THE STARTING 11: Rejected Toronto FC Victoria Day events

"Leave one alone Jermain!"



The best thing about long weekend Mondays is that there are no TFC fixtures scheduled. You see, if there were a match, TFC would have found a way to pimp out Queen Victoria and her 19th Century hotness all in the name of cross-promotions. While we will still have to sit through the club pandering to every cultural group in Toronto and the King Club Patio (Hell's Official Party Zone!) will rock on unabated, at least TFC didn't get to roll out these potential Victoria Day doozys...

11. Tim Leiweke and Tim Bezbatchenko strolling around BMO Field twirling 1800's moustaches

10. Jackson legally changing name to Victoria Jackson

9. A high-priced friendly vs. Viktoria Plzen

8. Rolling back ticket prices to 1897 levels

7. Statement by Issey Nakajima-Farran claiming "He is not amused"

6. Doneil Henry tackling a statue of Queen Victoria from behind

5. BMO Field PA system only playing music from Victoria Beckham's 2001 solo album "Victoria Beckham"

4. Heavy coarse wool Victorian-era retro kits

3. Fireworks released every time Gilberto nearly almost scores

2. Jermain Defoe "coronates" a bunch of girls named Vicky

1. Vitchy the Hawk

THE STARTING 11: Similarities between Victoria Day and attending a TFC match

Shot on goal!

Face it, after standing (or sitting depending on your BMOfication) through that damp-flannel-to-the-face-of-a-match on Saturday - we deserve an extra day off. Well thanks to that wacky monarch and hottie from history Queen Victoria - you get one! Yes, the lady who brought you such hits as "Ottawa" is rolling out 24 hours of long weekend shenaniganism - but don't get too excited, there are some parts of Vicky Day (TM) that are much like spending the day with Toronto FC...

 

11. Obnoxious pyrotechnics are set off for no good reason

 

10. Neither have anything to do with the modern era

 

9. Troubles are forgotten through mass alcohol consumption

 

8. Most of the action happens right at the end

 

7. Americans stand around looking confused by it all

 

6. You wake up the next day feeling worse

 

5. Nobody works hard or does anything productive

 

4. An Irishman inevitably ends up angry

 

3. You sit in traffic for hours just to watch things go up in smoke

 

2. We celebrate on the 24th for a long departed Brit

 

1. Much like Queen Victoria... "We are not amused"

"Mega LOLZ"



May Two Four TFC 2-4

Queen Victoria: Supported Palace

Yes, it's holiday Monday up here in the Great White North. The first long weekend of the summer - the May Two Four or officially... Victoria Day! For our foreign readers it's the day Canadians celebrate the lady who was instrumental in the foundation of this nation of ours. Not including of course the First Nations people who were here hundreds of years earlier, but we only talk about them in Olympic opening ceremonies.... ooh look fireworks!

The holiday is nicknamed the "Two Four" because it often lands on or around May 24th. To celebrate a day off, the very number 24 and our nation's finest football club, we want to share 24 things that are TFC/ 24 related. Number 24 and TFC are most intertwined as the minute where Danny Dichio scored the club's first goal but here are 24 other things you may like to know. While it's true that they are likely only 1/24th factual, (but hey Wikipedia does it) enjoy them anyways Victorian holidaymakers.

24=

- people who didn't toss their souvenir seat cushion on the field

- (-24) is the 2007 TFC goal difference under head coach Mo Johnston

- attempts before Montreal Impact get a win over TFC

- minutes it took Andrea Lombardo to reach BMO on the Dufferin bus

- red cards Maksim Usanov will have by the end of 2010

- number of excuses told for John Carver's departure

- total combined seconds of effort put in by Carlos Ruiz

- number of calls per day put in to First Wave Agency from BMO Field

- Chad Barrett's high score on Jeopardy

- people who still "really enjoy" singing "The Dichio Song" every match

- seconds it took Jim Brennan to accept his new job as Assistant

- amount of birds Nick Garcia saw when punched in the face

- (-24 C) what MLS Cup will feel like with the November wind chill

- minutes it took Collin Samuel to do a lap around BMO

- MLSE Board members to screw in a lightbulb

- number of Mo Johnston contract extensions still to come

- beers needed before Preki's style of football looks entertaining

- staff members it takes to fluff Julian de Guzman's hair pre-game

- amount of pre-season trialists still living in Mo's basement

- consonants in TFC's Latvian defender's name

- Twinkie wrappers found in Ali Gerba's locker

- number of TFC managers in the club's first 25 years

- days it takes to fully digest one chip butty

- years left on Mo's 5-Year Plan