AFTER 90: Long legged... but no beauty

Wash the stink off...

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO (1-2 AGG.)
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI FINAL 2ND LEG

BC PLACE

FIRST HALF:
1' - BC Place roof is open this evening. Perfect for a localized tornado strike if Vancouver grabs a lead.
4' - GOAL: Toronto - Doneil Henry. Michael Bradley long lob not handled well by young Caps keeper Father Guido Carducci, Henry chops in a juicy loose ball. Zap!
VANCOUVER 0 - TORONTO 1 (1-3)
5' - We don't need no stinkin' tornadoes!
10' - So this is the pitch that is trotted out as a good example of MLS/CFL ground sharing? I've seen better carpets in elevators.
16' - YELLOW CARD: Kyle Bekker for petulance. Red Card overdue to his barber.
19' - Reds opting for the 70 minute bunker option.
25' - Gilberto is easily one of TFC's Top 5 holding midfielders.
30' - Bradley tests Fr. Carducci from long distance forcing a big save. Nick Hagglund goes close on ensuing corner kick.
35' - Issey's Samurai hair-do > Russell Teibert's sad ManBun. No competition.
43' - GOAL: Vancouver - Erik Hurtado finishes a counter that started with one of Joe Bendik's "close your eyes and kick it as hard as possible" clearances.
VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1 (2-3)
45' - The Reds close the half with what must be a solid 7% possession statistic.

HT: VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1 (2-3 AGG.)

SECOND HALF:
46' - One half left and all to play for. Well the opportunity to argue with Joey Saputo on the pitch after the Final at least.
50' - How has no one made "Vancouver 86er" into an Urban Dictionary sex act yet?
57' - YELLOW CARD: Doneil being Doneil. Luckily just outside of the box with a hard tackle.
60' - TFC doing nothing but absorb pressure. It will be a shock if this ends well.
63' - Fr. Carducci stops a Gilberto one-on-one. Ol' Gil can't buy a break!
64' - SUB: Kyle Bekker OFF / Daniel Lovitz ON
65' - Matias Laba coming in for Vancouver. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
70' - Erik Hurtado was the bomb as Rufio in "Hook".
75' - Vintage Luke Moore this evening.
77' - TFC's 2nd Half performance can best be described as "in attendance".
79' - SUB: Ashtone Morgan OFF / Mark Bloom ON
83' - SUB: Gilberto OFF / Dwayne De Rosario ON
85' - PENALTY: Doneil Henry doing a Doneil Henry on Hurtado and a GOAL for Pedro Morales
VANCOUVER 2 - TORONTO 1 (3-3 AGG.)
86' - See 60'
90'+ - Big goal mouth collision leaves Doneil Henry and Joe Bendik both laying on the turf in pain.
90'+ - 30 minutes more of this. Ugh.

EXTRA TIME:
92' - I hate you Pacific Standard Time. Eff you and your ocean.
99' - Ryan Nelsen's 2nd Half subs looking dubious. Also: his job.
105' - Half of this done. Mercy.

110' - TFC playing like they know the random madness of penalties is now their only hope at advancing
112' - De Ro tries to turn the clock back and hits the post. First Reds chance in ages.
114' - TFC should write notes for fans who have to work tomorrow.
116'- Daniel Lovitz tests Fr. Garducci forcing a big save.
120' - Oh boy. Win, lose or draw - TFC impressed few here tonight.

 

PENALTY KICKS:

TOR: Bradley Orr - GOAL
VAN: Matias Laba - GOAL
TOR: Luke Moore - GOAL
VAN: Kekuta Manneh - SAVED
TOR: Dwayne De Rosario - GOAL
VAN: Sebastian Fernandez - GOAL
TOR: Michael Bradley - GOAL
VAN: Russell Teibert - GOAL
TOR: Issey Nakajima-Farran - GOAL
VANCOUVER 4 - TORONTO 5

FT: VANCOUVER 2 - TORONTO 1 (3-3 AGG.)
TORONTO WIN 5-4 ON PENALTIES

PLAYER RATINGS:

Joe Bendik 7 / Nick Hagglund 6 / Bradley Orr 5.5 / Doneil Henry 4 / Ashtone Morgan 6 (Mark Bloom 5.5) / Issey Nakajima-Farran 6 / Michael Bradley 6.5 / Kyle Bekker 5.5 (Daniel Lovitz 5.5) / Jonathan Osorio 5 / Luke Moore 5 / Gilberto 6 (Dwayne De Rosario 5)

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Joe Bendik



THE MATCHUP: We've got legs... Will we know how to use them?

"BC Place? Yeah just up on the right..."

 

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMIFINAL 2ND LEG
(1-2 AGGREGATE)
BC PLACE - WEDNESDAY 10:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Don't you love Canada? Or are you a Communist?
- Will Ryan Nelsen roll the dice for a cup victory with a league fixture on the weekend?
- What wacky disaster will prevent Whitecaps from winning this year's competition?
- Will Carl Robinson really stick with his youth movement even though a 1-0 victory would see Whitecaps advance?
- Who is more Canadian - a Kiwi or a Welshman?!
- Will the USA watch in horror as Bradley goes full out on turf?
- Can lightning strike through the roof of BC Place?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Great Canadian Bagel Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Their Canadians vs. Our Canadians

WHO ARE YA?
Vancouver Whitecaps are so weary of another natural disaster getting in the way of their cup run that they are working with a local company to prevent any mishaps. Despite BC Place being mostly enclosed, Whitecaps have called upon Vancouver-based yoga wear/backside accentuators Lululemon to help protect the stadium.

Lululemon has a factory full of unusable stretchy material from their "see through pants" crisis of last year which will be donated to VWFC to form a tight and sexy new tarp for the stadium in time for this match. To avoid blushes, the upper deck has been asked not to bend over in the light.
 

"Storms a brewin'"

 

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 15, 2011: In an act of sportsmanship, TFC faxed a 10-day weather forecast to Whitecaps manager Teitur Thordarson showing nothing but clear skies predicted for the Toronto region.



THE MATCHUP: Bon Voyaguers?

It's the cheesiest!!!

MONTREAL (0) VS. TORONTO (2)

VOYAGEURS CUP SEMI-FINAL 2ND LEG
　
STADE SAPUTO - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
The only real story to look out for in this 2nd Leg matchup is whether or not Montreal manager Marco Schallibaum sticks to his guns and continues to undervalue The Voyageurs Cup. Now it’s not as if Impact put out a squad far inferior to TFC in the 1st Leg last week but perhaps a lack of passion or urgency made the difference. While the manager turned his EuroNose up at the Canadian Championship, Montreal supporters were not happy over the apparent capitulation going as far as staging a silent protest during Saturday’s league fixture.
　
Of course this may reinforce the opinion in some that the VCup "doesn't matter". We say tell that to the fans who have paid to go to every match since the cup's re-creation and enjoy the fixtures as much as any MLS counterpart. We take these supporters' opinions every time over any journalist who decides to pop up like a Whack-A-Mole provocateur. Want to write about an imperfect tournament? Sure, go right ahead but do so with facts and potential solutions to its flaws. Instead, we expect said journalist(s) to disappear once again only to re-emerge when its' "cool to shit on Canadian Soccer" again. Meanwhile, real supporters of the game here will continue to enjoy a tournament that has its imperfections but is sure better than no Canadian club championship at all. Le rant fini.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 (VCup) Derby 2: Electric Goudaloo"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
MONTREAL: Patrice Bernier, Justin Mapp, Daniele Poponi
TORONTO: Kyle Bekker, Danny Califf, Stefan Frei

Admit it... you'd love one.

THE ODDS:

Montreal supporters sitting in silence due to:
- Protest over previous loss to TFC: 2-1
- The smooth, mellow taste of many DuMaurier cigarettes: 5-1
- Overly chewy gouda: 10-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
We know anyone claiming that the Voyageurs Cup "isn't important" is just trying to get a rise out of fans. In fact, on Wednesday evening there simply will not be a bigger sporting event on the Toronto calendar! So confident in the 2nd Leg's ratings bonanza, TFC lobbied to have the start time changed to help out one of their struggling and lesser-known corporate sporting brethren. Apparently, an "Iced Hockey" club named the Toronto Maple Leaves (how quaint!) are competing in an amateur event for the Stanley Tools Trophy. We know that this is a footballing nation first and foremost but if you have the time try and support these icebound upstarts. Best of luck to them and their little sport - hope it catches on here one day.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TRES IMPORTANT"
　
And… for dual purposes we present the effervescent Quebecois chanteuse Mitsou. 1) Because our pal, the proprietor of Waking The Red isn’t aware of her once-lushness… and 2) we want to sarcastically refer to L’Impact as our "cowboy". Bye Bye.