AFTER 90: Pas de tactique

CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - 2ND LEG
MONTREAL 1 - TORONTO 0
AGGREGATE 2-1

BLUE.

Just to prove two legs in Quebec isn't always painful...

THE MATCHUP: For all the marble cheddar

MONTREAL VS. TORONTO
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - 2ND LEG
AGGREGATE 1-1

STADE SAPUTO - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- It comes down to this. Your Bloody Big Eels or those dastardly Cheesemakers dans la Quebec for the right to be called Canadian Champion. Or Championnat du Canada avec le Bibliotheque. Chances are one of them scores six goals.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 Derby" (NutCan Edition)

IF WE LOSE WE WILL BE THIS:

IF WE WIN WE WILL BE THIS:

THE MATCHUP: Feeling Gouda

TORONTO VS. MONTREAL
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - 1ST LEG
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- What are you? Some kind of Anti-Canuckite Hoserhater? It's the final of this country's highest club football honour!
- It's also a BoGo "401 Derby"! Sacre Bleu! What more do you need?
- A chance for TFC to mend many broken hearts and egos following a 6-goal destruction at this very opponent's hands.
- Montreal is going through their toughest stretch as a club since joining MLS.
- Two managers with unknown futures (OK we know what Klopas' is) have a chance to salvage less than great early seasons with some silverware.
- A chance to see Issey Nakajima-Farran giving TFC the old stink-eye from a private box!
- It's just like this past weekend's Champions League Final - but with loads more poutine!

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Ryan Nelsen vs. Frank Klopas

WHO ARE YA?
After a string of awful performances and a 2014 season that has seen Impact flounder near the bottom of the league, bombastic club president/dairy kingpin Joey Saputo promised imminent changes. And he wasn't kidding, with players now facing a much tougher environment in an attempt to shake things up.

First, Saputo bought the "Laughing Cow" brand of spreadable cheese and replaced the brand mascot with an angry, all-knowing cow which stares at players with dead, disappointed eyes; all sideline Gatorade products are now Partly Skimmed; halftime oranges have been replaced with a chewy, hearty ball of Mozzarella di Bufala; finally, both French AND English have been banned from the club with the only acceptable communication being threatening-sounding movie-Italian.

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 28th, 2008: Police are called to a Toronto-area donut shop as an enraged Laurent Robert demands a face-to-face apology "from this Monsieur Tim Horton for this sacrilegious monstrosity he dares call a croissant".
 

AFTER 90: Long legged... but no beauty

Wash the stink off...

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO (1-2 AGG.)
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI FINAL 2ND LEG

BC PLACE

FIRST HALF:
1' - BC Place roof is open this evening. Perfect for a localized tornado strike if Vancouver grabs a lead.
4' - GOAL: Toronto - Doneil Henry. Michael Bradley long lob not handled well by young Caps keeper Father Guido Carducci, Henry chops in a juicy loose ball. Zap!
VANCOUVER 0 - TORONTO 1 (1-3)
5' - We don't need no stinkin' tornadoes!
10' - So this is the pitch that is trotted out as a good example of MLS/CFL ground sharing? I've seen better carpets in elevators.
16' - YELLOW CARD: Kyle Bekker for petulance. Red Card overdue to his barber.
19' - Reds opting for the 70 minute bunker option.
25' - Gilberto is easily one of TFC's Top 5 holding midfielders.
30' - Bradley tests Fr. Carducci from long distance forcing a big save. Nick Hagglund goes close on ensuing corner kick.
35' - Issey's Samurai hair-do > Russell Teibert's sad ManBun. No competition.
43' - GOAL: Vancouver - Erik Hurtado finishes a counter that started with one of Joe Bendik's "close your eyes and kick it as hard as possible" clearances.
VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1 (2-3)
45' - The Reds close the half with what must be a solid 7% possession statistic.

HT: VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1 (2-3 AGG.)

SECOND HALF:
46' - One half left and all to play for. Well the opportunity to argue with Joey Saputo on the pitch after the Final at least.
50' - How has no one made "Vancouver 86er" into an Urban Dictionary sex act yet?
57' - YELLOW CARD: Doneil being Doneil. Luckily just outside of the box with a hard tackle.
60' - TFC doing nothing but absorb pressure. It will be a shock if this ends well.
63' - Fr. Carducci stops a Gilberto one-on-one. Ol' Gil can't buy a break!
64' - SUB: Kyle Bekker OFF / Daniel Lovitz ON
65' - Matias Laba coming in for Vancouver. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
70' - Erik Hurtado was the bomb as Rufio in "Hook".
75' - Vintage Luke Moore this evening.
77' - TFC's 2nd Half performance can best be described as "in attendance".
79' - SUB: Ashtone Morgan OFF / Mark Bloom ON
83' - SUB: Gilberto OFF / Dwayne De Rosario ON
85' - PENALTY: Doneil Henry doing a Doneil Henry on Hurtado and a GOAL for Pedro Morales
VANCOUVER 2 - TORONTO 1 (3-3 AGG.)
86' - See 60'
90'+ - Big goal mouth collision leaves Doneil Henry and Joe Bendik both laying on the turf in pain.
90'+ - 30 minutes more of this. Ugh.

EXTRA TIME:
92' - I hate you Pacific Standard Time. Eff you and your ocean.
99' - Ryan Nelsen's 2nd Half subs looking dubious. Also: his job.
105' - Half of this done. Mercy.

110' - TFC playing like they know the random madness of penalties is now their only hope at advancing
112' - De Ro tries to turn the clock back and hits the post. First Reds chance in ages.
114' - TFC should write notes for fans who have to work tomorrow.
116'- Daniel Lovitz tests Fr. Garducci forcing a big save.
120' - Oh boy. Win, lose or draw - TFC impressed few here tonight.

 

PENALTY KICKS:

TOR: Bradley Orr - GOAL
VAN: Matias Laba - GOAL
TOR: Luke Moore - GOAL
VAN: Kekuta Manneh - SAVED
TOR: Dwayne De Rosario - GOAL
VAN: Sebastian Fernandez - GOAL
TOR: Michael Bradley - GOAL
VAN: Russell Teibert - GOAL
TOR: Issey Nakajima-Farran - GOAL
VANCOUVER 4 - TORONTO 5

FT: VANCOUVER 2 - TORONTO 1 (3-3 AGG.)
TORONTO WIN 5-4 ON PENALTIES

PLAYER RATINGS:

Joe Bendik 7 / Nick Hagglund 6 / Bradley Orr 5.5 / Doneil Henry 4 / Ashtone Morgan 6 (Mark Bloom 5.5) / Issey Nakajima-Farran 6 / Michael Bradley 6.5 / Kyle Bekker 5.5 (Daniel Lovitz 5.5) / Jonathan Osorio 5 / Luke Moore 5 / Gilberto 6 (Dwayne De Rosario 5)

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Joe Bendik



THE MATCHUP: We've got legs... Will we know how to use them?

"BC Place? Yeah just up on the right..."

 

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMIFINAL 2ND LEG
(1-2 AGGREGATE)
BC PLACE - WEDNESDAY 10:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Don't you love Canada? Or are you a Communist?
- Will Ryan Nelsen roll the dice for a cup victory with a league fixture on the weekend?
- What wacky disaster will prevent Whitecaps from winning this year's competition?
- Will Carl Robinson really stick with his youth movement even though a 1-0 victory would see Whitecaps advance?
- Who is more Canadian - a Kiwi or a Welshman?!
- Will the USA watch in horror as Bradley goes full out on turf?
- Can lightning strike through the roof of BC Place?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Great Canadian Bagel Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Their Canadians vs. Our Canadians

WHO ARE YA?
Vancouver Whitecaps are so weary of another natural disaster getting in the way of their cup run that they are working with a local company to prevent any mishaps. Despite BC Place being mostly enclosed, Whitecaps have called upon Vancouver-based yoga wear/backside accentuators Lululemon to help protect the stadium.

Lululemon has a factory full of unusable stretchy material from their "see through pants" crisis of last year which will be donated to VWFC to form a tight and sexy new tarp for the stadium in time for this match. To avoid blushes, the upper deck has been asked not to bend over in the light.
 

"Storms a brewin'"

 

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 15, 2011: In an act of sportsmanship, TFC faxed a 10-day weather forecast to Whitecaps manager Teitur Thordarson showing nothing but clear skies predicted for the Toronto region.



THE STARTING 11: Sequel titles for the Canadian Championship Semi Final 2nd Leg

Heading to Vancouver with a one-goal lead but with the sword of the away goal hanging over TFC's heads, you wouldn't think that ramping up the excitement for Wednesday's match would be difficult. However, in the world of promotions you can never hype too much and in the tradition of terrible movie sequel titles, the 2nd Leg deserves a boost. Whether it turns out as an action-adventure or a horror for The Reds, these titles should definitely boost those ratings...

11. "The Phantom Robbo"

10. "Moore than Meets the Eye"

9. "Laba: The DP that Shagged Us"

8. "I Know What We Won't Do This Summer"

7. "Ryan Nelsen in the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth"

6. "The Legend of Lenarduzzi's Gold"

5. "Electric Boogalululemon"

4. "Alien vs. Predator + Drag Queen = Darren Mattocks"

3. "2 Legs, No Cup"

2. "Pacific Rim Job"

1. "2nd Leg: Leg harder"

THE MATCHUP: Bzzzzzzzzzz

TORONTO VS. VANCOUVER
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI FINAL
BMO FIELD – WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- The Canadian Cham… BZZZZZZZZZZ
- Sorry, midges. As we were saying… BZZZZZZZZZ
- Dear God so many… Ach! NOT IN THE MOUTH!
- They’ve taken the South Stand! Retreat! BZZZZZZZZZ

 

… The bugs! They’ve enslaved the Vancouver bench!!!

 

 

… We for one welcome our new midge overlords…

 

THE STARTING 11: Ways to make the Canadian Championship tournament more popular

Solid midfielder



The Canadian Club Championship - we still like to call it the NutCan because it sounds dirty - and the quest for the Voyageurs Cup is a great little tournament. There have been some terrific matches and plenty of drama in the tournament's short history. It was also TFC's only glimpse of glory in the wasteland that was 2007-2013. Despite that, the tourney still struggles to fill stadiums and has yet to be fully embraced across the country. Perhaps the organizers should reach out to Canadians with these very useful ideas...

11. Give the actual Voyageurs Cup a "Roll Up The Rim To Win" feature

10. Funny hats!

9. The winners get P.E.I.

8. Go to three downs

7. Advertise the tournament on TV as "The Road to Wednesdays in Honduras"

6. Just let Vancouver win it one time, ok guys?

5. Final held on Baffin Island

4. Losers must take Rob Ford as their mayor for a year

3. Each club must field a bear in their starting XI

2. Rebrand it as "The Molson Canadian Lawn Hockey Finals"

1. Shirts vs. Pants

AFTER 90: Cup runneth ugly

Goodbye old friend

MONTREAL VS. TORONTO

VOYAGEURS CUP SEMI-FINAL 2nd LEG

STADE SAPUTO

　

FIRST HALF:

KICK OFF - In Toronto there is no sporting event bigger than this Amway Canadian Championship Semi-Final tonight. We heard rumours of some type of winter sport being scheduled but couldn't see anything on Wikipedia. Luge? L'anyhoo - the only thing left to find out is how hard Montreal Impact are about to play...

2' - Robert Earnshaw making a surprise start and almost puts the semi-final away but counter attack shot dings the goalpost. Si proche!

5' - Every time I hear Jeb Brovsky I picture a frat house fatty tapping a keg. Le bro.

10' - Stefan Frei slides his way out of a dangerous Andrew Wenger charge and clears. "The Goalblerone" putting the body on the line. Suisse.

12' - Great frenetic pace both ways early on. Neither club giving too many inches. Etroit.

14' - YELLOW CARD: Doneil Henry roadblocks the dangerous Wenger. Disque tacle.

17' - YELLOW CARD: Reggie Lambe for having a 1/6 in 6 game. Moutons.

22' - Both teams playing very high lines. Something has got to give soon on the counter attack. Erreurs.

24' - GOAL: Montreal - On cue. An unmarked Justin Mapp cleans up a mess in the area and slots past a sprawling Frei. Merde.

MONTREAL 1 - TORONTO 0 (1-2 AGGREGATE)

30' - L'Impact have got the provolone between the teeth since the goal. TFC on the ropes. Motivés.

33' - GOAL: Montreal - On cue: Part deux - Daniele Poponi goes around Ashtone Morgan like a training pylon. Awful. Très horrible.

MONTREAL 2 - TORONTO 0 (2-2 AGGREGATE)

37' - Just for shiggles Montreal subs in some flash in the pan named Marco Di Vaio or something.

40' - Kyle Bekker with a medium strength long-distance strike. TFC's first attempt in ages. Froid.

43' - GOAL: Montreal - Simple cross seems to pass through 19 different TFC players (yes,even the bench) and lands at the feet of... who else? Marco Di Vaio. Embarrassant.

MONTREAL 3 - TORONTO 0 (3-2 AGGREGATE)

45' - Could not have wished for a worse half. Cauchemar.

HALFTIME: MONTREAL 3 - TORONTO 0

(3-2 AGGREGATE)

SECOND HALF:

45' - SUBS: Jeremy Hall and Luis Silva on for Kyle Bekker and Andrew Wiedeman. Kind of like bringing on Marco Di Vaio. But not.

50' - TFC vainly attempting to muster some offence for the important away goal but lack the quality in attack to create real chances.

55' - Wow. Matias Laba better look like Diego Maradona Jr. if things are going to change going forward for TFC this year.

61' - GOAL: Montreal - Marco Di Vaio eats Toronto's "defence" alive before slotting a pinpoint pass to Andres Romero who scores with ease. Who knew you were allowed two good players up front in football? Huh.

MONTREAL 4 - TORONTO 0 (4-2 AGGREGATE)

68' - Montreal more than happy to pass this match into oblivion. TFC more than indifferent to let that happen.

73' - SUB: Ashton Bennett on for the spirited Jonathan Osorio

77' - Pigeon French and cheese references unsurprisingly of little comfort

84' - Bizarre turn of events as John Bostock only one showing any emotion on TFC.

90'+ - GOAL: Montreal - Di Vaio does what he does and turns match into a bigger farce.

MONTREAL 5 - TORONTO 0 (5-2 AGGREGATE)

90'+ - GOAL: Montreal - Farce to disgrace. Andrew Wenger powers home the 6th goal. That's one more in goal difference than the 6-1 win of TFC you're if you're counting.

MONTREAL 6 - TORONTO 0 (AGGREGATE 6-2)

FULL TIME: MONTREAL 6 - TORONTO 0

AGGREGATE 6-2

PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 4 / Ryan Richter 4 / Doneil Henry 3 / Danny Califf 4 / Ashtone Morgan 3 / John Bostock  4.5 / Kyle Bekker 4 (Jeremy Hall 5) / Jonathan Osorio 6 (Ashton Bennett N/A) / Reggie Lambe 3 / Andrew Wiedeman 4 (Luis Silva 4) / Robert Earnshaw 4

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Really? Jonathan Osorio. Why not?

THE BATH:

So I guess TFC were resting the "A Squad" (if that's really a thing here) for that big match on Saturday against bitter rivals... the Colorado Rapids? Even if that were true, you will be hard-pressed to find a Toronto supporter tonight who is ok with that. You'd likely find less who will find any silver lining from a match where TFC showed such a lack of vision, skill and, most worryingly, spirit against their greatest rivals.

 

Yes the gulf in talent between Montreal and Toronto is embarrassingly drifting wider all the time but going into a derby match with a 2-0 aggregate and simply not showing up is nothing short of an insult to your support. A support who have had little to hang on to outside of this tournament and its CONCACAF reward. The result will be wrapped up and promo'd as a "learning experience" by the club but management should be very concerned by a squad that seems to lack a lot of fire at the moment. Worried more that they could take such a beating from their only true rival. That is no building block.

THE MATCHUP: Bon Voyaguers?

It's the cheesiest!!!

MONTREAL (0) VS. TORONTO (2)

VOYAGEURS CUP SEMI-FINAL 2ND LEG
　
STADE SAPUTO - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
The only real story to look out for in this 2nd Leg matchup is whether or not Montreal manager Marco Schallibaum sticks to his guns and continues to undervalue The Voyageurs Cup. Now it’s not as if Impact put out a squad far inferior to TFC in the 1st Leg last week but perhaps a lack of passion or urgency made the difference. While the manager turned his EuroNose up at the Canadian Championship, Montreal supporters were not happy over the apparent capitulation going as far as staging a silent protest during Saturday’s league fixture.
　
Of course this may reinforce the opinion in some that the VCup "doesn't matter". We say tell that to the fans who have paid to go to every match since the cup's re-creation and enjoy the fixtures as much as any MLS counterpart. We take these supporters' opinions every time over any journalist who decides to pop up like a Whack-A-Mole provocateur. Want to write about an imperfect tournament? Sure, go right ahead but do so with facts and potential solutions to its flaws. Instead, we expect said journalist(s) to disappear once again only to re-emerge when its' "cool to shit on Canadian Soccer" again. Meanwhile, real supporters of the game here will continue to enjoy a tournament that has its imperfections but is sure better than no Canadian club championship at all. Le rant fini.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 (VCup) Derby 2: Electric Goudaloo"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
MONTREAL: Patrice Bernier, Justin Mapp, Daniele Poponi
TORONTO: Kyle Bekker, Danny Califf, Stefan Frei

Admit it... you'd love one.

THE ODDS:

Montreal supporters sitting in silence due to:
- Protest over previous loss to TFC: 2-1
- The smooth, mellow taste of many DuMaurier cigarettes: 5-1
- Overly chewy gouda: 10-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
We know anyone claiming that the Voyageurs Cup "isn't important" is just trying to get a rise out of fans. In fact, on Wednesday evening there simply will not be a bigger sporting event on the Toronto calendar! So confident in the 2nd Leg's ratings bonanza, TFC lobbied to have the start time changed to help out one of their struggling and lesser-known corporate sporting brethren. Apparently, an "Iced Hockey" club named the Toronto Maple Leaves (how quaint!) are competing in an amateur event for the Stanley Tools Trophy. We know that this is a footballing nation first and foremost but if you have the time try and support these icebound upstarts. Best of luck to them and their little sport - hope it catches on here one day.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TRES IMPORTANT"
　
And… for dual purposes we present the effervescent Quebecois chanteuse Mitsou. 1) Because our pal, the proprietor of Waking The Red isn’t aware of her once-lushness… and 2) we want to sarcastically refer to L’Impact as our "cowboy". Bye Bye.

THE MATCHUP: Weather or not

Match-ready.



TORONTO VS. MONTREAL
VOYAGEURS CUP SEMI-FINAL 1ST LEG
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:45PM
TV: SPORTSNET ONTARIO
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Giant weather laser at the ready... The V-Cup is back! The domestic cup and its associated bilingual bragging rights are set for this year's challenge as Montreal come to town to try and snatch the trophy from its four-year resting place, BMO Field. By hook or by crook - or by manipulating the barometric atmosphere through MLSE pagan sacrifice to ancient weather gods - TFC has held on to the V-Cup like Mo Johnston held on to employment. This season however may be their most difficult test.
　
You cannot argue that TFC are the weakest squad of the three MLS clubs in the tournament and opening up with a derby kerfuffle just throws more wrenches at monkeys. This fact has raised some interesting debate locally whether TFC should "go for it" or conversely play a "B Squad". While Ryan Nelsen will no doubt explore some squad rotation, around these parts we hope they aim to fivepeat and bring a little glory to what may be a testing season. If not... make a tornado appear... that's fun too.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 Derby: Voyageurs Remix"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Kyle Bekker, John Bostock, Hogan Ephraim
MONTREAL: Patrice Bernier, Marco Di Vaio, Andrew Wenger
　
THE ODDS:
- Italo-centric heavy rain: 2-1
- Francophile tornado: 5-1
- Provolone-infatuated hurricane: 10-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
While our domestic rivals in Vancouver, Montreal and er... Edmonton may bemoan our meteorological/Trois Rivieres good luck in retaining the Voyageurs Cup, MLSE has gone to great lengths to distance the club from any "supernatural" conspiracy. "We are committed to a winning culture and the competitive spirit of the Canadian Championship, all talk of the MLSE GiantWeatherLaserTron X09 is just unsubstantiated rumour" said an unnamed source close to ownership. When pressed over rumours that ancient weather god idols were found during the building of BMO Field the answer was a terse "no comment". We thought we heard them mutter "Rain your vengeance upon these unbelievers oh powerful and mighty Jupiter" but when we said "Pardon?" they just said "good tickets still available!".
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "AWAY SUPPORTERS SECTION OVERWHELMED BY BIZARRE LOCALIZED MONSOON"
　
And... Just to beat Whitecaps to their early excuse for next round...

THE MATCHUP: Earth, Wind & Dire

"The Giant Laser is working!!!... er, I mean, look... a storm."

TORONTO VS. VANCOUVER
AMWAY CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
FINALS 2ND LEG - AGGREGATE 1-1
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
With all of the off-season expectations of better things to come forgotten, Toronto FC's 2012 season has (already) come down to this. There is no other chance at glory this year apart from hoisting the club's fourth Voyageurs Cup. The Reds have a slight advantage going in after scoring a key away goal in the first leg but, if the team that Danny Koevermans' hinted may be the worst in the world right now, plays as they did on Saturday in D.C. - that advantage will be wiped out. Unless of course, a violent weather front wipes out the game first. Optimism!
　
A loss on Wednesday could of course have much deeper repercussions than just an empty spot in TFC's trophy case. A loss in "The Cank" may very well give the Tom Anselmi-led front office cabal all of the ammunition they need in some supporters' eyes to put an end to Aron Winter's reign. With the palace coup coronation of Jim Brennan to first in line to the throne complete, the transition could be swift and Brennan (or as he will be managerially known: Jose Cappuccino) may soon be in charge. Of course, a win would be more fun - if not for the relief of victory but rather the chance to enter the CONCACAF Champions League as Canada's representative with a potential 0-20 league record. It would be CSA-riffic!
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Great Canadian Bagel II: Cank's for the Memories"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Ryan Johnson, Danny Koevermans, Nick Soolsma
VANCOUVER: Camilo, Eric Hassli, Darren Mattocks
　
THE ODDS:
- Massive thunderstorm: 3-1
- Baker's dozen of tornadoes: 10-1
- Biblical plague of frogs: 30-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
The conspiracy theorists amongst the Vancouver Whitecaps supporters have already complained to the CSA, CONCACAF and the United Nations after strange gambling trends around this match have been detected from Asia. Large amounts of money have suddenly been put onto "Southern Ontario low pressure fronts", "Nor'Easters" and "Giant Laser Accident/ Toronto". There has been no official word yet from any official football body, Environment Canada, Ban-Ki Moon or any local supervillains.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "CLEAR SKIES USHER IN WINTER'S END"

And... since it's Tuesday(?!) and we all need a dance... if tactics and/or inclement weather don't do the trick, we can try this...

AFTER 90: With all to play for...

BC Place: actual attendance pictured

THE BUZZ:

Could this be the end to TFC's Canadian reign?

Will Aron Winter "park the bus" at BC Place?

Will he let Ryan Johnson know beforehand?

Who has to wash BC Place's giant curtains?

Has the Whitecaps schedule left them tired?

Are Granola Buttys a thing?

Am I the only one who would trade Vancouver's assistant coach Carl Robinson for our new one?

　

FIRST HALF:

11' - YELLOW CARD: Jeremy Hall

　

FIRST HALF HIGHLIGHT: Scrappy teamwork to cover errors

FIRST HALF LOWLIGHT: Seeing Carl Robinson as Vancouver's assistant... then seeing ours

　

HALFTIME: VANCOUVER 0 - TORONTO 0

　

SECOND HALF:

49' - YELLOW CARD: Terry Dunfield

64' - SUB: Danny Koevermans in for Eric Avila

66' - GOAL: Toronto - Ryan Johnson

VANCOUVER 0 - TORONTO 1

71' - SUB: Nick Soolsma in for Reggie Lambe

79' - SUB: Luis Silva in for Joao Plata

90'+ - GOAL: Vancouver - Eric Hassli

VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1

　

SECOND HALF HIGHLIGHT: Ryan Johnson officially earning the name "Cup Killah"

SECOND HALF LOWLIGHT: A lightning bolt strike by Hassli

　

FULL TIME: VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1

　

PLAYER RATINGS: Milos Kocic 6.5 / Jeremy Hall 6 / Adrian Cann 6.5 / Doneil Henry 7 / Ashtone Morgan 6 / Terry Dunfield 7 / Julian de Guzman 5.5 / Eric Avila 5.5 (Danny Koevermans 5) / Reggie Lambe 6 (Nick Soolsma 6.5) / Ryan Johnson 7 / Joao Plata 5.5 (Luis Silva N/A)

　

THE YORKIES' TFC PLAYER OF THE MATCH: Terry Dunfield

　

THE MOOD:

Unlike the 1st Leg against Montreal in the Canadian Championship Semi-Final, we are left with a feeling that Toronto FC actually played to plan tonight. Rather than simply parking the bus, Aron Winter's pre-match promise of counter-attacking football actually came to fruition. With the daring to pressure a very lacklustre Vancouver, of course came the reward in a massive away goal.

　

While The Reds were by no means a polished football machine, they managed to blend some scrappy teamwork and kept the pressure on Whitecaps who looked disjointed for large stretches. But, as one would expect from a cup match between these two clubs, a shocking moment turned everything on its head when Eric Hassli scored a wonder goal that no goalkeeper could have stopped. If nothing else, Toronto fans are in for a 2nd Leg treat next week with all to play for. Weather permitting.

THE MATCHUP: Second-year expansion club faces Vancouver for Canadian Cup glory

So hot right now!

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO
AMWAY CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
FINALS - 1ST LEG
　
BC PLACE - WEDNESDAY 10PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Before the farcical coaching moves made yesterday, Toronto FC's website was extolling the possible virtues of returning to the all-out defensive style employed by Aron Winter in the semi-final first leg. Now when the club's official website "reports" something like this, you should likely take it as more of a public service announcement than journalism. They are almost preparing their fans for the worst in a type of pre-emptive strike against criticism.

While that defensive "tactic" worked against Montreal, Vancouver is a different kettle of salmon with a lot more firepower up front than Impact. If The Reds, who will be missing Torsten Frings and Richard Eckersley, allow this one to become a one-way shooting gallery, they will likely find themselves facing far more danger than Montreal could threaten. A tough decision for Winter who must be aware that a loss in this competition may mark his TFC demise. Again.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Great Canadian Bagel: Cank Edition"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
VANCOUVER: Joe Cannon, Eric Hassli, Lee Young-Pyo
TORONTO: Milos Kocic, Reggie Lambe, Nick Soolsma
　
THE ODDS:
- Hipster Vancouver fans being silenced in awe over Jim Brennan's sideline hair-do and soul patch combination: 3-1
- Aron Winter being forced by the TFC front office to play a 4-4-2 formation - telling the press that "it's for the good of the team": 10-1
- Bob de Klerk's new job description includes literally parking the team's bus in front of Milos Kocic: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
Vancouver, British Columbia... "The Windy City", "Sin City", "The House that Ruth Built". Canada's Pacific jewel is a town of modest folk who never sing their own praises despite constantly making the Top 5 on The Economist's annual "Most Righteous Cities to get your Buzz On" and "Cleanest Cities to Hold a Riot in" lists. Founded in 1972 by Dutch explorer/ narcotocist Jan Van Koevermans (no relation), the modern metropolis has become a global leader in sandal technology as well as a research hub into the mysteries of muesli.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "IT'S HIP TO BE SQUARE"

THE STARTING 11: Other ways to defend against Vancouver

Puff, puff, percolate!



Why it seems like only yesterday that nature's fury was walloping Teitur Thordarson's weathered Icelandic face and forcing a replay to the Canadian Cup final. As we all know, Toronto FC eventually beat Crystal Meth Palace FC (Whitecaps to their friends) and The Voyaguers Cup remained in its rightful home for another year. However, things have changed in 12 months - Vancouver is flying high in MLS while TFC is... well... making progress? As the two foes meet again for this year's final, it looks like Aron Winter will return to his dreaded defensive 9-1-1 formation for Wednesday's 1st Leg. We propse to Winter that parking the bus as he did at The Olympic Stadium isn't the only way to slow down the Vancouverites...
　
11. Hold their 1979 SoccerBowl trophy for ransom
　
10. Get Mo Johnston to screw Whitcaps' assistant Carl Robinson out of another job
　
9. Upset locals by telling the media that Stan Smyl's moustache was nothing but a tool of the ultra right-wing military industrial complex
　
8. Take out any Sasquatches early in the match
　
7. Infuriate Vancouver's South Korean defender by refusing to call him Lee Young-Pyo or Young-Pyo Lee but rather Young Lee-Pyo
　
6. Wash and dry their Lululemon yoga pants on the hot cycle
　
5. Relentlessly tease Martin Nash by calling him "Poor Man's Steve"
　
4. Keep stepping on the heel of their Birkenstocks
　
3. Interrupt scoreboard instant replays with clips of Whitecaps' GK/adult film star Joe Cannon's latest XXX feature "Dribbling in the Box II: Give & Go"
　
2. Secretly switch their regular weed with new Folger's Crystals!
　
1. Two words: granola laxatives

THE MATCHUP: Winter's end?

Goodbye old friend. Goodbye old friend's wispy 'stache.



TORONTO VS. MONTREAL
AMWAY CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
SEMI-FINAL 2ND LEG (0-0 AGGREGATE)
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONTARIO
　
THE KICKABOUT:
What started a year and a half ago so optimistically could very well end with a whimper at the end of the Canadian Championship's ("The Cank" to its friends) semi-final. Aron Winter's grand experiment of creating Ajax, Ontario is on its very last legs after a nightmare start to 2012 and a loss to arch-rival Montreal in a competition TFC has won thrice could push ownership's hand. By many accounts the knives are already out and sharpened behind the scenes for the pleasant yet infuriatingly stubborn Dutchman. If Winter once again pushes his new "Total Preki" 4-3-3 (minus the offence) - or as it was re-branded in the South Stands on Saturday: "The 9-1-1 Formation" - and TFC yet again stumbles, we may be seeing him for the last time in TFC rouge.
　
Of course, with TFC's history in this competition there will likely be an earthquake/tornado/locust delay followed by a squeaking 1-0 victory off the boot of Ty Harden.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The 401 Derby III: The Cankening"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Eric Avila, Adrian Cann, Ryan Johnson
MONTREAL: Patrice Bernier, Bernardo Corradi, Donovan Ricketts
　
THE ODDS:
- Mariner / Nicol: 5-1
- Cochrane / Dichio: 25-1
- Rongen / de Klerk: 50-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
Setting the "worst start" record isn't the only infamous title TFC is in line for. If Aron Winter does get sacked in the near future, The Reds will be well on their way to the "Most Managers" record as well. Word from behind the scenes hints that TFC already has their contingencies in place to bring back all twelve managers they will have hired and fired in a 10th Anniversary celebration in 2017.

The future halftime parade will feature: Maurice "Mo to my friends (and far more enemies)" Johnston; John Carver; Chris Cummins; Predrag "Preki" Radosavljevic, Nick Dasovic; Aron Winter; Steve Nicol; Danny Dichio; the second coming of Predrag "Preki" Radosavljevic; Jim Brennan's Facial Hair with a whistle; the winner of TFC's "Dream Manager" Competition; and Danny Dichio. Welcoming them will be Tom Anselmi and Earl Cochrane who despite everything will still be there! Hurray!
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "SPRING SHOWERS WASH AWAY LAST REMNANTS OF WINTER"

AFTER 90: Dead leg

St.Hubert - this leg goes to Quebec

THE BUZZ:
Will Aron Winter regret saying "we're better than Montreal"?

Did Jesse Marsch pin those word to Impact's dressing room?

Do people honestly prefer St.Hubert's over Swiss Chalet?

Is TONIGHT the new start for TFC 2012?

Could there be more old Italians on Montreal?

Does a bad loss tonight mark the end of Winter?

Can someone please direct me to la bibliotheque?!

FIRST HALF:

No events

FIRST HALF HIGHLIGHT: Kocic going all "Cobra"... twice

FIRST HALF LOWLIGHT: The Reds' phobia of Montreal's goal

HALFTIME: MONTREAL 0 - TORONTO 0

SECOND HALF:

60' - SUB: Luis Silva on for Eric Avila

73' - SUB: Richard Eckersley on for Reggie Lambe

90' - SUB: Logan Emory on for Terry Dunfield

90'+ - YELLOW CARD: Luis Silva

SECOND HALF HIGHLIGHT: Staying awake longer than TFC's offence

SECOND HALF LOWLIGHT: See First Half. Repeat.

FULL TIME: MONTREAL 0 - TORONTO 0

PLAYER RATINGS: Milos Kocic 7 / Doneil Henry 6.5 / Adrian Cann 6 / Miguel Aceval 6 / Ashtone Morgan 5.5 / Terry Dunfield 5 (Logan Emory N/A) / Julian de Guzman 5 / Torsten Frings 5.5 / Reggie Lambe 6 (Richard Eckersley N/A) / Ryan Johnson 4 / Eric Avila 4 (Luis Silva 4)

THE YORKIES' TFC PLAYER OF THE MATCH: Milos Kocic

THE MOOD:

If you were to believe that Aron Winter set out his team to grind out a 0-0 in the away leg of an important cup competition, you could have been pleased with tonight's result. The problem is, no one can really think that bunkering at The Big O was the plan. No, TFC looked like they intended to go out and play football - they just weren't capable of beating that team they are apparently "better than". Only scrappy defending and Montreal's lack of finishing numerous chances saved a further blush to Toronto's annus horribilis.

Aron Winter will very likely have the gall to play tonight's result as some sort of warped "moral victory" but in his quiet moments, the affable Dutchman must wonder where the improvement is. Knowing TFC's pedigree in this competition, they will somehow get a win in the 2nd Leg (after a tornado, earthquake and missile strike delay the game) but this club is still so very far from sustainable progress that a Finals berth will only be a soother. As Craig Forrest exclaimed tonight when the CSA's sub board malfunctioned - but can be used here otherwise... "what a gong show".

THE MATCHUP: Excuse me... Pouvons-nous s'il vous plaît garder le Championnat Canadien de Amway?

So pretty! Can we keep it? Pleeeeease!

MONTREAL VS. TORONTO
AMWAY CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP

SEMI-FINAL 1ST LEG

OLYMPIC STADIUM - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET

TV: SPORTSNET ONTARIO

THE KICKABOUT:

It's back! Sort of. What we used to lovingly call "The NutCan" has been re-branded as the Amway Canadian Championship. Since there's no way we are calling this country's major football championship "The AmCan" we will stick to Voyageurs Cup - or in a lazy pinch "The Cank".

Many are saying that "The Cank" semi-final draw with arch-rival Montreal couldn't be coming at a better time for the win-starved TFC. Their feeling being that a progression past The Cheesemakers and into the final can kick-start The Reds horrific 2012 start. However, there are whispers in other circles that a loss over two legs, and the lost revenue that would come with that, could be too much for MLSE and may mark the end of Aron Winter's tenure in Toronto. That is some high-pressure Cank.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The 401 Derby: Cank Edition"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

TORONTO: Eric Avila, Torsten Frings, Reggie Lambe

MONTREAL: Davy Arnaud, Bernardo Corradi, Matteo Ferrari

THE ODDS:

- TFC getting a "moral victory": 2-1

- TFC getting an "actual victory": 5-1

- This being the 1st Leg of Aron Winter's 2-Leg job hunt: 10-1

WHO ARE YA?

Many Canadian football supporters cringed when this competition was re-branded as The Amway (or American Way) Canadian Championship. However, in the latest FIFA "Strangest Multinational Branded Football Tournaments" list, it placed far behind these Top 5 most bizarre cross-border combos:

- "The American Airlines Iraq v North Korea Friendship Match"

- "Marlboro Presents: The French Under-12 Finals"

- "The Taco Bell "Run for the Border" Cuban Championship"

- "The Carlsberg Breweries Qatari Invitational"

- "Visit Israel - The Israeli Tourist Board Iranian Premier League"

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "WINTER WITH ONE LEG TO STAND ON"

THE STARTING 11: Perks of winning the NutCan three times in a row

"I say, one believes Vancouver to never get a NutCan. God Save Me."



Two days later and we've still got NutCan buzz! Some have advised to seek medical attention, possibly an ointment, but we care not. It's thrice as nice! Yes, in the grand scheme of world football winning the Voyageurs Cup isn't exactly the Jules Rimet but for suffering Reds supporters it was a sweet and almost fated victory. A great game to top off the best version of the NutCan tournament so far and an extra thumbed nose at our "perfect" cousins from the west coast. However, winning the NutCan means more than just a chance to hoist some silverware - there are a few sweet perks that go with being 3-time winners...
　
11. The cup comes filled with Mini Kit Kat bars
　
10. You get to shake hands with Prince William... but not Kate
　
9. Trophy counts as a passenger on 407 Toll Highway
　
8. FC Edmonton has to be your butler for a year
　
7. Team gets to represent Canada in the 2011/12 CONCACAF Champions League... and 2012 Miss Universe Pageant
　
6. It forces the Whitecaps to talk about SoccerBowl '79 for at least one more year
　
5. Get to hang out with the US Open Cup winners at all the hottest new nightspots
　
4. Nutrilite supplements up the ying-yang
　
3. Invited to torch the ceremonial first car at the next Vancouver riot
　
2. Allowed to fill trophy with pot pourri - put in team bathroom
　
1. Can order the illusive "Triple-Double" at Tim Hortons

AFTER 90: Once, twice... three times a NutCan

See those three Maple Leafs Whitecaps? Yeah, those are ours.



IN THE TUNNEL:
No signs of torrential rains or other biblical wraths on the horizon as the two clubs make their way onto a hot and hazy BMO Field. The Canadian Championship and a spot in CONCACAF Champions League is on the line as familiar foes, TFC and Whitecaps, conclude what started more than a month ago. With a 1-1 aggregate, it was all to play for...

ON THE PITCH:
1' - A smaller than usual, but louder than recent, crowd roars Toronto on and hopes that the karma stays on The Reds' side. Kick-off...
10' - The Reds look a little vulnerable on the Dan Gargan-side of the defence as Whitecaps test the waters in TFC's third
13' - A 3/4 full crowd with a 3/4 higher volume than usual
15' - Maicon Santos can only manage to hit the side netting after running out of space after receiving a long range Joao Plata pass
17' - SUB: Maicon Santos hobbles off - replaced by Javier Martina
21' - GOAL: Camilo Sanvezzo silences the crowd after curling a beautiful free kick around the TFC wall and past Stefan Frei. Despite the softness off the penalty call, the goal was class
TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 0 (1-2 Agg.)
22' - Molotov cocktails put back in cupboards across Vancouver
25' - TFC find their composure and attack Whitecaps in a flurry with Julian de Guzman hitting the post followed by a scramble which saw Caps' keeper / adult video legend Joe Cannon make numerous stops
32' - Plata buzzes around Cannon forcing a save. Specialist video.
40' - Groans of anguish around Toronto as Javier Martina catches Cannon way out of net and seemingly directs the ball into the Vancouver goal. Seemingly because Caps' defender Jay DeMerit slides the ball off the line. Anguish because half the stadium and most cameras saw the ball cross the goal line. Starting to feel like karma has swung westward.
44' - As the halftime beckons, there is a sense of cosmic doom floating through the stands. Surely the God wouldn't do this after washing out the original fixture?

HALFTIME: TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 1 (AGG. 1-2)

45' - Worried faces in the crowd want TFC to come out flying... or massive tornadic activity to roll in
46' - The Reds do indeed fly out of the gates as "El MosQuito" Joao Plata dribbles a shot that teases the Vancouver line but doesn't beat Cannon. I know, too many entendres
50' - PENALTY: Plata is brought down in the Caps' box and coolly steps up to take the kick... and NO! Groans, bad karma and filthy swearing rain out as the NutCan looks headed westward... but wait... the officials claim that Joe Cannon got off too quickly (his line pervs) and Plata would get a do-over. The Ecuadorian Cucumber stepped up again and this time - GOAL: slotted it past Cannon
TORONTO 1 - VANCOUVER 1 (AGG: 2-2)
51' - Fires, looting reported throughout downtown Vancouver
56: SUB: Injured Ty Harden off for Tony Tchani who moves into the defensive back four
58' - Vancouver Lululemon stores smashed. Hot Yoga cancelled
61' - GOAL: All from the feet off Plata as the youngster's cross finds the foot of Mikael Yourassowsky who becomes the rarest of things - a Belgian folk-hero!
TORONTO 2 - VANCOUVER 1 (AGG: 3-2)
63' - Army called into Vancouver as SkyTrains overturned, armed gangs go granola crazy at Whole Foods, dogs & cats living together... mass hysteria!
70' - TFC managing to avoid temptation to go into defensive turtle
80' - Starting to turtle just a wee bit
84' - SUB: de Guzman off for Doneil Henry... ok, now they're turtling
90'+ - Whole stadium holding breath can't be healthy but TFC are scrapping and fighting defensively with a lot of heart...
90'+ - CHAMPIONS! BMO Field erupts in a way we haven't seen in a long time

FULL TIME: TORONTO 2 - VANCOUVER 1
(AGGREGATE 3-2)

IN THE BATHS:
For many of us who put up with the cold, the colder, the wet, the wetter, the scorching heat and a lot of dodgy football, it's these days when we remember why. A true roller coaster of emotion from frustration, to anger, to joy, to panic and finally exhausted elation - watching Toronto FC lift their third consecutive Voyageur's Cup felt very cathartic. This week with its wins, huge signings and now silverware feels like the dawn of the "new TFC" that we were promised. Who knows - the euphoria may be short-lived but it felt great for one day and gives us a reason to learn more about Nicaragua. For Vancouver supporters, this year's NutCan will go down as yet another perceived injustice for the team who just can't get their hands on the prize but history will only remember TFC's name emblazoned thrice. That and the riots.

PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6.5 / Dan Gargan 6.5 / Richard Eckersley 6.5 / Ty Harden 6 (Tony Tchani 6.5) / Danleigh Borman 6.5 / Mikael Yourassowsky 7 / Nathan Sturgis 6 / Julian de Guzman 6.5 (Doneil Henry - ) / Nick Soolsma 6 / Maicon Santos 6 (Javier Martina 7) / Joao Plata 8

THE YORKIES' MAN OF THE MATCH: Joao Plata
TALKING POINT: Has Nicaragua ever seen a Torsten Frings? Discuss