THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. Vancouver - Frings and Koevermans Disappoint In Debut

Tonight is a lovely night for football. The drawback is that we get TFC and Vancouver instead. This quest for the Wooden Spoon runs right through the confines of BMO Field. Last place is firmly on the line!

Winter and Co. debuted two new signings in Torsten Frings (of Harvey's meal accessory fame) and Danny Koevermans (of the Van Koevermans fame) as well as a shifting of priorities putting Winter in the role of Manager, de Klerk as coach, and Mariner as MLS-to-Rest of World football translator (there ish no dutcsh woerd for "shalaree kapsh"). Let's see how things unfold.

Predictions have 1-0 for Vancouver, and a few 1-1s and a 0-0.

15 - Yourassowsky picks up a massive loose ball 20 yards from goal with no one but Jay Nolly in his way and he launches it 15 feet WIDE to the left. First diving now lack of finishing. At some point, some club was fooled by this man's gift of masking true talent.

17 - Koevermans is nowhere to be seen on the pitch. Disappointing.

Quote of the Match

If I get a cold sore Mitch...

~ Ian in the case of the switched beers

21 - Dan Gargan demands a new ball every time he's called on for a throw-in. He's had 3 in succession. Too good for the game ball, huh?

26 - I was bored and doodled a pair of women's naked breasts. I had it scanned but didn't want to corrupt the journalistic integrity of our mighty blog. But, in defence, I was bored.

31 - Yourassowsky replicated his failure left with a similar shank veering well wide right. By the law of averages, he's arguably scored two goals.

43 - For the money TFC is paying him, you'd think Frings would be having a greater impact on the match. Disappointing.

Half-time : meh.

52 - PENALTY - Soolsma was hauled down, what appears to be, outside the box, but it's nice when the ref screws up in our favour. He lines up and slots one past Nolly. Confetti cannons are go and...

the ref calls for a retake. Not sure why, so Soolsma steps up.

52 - GOAL - Same spot. Soolsma is a hero for once.

57 - Gargan new ball throw-in count for the game is at 4.

59 - Martina reminds us that he's still playing with a little run starting with a back heel that looped his marker. Sadly the next touch put it into the keepers mitts.

71 - Martina gets closed down by two defenders and somehow gets a shot off that had to be parried away by Nolly. Excellent effort.

72 - Gargan new ball throw-in count is now at 6. He should donate a kilogram of food to a shelter for each time he does this.

73 - SUB - Zavarise out, Stinson in

84 - Yourassowsky to Martina who gets the ball in Plata's path who JUST gets his foot onto it passed Nolly but past the wrong side of the post.

87 - SUB - Martina out, Morgan in

89 - YELLOW - Plata for kicking the ball away after a tackle from behind.

3 minutes of extra time

90+1 - Plata gets absolutely levelled for the ball and no booking.

90+2 - SUB - Plata out, Omphroy in

FULL TIME : Toronto FC 1, Vancouver 0

Man of the Match : Plata played well and hard. What more do you want?

Goat of the Game : Yourassowsky. I can't help but think if he were a little bit more talented in any way, we'd never have to complain about him. Alas, we do.

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5. Screwed up enough calls to make us angry.

Player Ratings : Frei 6, Borman 6, Harden 6, Eckersley 6, Gargan 6, Sturgis 6, Yourassowsky 5.5, Zavarese 5 [Stinson 5.5], Soolsma 6.5, Martina 6.5 [Morgan N/A], Plata 6.5 [Omphroy N/A]

Updated Cascadia Cup standings
Toronto 6
Seattle 5
Vancouver 4
Portland 1

I just discovered that Koevermans and Frings didn't actually play and they're not eligible to play for a few weeks. This explains much... We didn't understand the lack of capos in the first half, but I'm sure if the front office is ever asked about it, their answer would be level headed and logical (unlike the clusterf**k in New England last week)... Would love to know how much money TFC is paid to play Kardinal's T.O. Anthem as annoying the crap out of the fans has to be worth it... to the moron who paraded the new signings in front of the nearly 7000 who show up that early, half-time had more people... if Frings, Koevermans or anyone that supports them reads this blog, yes, MLS is this bush league and supporters are treated like fools who can be overcharged to be underserved simply because 'it's soccer and they should be lucky to have this'.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT: Toronto v Seattle... or the quest for the Cascadia Cup!

You tie a tie, tie a bow, tie your shoes, tie fighters, tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree.

You draw a picture, draw water from a well, draw a name out of a hat, draw a bridge, draw the strings in your bathing suit so it doesn't fall down.

You get a point across, you get a point on a needle, point form for a list, point your finger, point your toe.

With all the varied meanings of the word, it has lately been one of the answers to the following question : how did TFC do last week? A tie/a draw/a point.

With Toronto in second place for the Cascadia Cup on 3 points (thank you Portland), a single point doesn't help much. 3 points are a must!

Predictions didn't look too good as most people has 1-0. 2-0, 3-1 for Seattle. 2-2 draw and someone was optimistic enough to call 1-0 Toronto. Oh, the faithful...

2 - Seattle come flying out the gate as Fucito is on goal and fires wide. Oh if they can only hold on for 88 more minutes...

11 - Yourassowsky gets into the box, beats his defender, next touch he pushes it too far, flops down looking for the penalty. If that had actually worked for you your entire career, you'd be playing for Hannover in Germany right now.

16 - Are high crosses to the 5 foot winger truly a good idea? Discuss...

20 - YELLOW - Harden gets booked for his participation that had Grampa Keller on the pitch writhing in pain from the arthritis from being knocked over.

26 - YELLOW - Borman goes into the books for his part in an altercation.

36 - Good pressure by the Robins in the Seattle 18 as the ball gets bounced around while forcing Keller to make a few very quality saves. Not bad for a pensioner.

43 - Sturgis free kick bends over the wall, but not quite under the bar.

HALF-TIME MOOD : Optimistic, but Soolsma and Yourassowsky are showing some clear signs of uselessness. TORONTO 0 - SEATTLE 0

45 - SUB - Sturgis out, Cordon in. Strange as Sturgis played a fairly decent half.

49 - Seattle are now down to ten as Kennedy earns his second yellow and first shower.

56 - Plata runs at a defender near the goal line, beats him and slides a ball right across the face of goal. Now, if Soolsma has stopped marking his defender and took a step forward, it would say GOAL in front of this time stamp. Any guesses?

65 - YELLOW - Yourassowsky is deservedly booked for a mistimed challenge.

70 - SUB - Martina comes on for Stevanovic. Yet Soolsma and Yourassowsky are still on the pitch. Curious...

75 - Eckersley cleans up a bit of a Harden caused mess as Seattle were nearly in on goal except for a confident challenge near the box. I almost went a match without having anything bad to say about Harden.

82 - OMG MARTINA!!!! AAAAAH!!!! CROSSBAR!!!! AAAAAAAHhhhhh... sooooo close you could taste it.

89 - Lets see, opposition late in game gets free kick outside of the box. I have seen this before many many times...

90 - GOAL - I did foreshadow this would happen, not because I'm a pessimist, but because this is the very TFC we keep stumping up season tickets for. In all fairness, it was a very quality free kick by Montero around the wall and well out of Frei's reach.

4 minutes of extra time.

FULL TIME : Toronto 0, Seattle 1

Man of the Match : Plata did well so he gets the nod, but I appreciated Doneil Henry's efforts

Goat of the Game : Soolsma. Must be a Flemish dialect for "pilon".

Ref Rating : 3.5 out of 5. A little card happy, but they kept it down the middle as best as possible.

Updated Cascadia Cup standings
Seattle 5
Vancouver 4
Toronto 3
Portland 1

Team Ratings : Frei 6, Eckersley 6.5, Henry 6.5, Harden 6, Borman 5.5, Sturgis 6.5 (Cordon 5.5), Yourassowsky 6 (Gargan N/A), Soolsma 4.5, Santos 6, Plata 6.5

Soolsma begs for the ball and his offensive maneuver is to go backwards then give up possession... Why Soolsma played the whole game is baffling... I know we're tough on talent supply right now, but c'mon... Cordon could play well if he went heads up... no capos for the first half was kinda nice... Keller, for all of his geezery, is still very good... there was a period where it looked like players were ignoring the wide open Plata... so much for another draw, huh?

The South Stand Report : Toronto v Portland... or something something something

...........................I know, it's totally genius.

You could hear the board of directors at MLS already bitching about Canadian weather. "See, THIS is exactly why we're not supposed to play games in Toronto at this time of year...". Bollocks to them, this time last year, it was 14C. Trust me, it was. Holy crap it's cold. If only there was something at halftime to look forward to to keep us warm in our hearts. Toronto, as you know, last week played 25 minutes of brilliant football against Vancouver. Sadly, it was the middle 55 that really did them in.

After the many months of stewing over being ticket gouged and still bitter about MoJo's involvement here, I am prepared to be a patient man. Winter can take is time. Seriously. A true system, with youth involvement, isn't a few months thing, it's a few years thing.

Predictions:

•Frostbite somewhere

•Coming up with a new punny nickname for Yourassowsky before halftime

•People overpaying for watered down beer (still)

•not a sell out crowd

•Toronto 2, Portland Forest Timbers 1

It was Victoria's birthday. Did you know it was her birthday? If I had a shot of Patron for every time she had mentioned it, I'd have been pissed out of my skull by the 38th minute. Would've been the best drinking game ever. There you go. Can't say we don't do anything for you. For the record, it was really damn cold. My fingers we ready to fall off after each note in the book, so I didn't write much.

14' - GOAL - Sweet little pass from DeRo in the box finds Javier Martina and slots it easy past Gleeson. Not too bad. 2 mins of extra time

Half-time mood: Optimistic yet cold. Toronto wasn't particularly amazing, but not bad either. A few weak moments in the back, but only saved by even more mediocre finishing from Portland. Nice to see that the team that is the expansion team is playing like one for once *grumble*Seattle, Philly and Vancouver*grumble* We were given a special treat. A "live" (as in he was there) performance of this new track by Kardinal Offishal. His lip syncing was passable.

Quote of the match: I haven't had this much fun all game! ~ Brandon

A close second was: Was that that rapper from Degrassi? ~ Tony

45 - SUB - "Like a" Sturgis out, Stefanovic in. 48 - Maicon in on goal after a blunder by the defence, has a run for 20 yards and slides a ball not quite far enough for a goal but was under no pressure. Suspicions that he's not really Brazilian surface.

56 - YELLOW - Yourassowsky is booked for something. Didn't see it.

68 - SUB - Zavarise in, Maicon Santos... or should we say, Mike Sanders?!

70 - GOAL - Wow. If you missed this, it should be goal of the week. Martina gets a long ball from Frei and chips Gleeson beautifully, over the right shoulder, off the post and in. Eredivisie calibre. Brilliant stuff.

79 - YELLOW - Gargan for two handing someone off the pitch like he wanted to ride his favourite swing at the playground.

83 - SUB (sorta) - Morgan was about to come in for Yourassowsky, then...

84 - RED - Yourassowsky gets a second yellow for taking his dear sweet f'ing time getting off the pitch and running his mouth. Thanks for the suspension idiot.

86 - SUB - Martina out for Morgan. Gets a well deserved round of applause.

Full-Time : Toronto 2, Portland 0
Man of the Match : Martina for the brace and the classy goal
Goat of the game : Yourassowsky for his giant WTF moment during substitution
Ref rating : 2 out of 5. Can't wait to find out that he's local. Ugh.

Player ratings: Frei 8, Gargan 5, Harden 6, Cann 7, Yourassowsky 5 Peterson 6, Sturgis 6 (Stevanovic 6), DeRo 7 Santos 5, Gordon 6, Martina 8

As a footnote, this victory puts us in second place for the Cascadia Cup with 3 points, Vancouver in first with 3 (advantage on goal difference) and Portland and Seattle with 0 points.

I'm only half kidding about the Cascadia Cup