THE STARTING 11: 2012 Toronto FC TV Holiday specials

"Miguel with your nose so bright, won't you start a fight tonight?"

The holiday season... not only a time for crippling credit card debt, drunken office shenaniganism and inappropriate uncles but also for staring aimlessly at the television machine. Yes, it's that time of the year when regularly scheduled programming is interrupted by holiday specials that have been on loop since 1971. Did you know that puppeteer, claymation artist and elf/dwarf unemployment goes up by 84% on December 27th? Fact. With Toronto FC now under the ownership of media giants, there is no way the club could miss this annual opportunity to fill the airwaves with Reds' flavoured-frivolity/ help the dwarf unemployment fiscal cliff.
　
11. "Terry Christmas, Mr. Dunfield"
　
10. "Kevin Payne Fixes The Holidays"
　
9. Danny Califf's "Backpedalling Through The Snow"
　
8. "Old Man Winter II: Aron's Revenge"
　
7. "Uncle Paul Mariner Yells at The Kids: A TFC Town Hall Holiday"
　
6. "Joaelf"
　
5. "Christmas Comes to Salford" aka "Richard Eckersley Slide Tackles the Baby Jesus from Behind"
　
4. "Mi Nah Kno Bout Dem Snowmen Ya Kno?" Reggie Lambe's Very Twitter Christmas
　
3. "Away in a Manger: Beitar Jerusalem FC vs. Toronto FC Friendly"
　
2. "Miguel The Red-Eyed Rojo"
　
1. "The Grinch Who Tore ACL's"

Live from Manger Stadium

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC related programming for MLSE's proposed network

Theo and Danleigh Borman. Pre-Re-Entry Draft.

After testing the market for a potential sale of its MLSE assets, The Ontario Teachers' Pension Plan recently decided to take the sports and "entertainment" monolith off the market. Funny that four flailing sports teams without a major trophy (sorry NutCan) between them couldn't tempt a multi-billionaire. Oh well, recession and all of that. Stuck with their product but still looking to maximize revenue (we know, you are shocked), MLSE has floated the idea of setting up a premium regional cable TV network which in theory would house its clubs. One of the problems with such a venture is what this proposed network would show when a game wasn't on-air - especially programming to keep TFC supporters tuned in...

11. "Survivor: Re-Entry Draft"

10. "Dancing With de Klerks"

9. "North American Horror Story: MLS Kits of 1996"

8. "Coffee Talk - with Jimmy Brennan!"

7. "Still Waiting to be a Millionaire" with Dwayne De Rosario

6. "Iron Chef: Chef Samuel vs. Chef Gerba"

5. "Torsten Frings Stares at you for 22 Minutes"

4. "Tiny, Tiny, Tiny Talent Time" with Joao Plata

3. Danleigh Borman Presents: Re-runs of The Cosby Show to the sounds of Boyz II Men

2. "Cat Chat!" with Nick Soolsma and his kitty-cat Suarez

1. "Adrian Cann's Next Top Model"

And to our departing friend Danleigh Borman. May your days in New England be bright and may all your re-runs of Fresh Prince and Cosby be accompanied by accapella Philly harmony...

THE STARTING 11: TV promos for the Canadian Championship Finals

The Halftime show has t-shirts and everything!



We love us a bit of the old NutCan. While the Canadian Championship may be a far cry from England's FA Cup (we kind of lack the 755 other clubs), it is our national equivalent and has usually been good fun. 2011 saw a change to a knockout format which has led to an exciting two-leg final between the two "best" clubs - Toronto and Vancouver. Fans of these teams and Canadian footy fanatics in general are very excited about the final which starts this Wednesday but broadcasters are still struggling to attract more casual viewers. Could these catchy taglines be just the promotion needed to get more eyes on our NutCan?
　
11. "It’s like Europa League... with donuts!"
　
10. "Two clubs. One dream. Economy class to Nicaragua."
　
9. "Now with 50% more Lenarduzzi!"
　
8. "Teitur Thordarsen vs. Aron Winter press conferences: Where the English language goes to die"
　
7. "You will obey the wishes of Craig Forrest... or else!"
　
6. "For the love of Stan Smyl... please watch"
　
5. "Because darts has been pre-empted"
　
4. "The Canadian Champion: Like being FIFA's tallest midget"
　
3. Stay tuned for the halftime extravaganza: Former TFC managers in a musical tribute to "The Human Centipede"
　
2. "So much better than the Latvian Football Cup"
　
1. You can't spell "great" without "aggregate"!