZ - Perhaps the first hint was when he didn't show up for five weeks after being picked up by Mo Johnston. Never wanted to be here - fact that Mo released Robert for him is sweet irony.
　
MISTA - Possibly the perfect encapsulation of the Mo Johnston record of buying the wrong player. The broken down Spaniard didn't score an MLS goal and destroyed the little goodwill that real star Dwayne De Rosario had over his wage issues. Did look like Sean Penn though... that was fun.

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC delays at airport customs

"Anything to declare?"... "Yes, we're not very good."



When things go poorly for Toronto FC on the road, we often hear that "travel" has caught up with the team. It may seem like a handy excuse but any of us who have fought our way through airports know that it can be taxing at the best of times. With the added joy of getting to tour some of Central America's finest "Slightly" International Airports, The Reds can be given a little rope to excuse poor away form... but only a little. One of the most time consuming aspects of airport travel is waddling your way through customs. Nowadays, passing through this level of security can be akin to a Guantanamo-esque interrogation, which led us to wonder what happens when TFC meets up with border guards...
　
11. Bob de Klerk constantly warned that one more "air rage" outburst could get him deported
　
10. Always have to spend ages explaining to Canada Customs that they are a football team... which is a soccer team... which is like foot hockey
　
9. Team must declare Andy Iro as a dangerous weapon
　
8. Stefan Frei causes delay in line by always whispering to border guards if they know "which gate the next flight to Zurich leaves from"
　
7. Nick Soolsma always being detained when trying to smuggle his suitcase full of exotic international cheeses into country
　
6. Must produce documents showing Joao Plata's legal guardianship
　
5. Bags full of XXX Dutch DVD's always being confiscated
　
4. Have to explain how Rohan Ricketts ended up being a stowaway in the cargo hold
　
3. Ty Harden declared as an endangered species
　
2. Club always claims four years’ worth of baggage
　
1. When asked if he has anything to declare, Aron Winter replies "It is a pity"

THE MATCHUP: Where ankles fear to tread

CONCACAF give Estadio Independencia's pitch the thumbs up



REAL ESTELI VS. TORONTO
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - PRELIMINARY - 2ND LEG
AGGREGATE 1-2
　
ESTADIO INDEPENDENCIA - TUESDAY 10PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Will The Reds bunker down and protect their 1 goal advantage or do they try to exert their 1st Leg dominance and go for the away goal?
- Can TFC's ever-rotating backline show the quality to keep Real Esteli off the scoresheet at home?
- How will Toronto's European-bred players react to the substandard facilities and fan peculiarities found in deep Central America?
- Does Real Esteli have the quality to beat Toronto or was the 2-1 1st Leg scoreline complimentary to the Nicaraguan side?
- Is there a Dutch word for urine-filled ziplock bag?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Diablo para Ankle Bone"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
REAL ESTELI: Rudel Calero, Francisco Lopez, Manuel Rosas
TORONTO: Stefan Frei, Andy Iro, Ryan Johnson
　
THE ODDS:
- TFC acquiring expensive ankle insurance pre-match: 2-1
- Torsten Frings, veteran of many UEFA Champions League tournaments, wondering if "Champions League" has a different, more torturous, meaning in English: 10-1
- Referee seen leaving the stadium in mink-lined replica kit and gold-plated Nicaraguan Cadillac: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- TFC attackers have been told to use caution when patrolling the wings as a family of eight live in one of the craters that make up the Estadio Inependencia pitch
- The "Real" in Esteli's name, usually a moniker of royal association, was actually bestowed upon them by a 1987 touring "Prince" impersonator named Ernesto. Interestingly, his cover of "Purple Rain" was # 1 in the Nicaraguan charts for 5 weeks straight
- Esteli, Nicaragua's third largest city, is a fast-growing metropolis of nearly 120,000... including 9000 burros dressed as people for "fotografia" purposes. Local citizens are called Estellegettys and the main exports include uprisings, wispy moustaches and menacing knuckle-cracking
　
THE WAGER: 1-1 Draw (2011: 18-12 with 6 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "TFC ESCAPES NICARAGUA - ANKLE BONES TO RETURN ON LATER FLIGHT"

THE STARTING 11: Ways that TFC players are trying to gel

Like Magellan apparently...

It's the word that's sweeping the nation: "gel". As Toronto FC tries to explain away loss after loss, the collection of new players added recently has provided excusematicians (it's real - I looked it up) the new verb du jour. "Injuries", "lack of talent", "a new system", "Harden"... they can all go jump - "needing to gel" is the problem! Yeah! But how to achieve this "gelling"? Gelmaticians (also real) are observing The Reds with great curiosity to see how they can achieve such gelatinous status...
　
11. Watching Andy Iro pull the team bus by his teeth
　
10. Rooting through Collin Samuels' old locker - divvying up the uneaten Twinkies
　
9. Everyone wearing the outrageously comfortable Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles!*
Today's Starting 11 is brought to you by Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles  - designed to provide maximum comfort and support... "Are you gellin'?"
　
8. Lining up sandwiches in the lunchroom in a 4-4-2 formation - watching Aron Winter fly into a violent rage
　
7. Giggling hysterically as Torsten Frings screams at Ty Harden in filthy Bavarian slang
　
6. Going over to Bob de Klerk's house for his infamous Rutger Hauer Film Festival
　
5. Stay up late gossiping about cute boys and doing each other's hair
　
4. Playing Hide 'N Seek with Julian de Guzman (undefeated in 2011)
　
3. Turn MLS Table upside down - pretend they're 2nd overall
　
2. Joao Plata dresses as an elf - hands out gifts
　
1. Practicing Nicaraguan swear words

TFC doesn't sign Eddy Vedder

Viator: an Even Flow on defence



No he's not a the lead singer of TFC's new hair metal band (Iro Maiden?) but the club's latest signing will give its paper-thin defence a shot in the arm. Eddy Viator is a 29-year old Guadeloupe international who can play in the centre or right side of the back line. Cough, cough... Gargan... cough, cough, splatter... Harden.
　
The journeyman defender has played mostly 2nd tier club football in his native France and in Spain with the likes of Chateauroux, Amiens and the now defunct Granada 74. Viator also played in the recent Gold Cup for Guadeloupe where he performed admirably including during his start against Canada. By no means will he be a long-term solution to TFC's defensive woes but in the current state, he's a healthy body not named Harden or Gargan.

THE STARTING 11: Recent changes in Toronto FC's dressing room

"Mr. Bojangles can partner me at CB boss"



To say the last few days have been a time of great change at BMO Field would be a major understatement. While most people familiar with The Reds are used to the revolving door with playing staff, the sheer amount of new faces in such a short period is still quite monumental. Such change affects the club at all levels of course but nowhere can it be felt as much as within the club's most inner sanctum - the dressing room...
　
11. "Hello My Name Is..." tags
　
10. Dan Gargan and Ty Harden's permanently packed suitcases
　
9. A countdown clock over Julian de Guzman's locker
　
8. "Lonely Planet: Nicaragua" guidebooks
　
7. Stickers on Danny Koeverman's boots saying "Pass Ball Here"
　
6. Dicoy Williams and Ryan Johnson's new pirate radio station
　
5. Intercity bus & train schedules
　
4. Joao Plata walking around like he's 5 Foot Tall
　
3. Torsten Frings giant ghetto blaster pumping out the sounds of hardcore "Oompah-Pah" and David Hasselhoff music
　
2. Andy Iro keeps breathing life into dead mice
　
1. 25 Copies of book "What to Expect when you Expect to be Traded"

Trillium transfer sees Tchani leave T.O.

Must have seen the weather forecast

Well, at least Tony Tchani won't have to Tweet about the strange Toronto weather patterns anymore. The young defensive midfielder, who was the main prize in the Dwayne De Rosario trade, was shipped to Trillium Cup rival Columbus Crew today in a multi-player deal as TFC's transfer window shuffle continues.
　
Strong English defender Andy Iro and mercurial French midfielder Leandre Griffit join TFC as the third and fourth new players to join the club in two days. Despite the number of new faces in such a quick period, the sudden glut of numbers in the midfield makes it easy to imagine that the dealing is yet to be done. While Iro fills a big hole in the back, Aron Winter & Co. will still want a steadier back-four and the phones are likely still ringing.
　
So, see you all here this time tomorrow?

Dunfield in, Nana out as TFC open transfer window wider (Now with 50% more trade!)

Same stadium - new red shirt



The Reds made a curious pair of deals today in that they both seem to represent the beginning of a path to change rather than a conclusion. The club officially announced the acquisition of 29-year-old Canadian international midfielder Terry Dunfield from Vancouver Whitecaps while a deal sending Nana Attakora to San Jose Earthquakes has been announced by the player, but at time of writing yet to be officially announced by TFC.
　
The feisty Dunfield, most famous in these parts for his recent goal at BMO Field with Canada, had seen his minutes and performance dwindle lately with Whitecaps. Highly regarded for his grit and work ethic, the Vancouver native can definitely add some depth in the midfield but his acquisition will raise loud(er) questions over the immediate future of Julian de Guzman. With Tony Tchani returning to health and DP Torsten Frings about to enter the fray, space may be limited in the middle of the pitch.
　
The departure of Nana Attakora is a disappointing ending to a TFC career which started on Day One and which many supporters thought would last for years to come. The young capped Canadian emerged as a solid MLS back last year and many expected him to jump from strength to strength this season. Yet, somehow Attakora fell afoul of the new TFC management through a bizarre combination of contract dispute, apparent sub-standard form and a rash of injuries. It is hard to comment fully on this deal until the details of what TFC is getting in return are confirmed but the glaring alarm on this transfer is that a team which is desperately in need of defence traded away a potential defensive stalwart. It is easy to imagine that both deals are the first steps towards even further flux at BMO Field.
　
UPDATES BELOW AS THEY BECOME AVAILABLE...

 4:15PM - Toronto FC have confirmed a very big deal. The Nana Attakora deal now includes Jacob Peterson and Alan Gordon who all head to San Jose in return for Jamaican international midfielder/forward Ryan Johnson. The move opens a number of roster spots as well as affecting cap space with more moves, especially defensive, no doubt in the pipeline.

THE STARTING 11: Positives of having a -19 goal difference



Ah, the GD. No, not "God damn" (although TFC's may make you blurt that) nor "Gerry Dobson" (although you may blurt "God damn, Gerry Dobson stop showing me TFC's GD!"). The GD we refer to today is of course "Goal Difference" (or differential if you're a high falutin' professor type. Nerd.) Currently Toronto FC has the worst GD in MLS at a whopping -19, a full -9 worse than the next most useless club. It is not a stat to be proud of and indicative of how the season has played out so far - but it's not all bad at the bottom of the plus/minus barrel...
　
11. Lack of goals equals big savings on confetti
　
10. A positive goal difference is so bourgeoisie
　
9. Defenders AND attackers can feel equally useless
　
8. You get a free goal with every 20 allowed!
　
7. Has helped heal Preki's wounded pride
　
6. Number matches projected BMO Field attendance in October
　
5. It means that Danny Koevermans only has to score 40 goals in half a season to give Reds a shot at being neutral
　
4. It’s an amazing mini-golf score!
　
3. MLSE launching "-19 Cents Off Selected Merchandise" sale
　
2. Number matches BMO Field's Opening Day temperatures
　
1. Makes the club's "-12 in 2012" season ticket renewal campaign look downright reasonable

THE STARTING 11: Perks of winning the NutCan three times in a row

"I say, one believes Vancouver to never get a NutCan. God Save Me."



Two days later and we've still got NutCan buzz! Some have advised to seek medical attention, possibly an ointment, but we care not. It's thrice as nice! Yes, in the grand scheme of world football winning the Voyageurs Cup isn't exactly the Jules Rimet but for suffering Reds supporters it was a sweet and almost fated victory. A great game to top off the best version of the NutCan tournament so far and an extra thumbed nose at our "perfect" cousins from the west coast. However, winning the NutCan means more than just a chance to hoist some silverware - there are a few sweet perks that go with being 3-time winners...
　
11. The cup comes filled with Mini Kit Kat bars
　
10. You get to shake hands with Prince William... but not Kate
　
9. Trophy counts as a passenger on 407 Toll Highway
　
8. FC Edmonton has to be your butler for a year
　
7. Team gets to represent Canada in the 2011/12 CONCACAF Champions League... and 2012 Miss Universe Pageant
　
6. It forces the Whitecaps to talk about SoccerBowl '79 for at least one more year
　
5. Get to hang out with the US Open Cup winners at all the hottest new nightspots
　
4. Nutrilite supplements up the ying-yang
　
3. Invited to torch the ceremonial first car at the next Vancouver riot
　
2. Allowed to fill trophy with pot pourri - put in team bathroom
　
1. Can order the illusive "Triple-Double" at Tim Hortons

Mid-Term reports at The Aron Winter Academy of Total Learning

Even the architecture is 4-3-3!

When Preki Junior High permanently closed its doors last year, and crusty Dean Mo Johnston was sent packing, no one knew what place of learning would take in the young Reds. Then, just before the school year began, word emerged that the prestigious Aron Winter Academy of Total Learning would open its doors with promises of cultured education and advanced philosophy nurturing the minds of Toronto's footballing pupils.

　
Led by tough Headmaster Aron Winter, wacky firebrand Vice-Principal Bob de Klerk and experienced Superintendent Paul Mariner, a new era of higher education was to dawn over the Lakeshore campus. The halfway point of the school year has arrived and time has come to mail home Mid-Term report cards to the young lads in their sharp red uniforms.
　
GOALKEEPING 101
STEFAN FREI: "Star pupil. May leave for fancy European school" A
MILOS KOCIC: "Quiet. Helps pal Stefan with homework" N/A
　
DEFENSIVE ARTS & CRAFTS
NANA ATTAKORA: "Issues with tuition Dept. Can do better" C+
DONEIL HENRY: "Promising freshman with a bright future" B -
DAN GARGAN: "Curriculum too advanced. Rides the short bus" D
ADRIAN CANN: "Playground injury. Concentrate on modelling" B -
TY HARDEN: "Big, but slower than Elmer's Glue" C
DANLEIGH BORMAN: "Didn't do homework on 'Sith Ifrici' trip" C +
RICHARD ECKERSLEY: "Stand-out exchange student. Crayon hair" A
DICOY WILLIAMS: "Big strong kid. Very laid back. Irie" B
　
MIDFIELDOLOGY
JULIAN DE GUZMAN: "Local rich kid. Doesn't want to be here" C
NATHAN STURGIS: "Very cooperative. Name like a Naval officer" C +
OSCAR CORDON: "Freshman full of beans. May need Ritalin" C
MIKAEL YOURASSOWSKY: "Your Ass usually rolling on the ground" C
TONY TCHANI: "Bright future. Runs like an angry giraffe" B -
JACOB PETERSON: "Plain but useful. Hall Monitor" B -
MATT GOLD: "That much ginger on one boy is unhealthy" C -
GIANLUCA ZAVARISE: "Most Italian part of talent is his name" C
　
FORWARD THINKING PHILOSOPHY
JOAO PLATA: "Smallest boy in class. Biggest heart" B +
NICK SOOLSMA: "Name means 'painfully slow' in Flemish" C
ALAN GORDON: "Popular. Motivates the class. Absent too often" B +
MAICON SANTOS: "Checking files. Name might be Mike Sanders" B -
JAVIER MARTINA: "First day of school was great. Downhill since" C

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC complaints about air travel

All these screens and not one Jan de Bont film?



Few people who have to regularly travel by air for work claim that it is a pleasurable experience. Airport line-ups, cramped flights, security headaches and long delays are the norm for these weary airline commuters. For Toronto FC and their MLS brethren, fixture lists can sometimes mean criss-crossing the continent three or four times over a fortnight. This would be enough to test the most seasoned traveller’s patience and it will come to no surprise that The Reds have their share of Mile High Gripes...
　
11. Nana Attakora keeps getting left off flights because his "luggage wasn't performing well recently"
　
10. KLM doesn't fly between Columbus and Kansas City
　
9. Dan Gargan keeps letting people pass him in the aisles
　
8. Players forced to sit in 4-3-3 formation
　
7. Air Canada has a severe lack of Dutch cinema options on its in-flight entertainment system
　
6. Having to awkwardly pass Mo Johnston as he mops the floor at Pearson Airport's Terminal 1
　
5. Maicon Santos inevitably ends up doing the Lambada with the hottest flight attendant
　
4. Ty Harden and his mid-flight jazz-flute sessions
　
3. Every time Canada Customs asks Aron Winter if he has "anything to declare" he answers back "it is a pity"
　
2. Stefan Frei steals all of the mini Toblerones
　
1. Joao Plata keeps knocking from inside the overhead bin

Supporter apathy, not anger, the biggest threat to Toronto FC

"Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is."

- Rollo May
　
For the first few years of Toronto FC's existence, the club, so desperate for a positive spin, dined out on the media propelled designation that BMO Field had "the best fans in the league". Boisterous, loud and loyal, the supporters were the only thing worth putting on a billboard to promote a club so bereft of quality on the pitch. While TFC fans are still amongst the best in the league, loyal almost to a fault, the comments in the same media that held up local support as a beacon in MLS now wonder where the electricity has gone.
　
The knowledgeable and devoted support at TFC have been behind their club through thick and the very many thins. However, when things were obviously wrong in the past, there was palpable, vocal frustration often bordering on anger. The club-destroying reign of the MLSE-backed Mo Johnston, the carpet bagging pricing schemes over the Real Madrid friendly and often the general play on the field were met with passionate discourse. Five years on though, new sins are being met with deep sighs, a resigned shrug of the shoulders and most notably absence.
　
From our in-person vantage in the South Stand, the vaunted bastion of The Reds sometimes fiery support, we have the pleasure of being surrounded by a cross-section of fans. Older fans who have immigrated from nations where football is like breathing; younger fans who were seduced by Toronto FC's "real football" atmosphere; long-time Canadian fans thrilled to have big league football in town; and in the near distance, the club's established supporters groups. While the attitudes vary and some are still as happy to sing "The Dichio Song" as they were in 2008, a wide spectrum of these fans have seemed to stop feeling as passionate. They are indeed angry after five years of rebuilding a club that was never built in the first place, but the fire in them to kick up a fuss is dwindling. There is almost a feeling that any anger is almost futile against an ownership that wouldn't hear the loudest of yells.
　
Whether it is right or wrong, the sense that the ownership is only in this for a quick buck has seeped through the stands. TFC supporters have been so loyal while watching other teams enter the league and achieve success quickly while The Reds stay in neutral. The effect has been seen in the stands this season with many empty seats - despite the 19 or 20 thousand "announced" attendance at every match. The casual support is breaking away to other forms of entertainment that don't leave you quite as frustrated at the end of two hours. While we, along with many other dedicated supporters will stick with the club, BMO Field may soon start to resemble stadiums in Columbus, New England and Dallas with small pockets of hardcore support, heavily outnumbered by swaths of empty seats. These are the stadiums we used to look down upon as being... well... apathetic.
　
Excuses like bad weather, match schedules or UEFA Champions League matches never used to affect the attendance and buzz at BMO Field but that has changed. There is almost a boredom sometimes at matches which emanates from the toxic mixture of the currently poor football and the steps the club has taken to mute the supporter culture in the stands - the only thing the trophy-phobic club was built on. If MLSE/ TFC think that replacing true organic support and good football with thundersticks, cheerleaders and promises of "a bright future" will work, they are mistaken. Apathy may very well turn into something worse - the fans once used to promote the club, turning their backs on it for good.